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Sometimes I actually have good days...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Somedays I actually have good days. Today is, again, not one of them.

There's a lot going on, it seems, in my life right now.

Last Friday would have been our anniversary, and through a series of coincidences, I heard our song over a tv video. I thought I would draw blood from my lip, as I bit it, trying to keep it together.

Mom put the house up for sale, she has said she's not going to buy out Dad's half, and she can't maintain the house on her own. I visited on Friday/Saturday, and strange doesn't even come close to describing how I felt when I saw the For Sale sign on the front lawn.

I've had 4 people make a pass at me since early February. I've decided to let one, and only one, in. The last week or so has been a lot of fun, something I needed desperately, and today, I feel overwhelming guilt.

I know, I shouldn't feel guilty, but that's the feeling I have right now.

I suppose I've been waiting for that feeling to take hold. I mean, I've read a lot about grieving, and there are parts of my head that say it's all normal to go through this, like this, because of the relationship I had with My Guy.

I've been in tears most of the morning, somehow pulling it together for a meeting earlier today. I've already booked tomorrow off, since we have a snowstorm on the way tonight. And I already feel tired in my brain, with still 2 workouts to go today.

I'm going to try sticking it out today at work, but if it doesn't improve soon, I'm going home. Not that being home will make me feel any better, but at least I won't be at work.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon So glad you are able to share your grief journey with us. Know that I care.
    1732 days ago
    Grieving is a process, let your self go through it. Share anytime we are with you.

    Country Living Team
    1733 days ago
  • LINDAF49
    Jo, you have a very good way of putting things in words ! So proud of the way you are working through this and forward always...yes the crying, the hard says, the guilt, are all part of growing and learning and living...Keep up the hard work, the talking and writing and the checking in with counselors as needed. it is all part of this horrible hardest first year. Bless you gal - I'm rooting for you, praying for you and watching for the sun to break through and let some good times roll. Yes!!! keep living....

    This stuff with you Mom is probably taking a bigger toll on you than you might give credit towards also ...all these changes , emotions, losses at one time are definitely overwhelming. You are one strong lady and you will win this hard time. Praying for you!
    1733 days ago
  • EARLE007
    There are ups and downs each day I know.... but each day you are stronger...and we are all here for you ! We love you !!
    1733 days ago
    Jo, Tal would NOT want you to quit living. Guilt for living is so wrong, and you know that is NOT what he would want. Take your day of grieving for your anniversary, then move on. Tal would want that. :)
    1733 days ago
    I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It feels like it will never get better, but it will.
    1733 days ago
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