I want this so bad I can taste it. ....and am afraid!
Monday, March 18, 2013
I wrote a wonderful blog last week about my upcoming departure and work trial in London, that’s all systems go this Thursday and I am nervous as can be.
…But no yet another, potentially glorious, potentially heartbreaking, bomb was dropped last week.
A place I have applied to three times, over the course of three years doesn’t know how they lost my portfolio in October but they apologise and good news----my qualifications have approval.
My apologies to anyone who thought this would be about food. If only my other endevours were as linear as my health & fitness status :)
The place that got everything moving so to speak *now*, the place I have been ****dreaming of working for**** wants to speak to me. I’ve waited and wondered for three years. Questioning if I was good enough, forcing myself to move on and grow as a professional in the meantime…
Somewhere inside I am deliriously happy, at midnight tonight I’ll interview and I will know and have more insight
I already know, have always know that I’ve got the professional ‘chops.’ Confidence in my abilities not the issue…
Somewhere inside that other voice nags. If anything going through the process of securing a new vocation has taught me is that bureaucracy, time tables and cross cultural communication is a real monster…and in this game if something has a probability to go snag a good thing…it will.
I have gone through twice now where two places were keen to take me on but either paperwork or ambiguity on their side has shut down the possibility.
…and it remains me then, the person who got their hopes up, who thought the process was almost over literally crying because you did all you could but it wasn’t enough and no answers are given.
I don’t know if I am strong enough to confront that conclusion again, in regards to the ‘dream job.’ Nor am I not am I not brave enough to give this opportunity everything I got. That bravery opened the door again when a month ago I sent a simple inquiry email that got my file unburied so to speak.
I was chatting with a close friend in Russia a month ago and as I shared with her ---the hardest aspect of the employment acquisition process is attempting to divorce yourself from any expectation or emotion positive or negative.
I am a special education/primary educator---we aren’t exactly hardened soldiers :P
I think I have become better though. I recently had a Russian mother decide within a minute of seeing me on Skype that she no longer wanted to speak with me….(yes really!) Had a school contact me out of nowhere and then never reply…..and I didn’t take it personally and soldiered on.
I just don’t know if I have the ability to do that with this. When I sent my portfolio in October I ate a herring for good luck (as we do at midnight on New Years eve) and will do so again tonight.
All your best wishes, vibes and advice much appreciated.