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Boy, is this a learning experience!!


Monday, March 18, 2013

Just as there is no prep course for parenting --there is also no prep course for widowhood -- at least that I have found. My husband passed away in December and the bills are still coming in, so I'm not even able to budget yet as I have no idea what will be left to budget.

A really enlightening task was tax prep. I had not been involved in that before so really did not know what was allowed for deductions and what was not. Thank goodness for an accountant that was familiar with our financial situation.

But the adjustments are not just financial -- something as simple (at least it used to be) as cooking a meal -- I am finally starting to eat meals, but so far am still standing at the kitchen counter to eat -- and if I'm really involved in a project, I just skip a meal and continue on. Not good for a diabetic, and I know it.

And the "aloneness". Is that ever taking a lot of getting used to. I have never been accountable to just me before. There was always someone else around that needed meals at a certain time, someone to clean up the clutter for, someone to just share a bit of news with.. Our children do not live near me, but I do have 3 grand daughters who are fantastic support -- but they are very busy with jobs, husbands etc.

So just a bit of advise -- Really get inivolved in your situation. Know just how to maintain your home, and your financial security. Who do you call when something electrical or some plumbing needs fixing. Who is a lawyer you can trust. At the age of almost 80, I'm even having to learn how to grocery shop as my husband did it all before. And have a hobby you can really get engrossed in. I don't drive after dark, so had to leave the nursing home fairly early. How wonderful it was to come home, go to my sewing room and lose myself in working with fabric. That is still my stress reliever.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CINDYSDAY 3/20/2013 4:53PM

    Sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about losing yourself in the craft room! Take care it will take time! emoticon

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SEWINGMAMACDS 3/19/2013 11:00AM

    Sorry about your loss. Glad you have a hobby to help relieve your stress.

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CARLANNIE 3/19/2013 8:30AM

    I, too, am saddened to hear about your loss. I can barely imagine it. But I am glad that you are eating meals again and taking care of yourself - so, so important. When I was young, I watched my mom handle everything by herself after her divorce, so I went through life with the mindset of fending for myself. But over the years, my husband and I have definitely divided the chores. Now anything that needs fixing, he does. And I'd be lost to figure out how to record a tv show, lol! Glad you posted here. Spring will be here soon and you can get out for a walk and fresh air after you need a break from quilting. (((HUGS)))

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PEGGYO 3/19/2013 8:14AM

    thanks for some great advice

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TOWHEE 3/19/2013 1:21AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. I agree that every woman should know about the tasks that their husband does and I feel that every husband needs to know about all of the tasks that the wife does.
I hope you have friends or a guild or a church group that you can meet with. It is as important to get outside the home as it is to keep the home tidy and maintained.

Blessings to you. emoticon

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STLOUISWOMAN 3/18/2013 11:02PM

    So sorry for your loss. I had a friend who was pretty much in your situation when she lost her husband. One of her sons had to teach her to write checks even. She had never written one. That's when I decided that every woman needs to at least be aware of all that stuff & how to handle it, even if she isn't the one doing it.

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DERLAJ 3/18/2013 3:19PM

    Thank you so much for responding to my blog. MaryJoanna, I would love to go outside and walk, but I live in Minnesota and we have snow and ice -- not safe for and old lady like me to go walking in. But thankyou for the suggestion. Soon it will warm up and I will be able to go for a walk, plant my flowers, and start mowing (if, hopefully, the grass will grow). emoticon

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BARBARASDIET 3/18/2013 3:05PM

    I am sorry for your loss. I, too, am a widow but I had a very different situation. I was the one that did EVERYTHING--so there was no learning curve there. You were indeed fortunate to have a husband that did so much for you. I can't imagine how nice it must have been.

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SQUIRRELLYONE 3/18/2013 2:56PM

    My sympathies in your loss.

I hope that each new thing to care for comes in its own time so you have time to acclimatize and deal with it!

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MARYJOANNA 3/18/2013 2:52PM

  I am so sorry to hear bout the loss of your husband. I know it will take time but noticed you are a part of the grief ministry. Are your ministry partners able to help you in any way? Perhaps if you could just go outside for a walk you would get fresh air and exercise, also. Best wishes to you!

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