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I Need to Jump Start This...I Have Been Stuck at This Point for Way Too Long...

Monday, March 18, 2013

For those who have kept up with my statuses and blogs on here, I have been on a weight loss journey since January 2012. For about 9 of those months, I actually had some success. I lost at least 30 pounds and a pants size, a pant size and a half. Since October, I have been struggling with maintaining my weight, let alone lose more.

What made me lose focus at that point, I don't know. It's something I've tried to figure out myself, tried to figure out with the help of the wonderful nutritionist I see. But at this point it is a moot one and I need to move forward.

But that is where I have the problem. I cannot seem to get myself over the hurdle.

It's going to be Spring and Summer soon, two seasons I loathe because of the clothing associated with it. Clothing that is more close fitting. Bathing suits. Shirts where your arms are on display. I am dreading this.

I have a gym pass. I use it, but I know I could make better use of it. I don't make enough time for myself to go for long periods of time or I dilly-dally around in the parking lot before going in, in a way avoiding what I need to accomplish.

I have pretty much stopped logging my food on SparkPeople. This has allowed me to go off and not be accountable for my actions in a way, overeating til my hearts content, a lot of it in secret. I tell myself I can always stop, but I see where that has and continues to lead me.

I haven't blogged let alone posted on a forum in ages. I feel that people have better things to do than read about my feelings (which is untrue because people have responded to friend requests and blogs I have posted and the like). I've also blamed my phone for not working right for not logging my calories and my laptop for being a piece of crap for not blogging or participating in forums. At the same time, I have been able to browse eBay for countless hours and play Words With Friends.

The sad thing is, is that I am too smart for this nonsense. My nutritionist pointed this out many times. She didn't do it to be mean, but to point out that I have so much untapped potential that I am not taking advantage of. This is something I have issues with in other areas of my life, specifically careerwise. I let myself believe that if I cannot do something as simple as keep my body in a healthy state, how can I manage to find a new job, one with benefits and full time status? How can I apply to grad school to get a library science degree, let alone fund it or take online classes? These are obstacles that I allow to stand in my way that I need to remove.

If you read it or skimmed it, thank you for taking the time out to do so. This is something I felt I needed to get off my chest. Any feedback, comments or suggestions are welcomed.
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