Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Somedays I actually have good days. Today is, again, not one of them.
There's a lot going on, it seems, in my life right now.
Last Friday would have been our anniversary, and through a series of coincidences, I heard our song over a tv video. I thought I would draw blood from my lip, as I bit it, trying to keep it together.
Mom put the house up for sale, she has said she's not going to buy out Dad's half, and she can't maintain the house on her own. I visited on Friday/Saturday, and strange doesn't even come close to describing how I felt when I saw the For Sale sign on the front lawn.
I've had 4 people make a pass at me since early February. I've decided to let one, and only one, in. The last week or so has been a lot of fun, something I needed desperately, and today, I feel overwhelming guilt.
I know, I shouldn't feel guilty, but that's the feeling I have right now.
I suppose I've been waiting for that feeling to take hold. I mean, I've read a lot about grieving, and there are parts of my head that say it's all normal to go through this, like this, because of the relationship I had with My Guy.
I've been in tears most of the morning, somehow pulling it together for a meeting earlier today. I've already booked tomorrow off, since we have a snowstorm on the way tonight. And I already feel tired in my brain, with still 2 workouts to go today.
I'm going to try sticking it out today at work, but if it doesn't improve soon, I'm going home. Not that being home will make me feel any better, but at least I won't be at work.