Monday, March 18, 2013
I have been reading Self Matters, by Dr. Phil for a few days. Wow, I discovered something. Firstly, I have always been sabotaged by my SO of ten years. He does exactly the opposite of what I ask to help me lose weight, while contending that he will not consider me a "real mate" until I get thin. Meanwhile he lets me stay as a cheap house servant. This morning's revelation: He does not want a real relationship. He is so blocked emotionally, he can't do it. So as long as I am fat, he has an excuse, I am not worthy. Emergency! I have to leave ASAP. I dreamed what would happen if he died suddenly. I do not make enough money on my own to survive. I will not have access to any of his money so I will not be able to do anything with his property. I will just be out in the street while his wonderful daughter, whom he rarely sees has to take over. Very tragic. But, I don't have to go there! I can make more money, I can get thin, and I can get a new man to travel with, love me authentically, appreciate my good qualities, adore me and provide wealth for me. I always say the only way I can tolerate being old is to be rich. Remember I am 67. My choices are limited. Someone called me a golddigger. Every woman should be that. Why would you want someone who has no money? Unless you are young and you can always start over. I can't start over. This is my last life choice.