Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I had a great run yesterday. Probably one of the best long runs I've had in quite some time. A fellow sparker suggested using a Jeff Galloway interval training schedule to follow in prep for the half in a few months. I started using it this past week and must say I loved it. The long run was completed in a way that I don't normally complete them...feeling good and comfortable, not out of breath and all tight. I completed the miles and had a big ole grin on my face with an awesome feeling of satisfaction.
It's not all pretty though. I am discovering new things about my body and its response to this higher mileage than it's used to. It loves the run while it's running; it's about an hour or so later it likes to shut down a bit. It only happens when the mileage increases or my speed changes as it did yesterday. Maybe I'm not fueling properly, or it's just how my body reacts. Whatever the problem is, I will figure it out and deal with it. Feeling like a zombie on Sundays isn't my favorite way to spend my day off.
I must admit I do amuse myself with my thoughts of giving up, throwing in the towel, finding "good enough" excuses to not continue with this goal, to berate my body for having the nerve to react so abnormally to an abnormal activity and doing all of these things only "after" the hard part is finished. I find myself looking for any and all excuses not to push forward, and then the next day I continue on with that attitude only for it to be replaced with my normal attitude by evening time. Say what?! I've seen this happen a few times now during this training and I just have to shake my head and accept that it's just a strange part of me.
I toss around the thought of "fear of success" sometimes. Maybe there's a fear of knowing that I am capable of so much more than what I'm already doing. Or the fear of what other things I'm going to discover about myself on my journey to this goal. Why would I not want to succeed and learn even more along the way? The first answer, for me, is because it might be painful. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. The second answer is because once I learn something, I've now become accountable and to live a life that is true to myself means respecting that. That could bring more needed change. Sometimes I feel like change is my shadow nowadays.
As this evening progresses, my gentler, go-get-um attitude has returned. Looks like I will need to explain to my ever-so-tolerant love that the ramblings of the lady proclaiming she is quitting is, once again, just a bit emotional.