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    SHE-LION   44,866
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Starting to feel like me again.. !

Monday, March 18, 2013

I've noticed today after leaving the therapist's office that I had a genuine smile on m face. And it felt so good to experience its return again.

The occasional depression I'd experienced previously -- the "Blues" -- had never come close to what I'd climbed out of recently. As much as I'd written like a mad dervish in my journals, I was still curled in a protective fetal position staring at the wall, reaching out for my father. I cried and cried until I though I would've been dried up by then.

After going over the notes I penned, which included highlighted passages I make a point to mark, I realized I could not "do it alone".

I knew I had to contact a therapist, in spite of my frequent trips to Hospice counseling. To say my pride was bruised was an understatement. I knew (logically) I was doing all the right things, but my emotional state was chaotic.

After close scrutiny from a psychiatrist, she assured my darkness is treatable -- praise God! And as ambivalent as I was about the amount of anti-depressants I had to go on, I was comforted to learn this was a short term therapy.

What make this trial bearable is the collective support of my family and friends. They also have seen vast improvement over the last few weeks. To find joy in my previous activities again is awesome!

My grief is bearable, but my openness for the days to come excite me. I wake up with a prayer Thanksgiving and enjoy more light in my moments instead of the darkness which had cloaked me for so long.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JITZUROE 3/20/2013 2:01PM

    I'm so proud of you for reaching when you knew in your spirit that you needed something additional to get you over this hump.
You are so motivational!

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SWEETNEEY 3/19/2013 9:16PM

    Victory is Mine

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LOOKINGUP2012 3/18/2013 5:22PM

    Praise God for your victory!

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BRITTANYS-FSAP 3/18/2013 2:18PM

  Congratulations! That is so awesome. I have considered many times going to therapy or something like it, but people always tell me "you don't need that! There is nothing wrong with you!" I am starting to realize that perhaps it is not a matter of anything being "wrong" with someone, but more like you mention, it is really nice to talk to someone else about what is on your mind and to get an outside perspective on the matter. Someone who can help you remember that it IS really important to enjoy te little things and that just maybe your sorrows are not as big and scary as you think they are. Thanks for posting this!

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