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    LADYIRISH317   73,910
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints

Long, unfocused rant

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Right now I'm feeling frustrated, angry and unhappy. The only thing that kept me from stopping off for a bottle of booze tonight was that Chopped was coming on and I didn't want to miss the start! How pathetic is that?

Today at work my boss decided it was time to detail my failings again. She and the lead rep did this standing at my desk for the whole department to see and hear. I actually felt like a scared six-year-old. I could feel myself shrinking back into my chair, and I got the shakes. She ended by saying that I'm not in trouble and she thinks well of my abilities, but it sure didn't feel like it. This couldn't have been done privately in her office?

I have a co-worker who's decided my job function is to cover her a$$ for her. She has actually said, "I don't know how to do this so you have to do it for me." I've told her a couple of times that I'll show her how and then she can do it for herself. So far she's not interested. Also, this afternoon while she was at my desk with yet another situation she wanted me to fix for her. she had her blouse unbuttoned up to the bottom of her bra and her pants were unbuttoned and partially unzipped! I know that at the end of the day we're all uncomfortable, but come on! Maybe I'm just an old fogey, but I think some things are just plain inappropriate.

I feel so walled-in right now. I'm following Weight Watchers half-time right now (which I do realize is better than not at all), but I have to do it full-time. Seriously, I'm the woman who wants to go to New York and Ireland (and of late New Orleans as well). I can't even get myself to go to the grocery store or the laundromat! The way I feel right now, getting to Ireland feels about as likely as marrying Bobby.

I'm dying to face-plant in a tub of mac and cheese and swill a couple of giant cold beers (don't worry, I won't).. I know they're only crutches, but sometimes moral fortitude alone just doesn't feel like enough.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MRS_TOAD 3/23/2013 9:03AM

    It amazes me how strong you are! emoticon

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DISP715 3/21/2013 9:47PM

    Oh Irish. You have heard all of these suggestions before. You choose not to change the situation at work. You have taught the people at work how to treat you. How could you possible expect any different? I think you are great, but, it doesn't matter what I think. You have to believe it and stand up for yourself, to your boss, your coworkers, you ex, your landlord. I hope and pray that one day you will find the strength.

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    You have gotten tons of wonderful advice and I know you are strong enough and love yourself enough to use it. You are NOT pathetic. You showed great intestinal fortitude and self love when you consciously did NOT choose alcohol or food over a show that you like instead. You chose wisely and considerately of YOU. BRAVO! High five. Hugs. Sending you prayers and fairydust wishes for continued self care, nurturing and stamina dear friend. emoticon emoticon emoticon You are a wonderful person and you deserve all life's best.

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CHALLENGER15 3/21/2013 6:47AM

    It sounds very much like a hostile work environment, and it looks like you have had excellent suggestions for handling it.

As for the manner of dress, I am constantly amazed at what I see on employees of all ages, and I would prefer to see NONE of it. It looked as if you had a good suggestion to handle that as well.

Hang in there!

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1CRAZYDOG 3/20/2013 9:45PM

    It's pretty much all been said as far as what my feelings are, but I would certainly agree with Sharon . . . check your employee handbook. You were NOT treated in a fair manner and this should not happen.

The lazy co-worker. Well you've shown her what to do. Now it's sink or swim time for her.

Choices -- it is rightly said! You chose to get home to watch Chopped (which was good) instead of alcohol (OR overindulging in food). You replaced them with watching Chopped. Definitely a better choice!

HUGS honey. Hang in there

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BECKYSRN 3/20/2013 6:17PM

    Can you start documenting all this crap and take it to someone higher up? Your boss was way past inappropriate and something needs to be done. Hang in there.

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CARRAND 3/20/2013 4:26PM

    Work gets really bizarre sometimes, doesn't it? I used to feel that way in my office sometimes. I learned early on as a manager to have ALL performance discussions in private unless I had something really positive to say. They owe you that much.

My secretary came to work one day with 2 shower caps on her head. And she was letting people in the front door!

Hang in there.

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CHEFSOPHIE 3/20/2013 4:24PM

    Well at least we are now half way through the week, and today is the first day of Spring!

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MDMNINA 3/20/2013 3:43PM

    Hang in there, Honey!

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JMORRIS85 3/20/2013 2:58PM

    Your supervisor lacks appropriate leadership skills. It is unproductive, ill mannered, and just down right mean to berate an employee in public. You are a human being and no one has the right to treat you as less than what you are. emoticon

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LIS193 3/20/2013 11:27AM

Watching Chopped is better than any drink!

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CAROLJEAN64 3/20/2013 11:23AM

    Do you realize how strong you are. The things that seemed to blare from this blog are the things you CHOOSE not to do in response to stress. How awesome! Congrats!

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MPARKER67 3/20/2013 9:49AM

    emoticon for not going for the mac & cheese and beers!

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HENLADY11 3/20/2013 6:24AM

  "Right now I'm feeling frustrated, angry and unhappy. The only thing that kept me from stopping off for a bottle of booze tonight was that Chopped was coming on and I didn't want to miss the start! How pathetic is that?"

You might not have noticed but that was a MOMENT where you substituted a good reward-watching Chopped-for a bad one(booze) and YOU DID IT.
Please don't refer to that as "pathetic". It worked. emoticon emoticon
Picturing your clueless coworker in my mind....blouse unbuttoned, pants half unzipped...are you sure she's just a sloppy dresser?? Sounds like she's trying to get a promotion somewhere....and then using you to make up for lost time.
A polite comment like,"did you know your pants were unzipped?" might make her less eager to approach you for help next time. emoticon

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NASFKAB 3/20/2013 6:09AM

  do find out where you can complain about your boss as others have suggested she is horrible to say the lest & as for your co worker do follow the other advice & congrats for not taking the beer & food all the best

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NEW-CAZ 3/20/2013 3:55AM

    I totally agree with MONETRUBY
Your bosses actions are nothing short of bullying in the workplace and should not be allowed to continue


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GLAMNGLOWDIVA 3/20/2013 1:12AM

    I agree that your boss should of talked to you in private and not out in the open for the whole office to hear, very unprofessional there. On the bright side you didn't get the bottle of booze even if it was because of Chopped. You made the choice not to go and that is a great step forward for you.

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MONETRUBY 3/19/2013 11:51PM


Concerning your boss-is there an HR department you could consult about her behavior? Berating an employee in full view of everyone else in the department is unprofessional, and against all sorts of good protocol. It's completely unacceptable, and she should have to answer for such behavior. I know the retail job I work has an 800 number we can call with concerns we feel we can't voice within the store, so I would really encourage you to take some action about her. That kind of feedback needs to happen behind closed doors.

And as for your coworker-I know it would be difficult for me, but you really need to tell her to do her own job. You have plenty of work of your own to do, and you can't take on any more responsibility. It sounds like another thing you could take to the HR department. Perhaps she needs more training? Or maybe she just needs to be called on the carpet about taking responsibility for her own job. Either way, she needs to learn that you are not there to do her job for her, and you will no longer do so. It might be difficult, but it needs to be done, or she will continue taking advantage of you.

I know none of this is easy to do. I've always had lots of trouble confronting people, even if I'm in the right. But you've written many times in the past about the inappropriate behavior of both your boss and coworker, and it's time for that behavior to come to an end. You deserve to be treated better.


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WINDSWEPTACRES 3/19/2013 11:25PM

    Your boss sounds bi-polar, alternating between telling you what a good job you're doing and raking you over the coals publicly. Does she do this to other people, or only to you? It's totally unprofessional, to say the least, and possibly against company policy -- and if it isn't, it should be. The only thing I can suggest is pray for her. I had to do this with one boss who took a personal dislike to me, and in time it did turn the situation around. At any rate, it probably won't make things worse.

As for your co-worker, she seems to think that if the boss can dump on you, she can as well. Can you write up the procedure for her and document that she has it -- email or whatever -- and then refer her to your notes and let her sink or swim? There's a vast difference between "I'm having a problem with this. Can you walk me through it again?" and "I'm too stupid or lazy to do my own work, so you have to do it while I sit here and buff my nails." I know that's not "being a team player," but Little Miss Attitude needs to get her act together.

Once again, you don't deserve this bad treatment. You never did deserve it. I'm proud of you for choosing to get home in time for "Chopped." It's definitely a much more positive choice. emoticon

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ALFBUNDY 3/19/2013 11:21PM

    I think ANY discussions about "JOB PERFORMANCE" should be done in PRIVATE...
NOT in front of an audience. Sounds to me like the boss & rep need to BOOST THEIR OWN EGOS by handling things the way they do!
As for the "incompetent" coworker, who so KINDLY passes THEIR work on to YOU, (I KNOW this is mean); I would SCREW IT UP ROYALLY & THEN, when they came back to me & COMPLAINED..My answer would be : I gave it my BEST SHOT! I guess YOU will have to do it YOURSELF from now on or ASK SOMEONE ELSE FOR HELP! emoticon this the same person who started their own version of "CASUAL TUESDAY"? emoticon

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SHARON10002 3/19/2013 10:33PM

    "I have a co-worker who's decided my job function is to cover her a$$ for her. She has actually said, "I don't know how to do this so you have to do it for me." I've told her a couple of times that I'll show her how and then she can do it for herself. So far she's not interested. Also, this afternoon while she was at my desk with yet another situation she wanted me to fix for her" - Translation: I don't want to do my job. I'd show her and then let her sink or swim. Document or log somewhere that you showed her so it can't come back on you.
Do you suppose that there's a little office hanky-panky going on?
As for your supervisor and lead rep "hanging you out to dry" in front of your co-workers, that person doesn't deserve to be in that position. A good manager never berates his employees, and certainly not in front of the rest of the office. That was just plain unprofessional. I worked in the HR dept of a company for awhile. If you have an Employee Handbook take a look through it to determine whether your supervisor's actions are in violation of the company code. In some cases, your company might also have an anonymous supervisor review process in which you'll be able to submit feedback about the behavior of your supervisor without fear of retaliation.
Good luck . . .

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MISSG180 3/19/2013 10:12PM

    There's nothing more frustrating that trying hard and eating everyone else' You are a good person and deserve to be treated right. Hugs.

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SHERYLDS 3/19/2013 10:11PM

    emoticon when it comes to your co-worker .... the answer is simple
you would love to help her but you have you own responsibilities which take priority and if she hasn't grasped how to do parts of her job, then she really needs to discuss it with her supervisor for further training..

as for your situation...just take it as constructive criticism and brush it off.
Mgrs/supervisors love to feel in control and powerful...
as long as you collect a and keep moving forward.
A job is just a job....if mgmt wants something done a little be it.
I love the phrase ....whatever.. emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 3/19/2013 9:58PM

    I'm not thrilled in my job either, but have enough years in it seems worse to leave and start over somewhere than to put up with the crud for a few more years. I have feeling trapped.

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RENE176 3/19/2013 9:52PM

    Sounds like you are working for and with creeps! How soon can you find another job? I know, it's REALLY hard to go out on a limb like that, but I went out looking for a new job after 10 years at the same one. I found a new job and it has been very rewarding!

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 3/19/2013 9:46PM


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