Monday, March 18, 2013
Here at my house it is like a home for those with disabilities. As you know, I'm blind, but not only blind I have an injured shoulder. It was doing OK as far as pain and then I decided to try an arm workout with a band. Bad decision! But, I have my MRI follow up appointment on Wednesday. I was supposed to have my hair cut and colored, but I'll reschedule that. Then Jack has this Old Dog Vestibular Disorder which is vertigo in dogs. Geriatric dogs which I strong insist he is not! My sister's mutts all lived good, long lives and almost 9 was still puppy age and is in my book, but there you go. In fact, the vet said today that Jack's case is mild. He has seen it alot worse than what Jack is exhibiting and to give it a few more weeks to run its course. Then, those of you who know me know my husband fell off his truck in June and broke his knee. So, his knee and shin and actuallly his carpal tunnel are all acting up too! I suppose the change in weather has something to do with it all, but we're a mess here!
Jack still thinks he can do his usual running and barking and it is just so sad when a fit of dizziness hits him sort of unexpectedly. When he is sitting his head will just bobble sometimes. He laid it in my palms today just so I could hold it steady. He's just pitiful and it really breaks my heart. After a few attempts to greet the neighbors and chase another dog he is now curled up in his chair resting. I think the curled up position keeps the poor boy steady. He usually sleeps all stretched out up against one of us and last night he slept curled up. I did wake up to being spooned by him. What a great feeling! My husband doesn't like to spoon so it feels good when Jack does! He does it like a human too! He throws a paw over my shoulders or neck and snuggles up right against me. Oh, how I love him! I just feel so helpless. The vet said there is nothing to do since he is not nauseous so there are no meds to help. He said if it didn't clear up in a week or 2 then we could consider seeking help from a neurologist. He said if it is not ODVD then it could b a pinched nerve in his neck or worse case, a tumor. He said it like it would be very expensive and we wouldn't want to consider it! As if! I could give up shopping and whatever else to have my baby checked out. If we can fix it, then we will and if not, well if not, welll.... I'm already depressed since my mom's death and can't even consider losing Jack. It will be bad is all I can say.
So, today I am doing walking videoes with minimal upper body work. I walk thru the house with my walking videoes thinking it might burn more calories and I walk thru the living room and scratch my boy on his head! I am doing everything in 15 minute intervals today. So, I scratch his head or give him a kiss on his sweet head. I just try to show him I am here and love him and it will be OK.
So, we're all limping and stumbling and hurting around here. I feel my optimism in life fading day by day. I cry alot. ALOT. I still feel a glimmer of hope in me somewhere and wonder, even am in awe that it is still there. But, that is how my parents made me. I have to remember that so many people have it so much worse than I. I'm a pretty good person married to a really good person with a really good dog. We could all 3 be hateful and bitter. We all 3 could not be able to move at all. We could be alot worse off than we are and I need to remember that. I just feel so sad right now and it is hard to overcome. Thanks for helping me through this tough time. I'm pretty sure my glass is still half full, but it is hard to focus on the full part right now.