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Back on track and moving forward- update

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Looking a tad rough but still in the fight :)

I am on the mend after having had numerous set backs from sickness, back problems and other problems since around the end of February. It has been difficult but the end result is that there has been no set back as far as my weight is concern. I have worked out very little and my eating has been less than perfect (interpretation...mindless emotional eating or not tracking at all).

The reason I am including that tidbit is that I want people to know that even if life throws a curveball, it is NOT the end of the world.

I have to admit that I was nervous because although a week of unchecked behavior doesn't create a lasting problem, a month of it is a different story. Yes, I felt anxiety about getting on the scale but I have learned that the fastest way to recover is to face what you fear and find out where you are at ASAP even if you are not going to like what you see.

You have to know where you are at.

To avoid this knowledge is damning to your journey because it is east to slide off into blissful ignorance.

Well I am happy to report that all is well. I had my first successful workout where I had to stop for a minute or two after each circuit to catch my breath. My strength is there but not being able to get the oxygen I need is crippling. However the intensity has improved and my trainer commented on the fact that I am showing alot of improvement.

This whole process has been tough because it really brought my confidence to an all time low. The mental anxiety of the plant closure has taken its toll, the back pain has left me wondering where I am at physically and what can I do without hurting myself again and the illness left me unable to function above light exertion.

Its amazing what form can do for you. It makes the difference between using an 80lb kettlebell with ease or throwing your back out shoveling snow.

Anyway, I am optimistic. I am leaving the future where it belongs. In the future. For right now, the task at hand is to get ready for my triathlon, my dream of 70.3 miles successfully completed and make my ACE certification a reality. Most importantly, I am starting to feel some of my fire coming back and I am ready to come out swinging.

It isn't a sin to get knocked to the ground, even to really get clobbered and stay down for a while. Life does that and I had no control over it but it crushing to the spirit nonetheless. My reaction to those setbacks were also less than stellar. I reverted back to some old habits and such but even that isn't a big issue because many of my lifestyle habits did kick in because they are that, habits. To me, that is a victory because in those moments where you are picking your teeth up off the ground after a hard blow is where who you are is revealed.

I have changed for sure and my overall navigation through the dark moments proves it. I am reminded of the words of our National Anthem where through the perilous fight our flag was still there in the morning. After the pounding we took, after the walls were battered, the destruction and fog of war, our flag was still flying. We counted our dead, picked up the pieces, and assessed the damage but after all of that, there was no surrender and our flag still flew.

That is how I feel at this moment. Battered, pounded, and heavily listing to one side but the flag in my heart is still flying after the battle,

I will not stop, will not surrender. Mentally, I am ready to pick up the sword again and fight. The rest of me will come around in time.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

    Incredible blog. I have had some setbacks too, and I didn't handle them as well as you. During my wallow in self pity, I gained 80 pounds and have reached an all time high weight. However, I have picked my flag up, put it back in its holder, and I am ready to fight!

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FAVORITEAUNT84 3/28/2013 12:21PM

    That's awesome. I might read this 15-20 more times after my surgery in a couple weeks. emoticon

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KATHIC2 3/24/2013 12:38PM

  Good for you!

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EOWYNRUSS 3/24/2013 1:43AM

    Great blog! Parts of it remind me of Invictus (which is Latin for unconquered), especially the 2nd and 4th stanzas. Here's the whole thing:


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

--William Ernest Henley

Henley wrote it while in the hospital, recovering from an extensive surgery to save his remaining foot--tuberculosis of the bone had caused the amputation of his other leg. He knew great struggle and rose above it, like you are doing. Keep it up.

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PATTISTAMPS 3/22/2013 3:36PM

    Yes! Keep that spark burning!!! You have the power to make it happen. Really. No one else. Just you. Amazing, isn't it? I think so too. I cannot wait until you post your tri photos and the smile is so strong that it leaps from the screen!

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CAREN_BLUEJEANS 3/21/2013 9:06PM

    Wishing you a speedy recovery to your health!

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NEWSTART127 3/21/2013 2:15AM

    emoticon Onward!!! emoticon

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KUTEY5041 3/21/2013 12:41AM

    thanks for another great blog

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 3/20/2013 11:59PM

    Thank you robert. I so needed to read this tonite. I'm in a dark bad place of pain and despair and needed to hear some positive. I am not allowed too e for another week. Just an every 4 hour up to the bathroom slowly walk for a few minutes no weight ony poor battered knee/tendon and back to bed. So thanks for some good.

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COOKIE_AT_51 3/20/2013 8:59PM

    Yay you! Glad to hear that you are feeling on the mend. emoticon emoticon and your goals are in place!

By the way, your new picture emoticon really shows your weight loss you can see it in your face :) emoticon

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    Awesome job!

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KITT52 3/20/2013 9:12AM


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SPARKLISE 3/20/2013 8:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

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STHAX10 3/20/2013 7:31AM


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CM_GARDNER78 3/20/2013 6:48AM

    Oh - I so needed to hear your words! You are like Superman - but even Superman has to get back up and brush himself off from time to time. I have been mentally struggling - like you due to a wacked out schedule, crazy snow, and just...LIFE! I weighed in today - wasn't overly happy, but I can take a half pound gain when I've been treating myself less than stellar. I will stand with you, shoulder to shoulder, to continue to fight!!! Arm me with a sword - we are heading into battle!!

Thank you for saying the right things today! I SO needed it! emoticon

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LIVEDAILY 3/20/2013 2:53AM

    I am so glad you are on your way!!

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123ELAINE456 3/19/2013 10:52PM

  Awesome Blog. Love the Flag Analogy. Keep Pushing Forward. You Can Do It. God Blessings to You, Your Family and Everyone. Have a Great Day. Hugs !!!!!!!!!

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DOGDOC76 3/19/2013 9:58PM

    Go you! I got tears in my eyes reading the flag analogy. Remember- fall seven times, get up eight!!!

You've got this!!!

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TREYONE 3/19/2013 9:58PM

  glad to hear you are feeling better both physically and mentally- it really does help refocusing to get back on track!! emoticon emoticon

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KLMEIRING 3/19/2013 9:23PM

    Glad to hear that you are still in the fight. It really is a lifestyle. Developing new habits is worth the effort even in the hard times. emoticon emoticon

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CBRINKLEY401 3/19/2013 9:20PM

    Good to hear you are on the mend and back on track. It takes time to recover, but it's good that you are seeing continued improvement!

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DUXGRL1 3/19/2013 8:08PM

    Glad to hear that you are back on track and got your fight back!

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NILLAPEPSI 3/19/2013 7:41PM

    You are tough -- you have proven that time & again. Good plan to leave the future in the future where it belongs. emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 3/19/2013 6:50PM

    emoticon Fly it high and proud. Coming through the other side of adversity is what it's all about! Spark on, my friend! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 3/19/2013 6:43PM

    I am so glad to see the sparkle in your eyes again! You and your family will get through all of this and stronger for it..... take care and hang in there.

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CLPURNELL 3/19/2013 6:25PM

    glad to hear you are on the mend and things are turning around.

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GOING-STRONG 3/19/2013 6:18PM

    Hurray! Your spirit is improving and you are getting your mojo back!


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SLIMLEAF 3/19/2013 6:00PM

    It's good to hear your update, Robert.
Well done. Don't push too hard. Take it steady, one step at a time and you'll get there!

I'll be glad to follow your progress and keep cheering you on!

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LINDAK25 3/19/2013 5:54PM

    Good for you! It's not what happens, but how you handle it. Just keep moving forward!

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GINA180847 3/19/2013 5:42PM

    Wow, you are changing. There is steel in that spine of yours. Fantastic, in a race to the finish for all the emotional cripples you are leading the way. I am loving being part of the crowd.

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KBRADFORD88 3/19/2013 5:38PM

    Awesome Robert. Maintaining is just like this. There will always be curve balls. We have to learn to handle them.

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BARHAAS 3/19/2013 5:29PM

    Yay! Thanks for leading the way in this game called "life." Your words are so wise and helpful to us all... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BBECKER1955 3/19/2013 4:58PM

    Glad to see you're on the mend!

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 3/19/2013 4:28PM

    Learning the lesson that being perfect isn't necessary to live a healthy life is uplifting and hard. Congrats for finding your feet & fire again even after the pounding.

Wishing you continued success & luck with your upcoming triathlon.

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-STARRYEYED- 3/19/2013 4:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Love the flag analogy! Great blog as usual, Robert! emoticon

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SHANECODER 3/19/2013 4:04PM

    Good to hear you are doing better! You'll come back quicky!

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CHANGINGEMMY 3/19/2013 3:46PM

    Way to go!! Sometimes we have to literally pick ourselves up off the floor and push ourselves to move forward and not let old habits define us.
I hope that you feel back to you old self very soon!!!

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JUNEAU2010 3/19/2013 3:40PM

Great analogy!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STRIVERONE 3/19/2013 3:37PM

    Great to hear. Sometimes working your way through a rough period can re-energize you.

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ATTACKFATCAT 3/19/2013 3:29PM

    After years of reacting badly to life's curve balls, it's going to take time to adjust to reacting well to those same bumps, even when you know those bad habits do not help in the long run. The beauty of all the mental hard work you've done is that those periods of "bad reactions" will be shorter and will occur less frequently over time as you continue to get stronger mentally. I still go through periods of depression, emotional eating, and an antisocial hermit-like lifestyle if life starts screwing around with me, and I went through two years of therapy. BUT those periods are far less frequent and don't last nearly as long as they used to and each time it gets a little easier to stick with the good choices I've made. You get stronger every time you climb back out of one of those holes. That's where you build your mental strength and persistence.

Never give up! Never surrender!

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FROMNDTOGA 3/19/2013 3:21PM


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ALDEBARANIAN 3/19/2013 3:16PM

    Like the old cliche goes, you can't steer a truck that isn't moving. Looks like we add to that, don't try to steer around the bend until you get to it, not if you want to stay on the road.

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ALIDOSHA 3/19/2013 3:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MAUREENGRACE1 3/19/2013 3:04PM

    Glad to see you back in positive form and ready to 'work it' Well done Robert.

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BECCA315 3/19/2013 3:04PM

    You're right: the fastest way to recover is to face where you're at. Becca315

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QUAIL75 3/19/2013 3:03PM

    You can do it! emoticon

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GINGERHAWK 3/19/2013 2:42PM

  So sorry to hear that you went through such a rough time but I'm thrilled to hear you're coming out the other side fighting. You can do this - never stop pushing!

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WORLDSERIES11 3/19/2013 2:35PM

    Robert, glad you made it through the darkness and
have come out the other side into the emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARITIMER3 3/19/2013 2:29PM

    You're human and normal - when something knocks us down, it's really easy to slip back into our old (often bad) habits. Glad you're feeling better and that you're back working out. Take are of yourself.

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NITTINNANA 3/19/2013 2:29PM

    Superb! So glad to hear you're finding your footing again.

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Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.