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    SPUNKYDUCKY   58,451
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The Girl in the Owl Shirt...learning to live comfortably in your own skin

Monday, March 18, 2013

So Sparkies I have to say it has been a rough week. Not really sure why but I feel like I am cloaked in some sadness. It may be clinging to me from work - working in the ER can be an emotional drain...It may be from the ups and downs of travel recently- always hard to be away from home...but I think my dear Sparkies that it is more than that. I think it is a bit of an identity crisis. I look in the mirror and I am not entirely certain who I am. Am I the fat girl who projects that no one would ever be attracted to her, am I the thinner girl athlete who exercises at all costs and is borderline obsessed with hitting her goals, am I the more confident (But still not comfortable) butterfly just stretching her beautiful wings? The truth is I am all of these things and feelings quickly change some days from one to the other. Like a slipping identity and it is causing me some emotional distress. I know I tend to be a bastion of positivity, but honestly if anyone else has thoughts on these feelings please let me know. It has been a hard week to stay positive through...

Happy Saint Patrick's day - be safe and take care!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LOOZINITNOW 3/25/2013 9:41AM

    I just read this and coincidentally, I find myself in the same place right now. I know what I want but at the same time am so lost as to who I really am anymore. I'm so happy that you have kicked this funk and are taking back your strength. You are simply awesome!

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FLDEEZ 3/19/2013 7:57PM

    Great post and great comments and support from all the replies!!

I think (hope) it's pretty common to be completely happy with bouts of blinding feelings of being overwhelmed with thoughts of "who you really are". I know that I can ride that roller coaster.

You do look beautiful and confident - as all the others have said - and it's a pretty common (I hope) strategy to fake it in between the times of true confidence! ;-)

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PRETTYPITHY 3/19/2013 5:02PM

    I had a similar week last week. Just couldn't shake the feeling that I'm a failure somehow. I think you're right --there are a lot of emotional and identity changes associated with large amounts of weight loss and sometimes it just feels hard. I was glad to read this blog and see I'm not the only one going through this. Together, we can beat back these blues. emoticon

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KARVY09 3/19/2013 12:42PM

    I know who you are... a wonderful and giving person.

We all feel that way some time. It's life! I love the shirt!

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PIPSANDMSMAMA79 3/18/2013 2:38PM

    LOVE the owl top :) Its gorgeous. You look great in it. You are who you want to be, so be happy. emoticon

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KONRAD695 3/18/2013 1:25PM

    So, you are the happy, fat, skinny, girl who's sad. I agree.
I'm the sad, lazy, athletic, happy guy. Do you agree?

Same feelings, same personality, just a different way to write it. Wish I had this great healing insight for you, but the best I've got is- I'm with you.

I'll sit with you in the park. Let you mope, grump, and be askew of happiness. Then when you're ready- here's your coffee, kiss on the forehead, and "take care, have a good one".

That's my little bit of friendship for the day.

Take care, and have a good one, Konrad

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    Been there, done that, still fighting the battle. Every once in a while when things really get to me, I have to stop and have the "bathroom mirror conversation" with myself. Stand in front of the mirror, any mirror will work. Take a good look at yourself and see you as you actually are. Not what you were, not what you are working to be, but as you actually are. Then say at least three positive things about you as you are right now.

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NEEDBU66 3/18/2013 12:41PM

    Finding our soul is never easy. Thinking that the bones, muscle, fat then skin makes a difference to the soul is a hard lesson to learn. All that stuff does is cover it up.

Being loud, being flashy, being ____ doesn't change the innermost self. Theat inner most self is still there.

Extremely important to not try and cover it up, or "wear a mask"

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MANLEYSANDY 3/18/2013 11:55AM

    I hate that we measure ourselves by the number on the scale, and we use terms to describe ourselves, like "fat girl"... These things should not and do not define us but we let them don't we?

You are not alone, I too wish I could reconcile how my heart feels about myself and what I see in the mirror or on the scale. All you can do is be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time and remember that you are awesome!


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LILIVW 3/18/2013 11:31AM

    The beautiful thing is we get to choose which person we want to be. We can be either. I have been both and I much prefer the confident person who is evolving and believes in herself. If is fine and natural to question but don't let yourself question too much or you might get bogged down and forget about the girl with the butterfly wings.

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FITMARY 3/18/2013 11:24AM

    I'm pretty sure you are NOT the "fat girl"! And I don't think you really want to be the borderline obsessed girl so, at least in my book, that makes you the competent and confident young woman, who does what she must to stay healthy. As for the sad feelings, could it possibly have something to do with the time change and the upset and fatigue that comes from that? I know it affects me. And, lately, I've found that if I slow down and take a bit of a rest when I feel "sad," it usually improves my mood. Just a few minutes ("just 10 minutes"), but it helps! Maybe it will help you?

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SAWYERPATTI 3/18/2013 10:21AM

    You are BEAUTIFUL- inside and out. Spark on- it will all become clear when it's time.

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ROCKMAN6797 3/18/2013 10:13AM

    Beautiful shirt!
It must be in the air because I, too, was feeling down after I failed to meet a goal. But then after some reflection I spun the disappointment into triumph! I think we all get into a funk but the trick is to work through it, don't backslide, and soon you will see blue skies. What you have accomplished in the last few months is nothing short of amazing! Think about it, let it soak in, and revel in the awesomeness of you!
You are a beautiful person, who also happens to be an exercise beast!


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SADWHITEWOLF 3/18/2013 9:25AM

    That shirt is so FUN!
I know what you mean by the way. I seem to have the same "identity issues" these days. I agree the answer to the questions is YES. We are all of things.
Most of all though, we are Awesome! We are Beautiful! We are Strong!

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JSTCHLIN 3/18/2013 9:23AM

    We all go through this from time to time. There are times I feel like the athlete yet I'm eating a donut. Or I'll be eating right and exercising and feel I'm going backwards. Don't sweat it (pun intended). We will bounce back once again in to a mental state of mind in which we are comfortable with everything once again.

For me, I blame it on the weather. It's the end of Winter, still cold and even supposed to snow again today. Grrrr. Once Spring begins and the birds are singing we will we blogging about how well things are going. Great pic, keep SParking!

Take care and stay healthy


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NGCHILD 3/18/2013 8:56AM

    I think it's normal to have these thoughts. Everyone has an off week. Just keep your goal in sight and take one day at a time. You ARE doing it!


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GIANTOCR1 3/18/2013 7:38AM

    Love the picture... I want to say those boots show off your legs. And I love your legs.

Marty emoticon

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KITHKINCAID 3/18/2013 7:13AM

    I hear you honey. No real words of wisdom, just I know where you are and how feel and it's a bummer. Just be who you want to be every day, whatever that might mean.

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    I think you look STUNNING!

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LWLAR7 3/18/2013 2:32AM

  Keep going

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BOPPY_ 3/18/2013 2:30AM

    Whoooo? Owl always remember you. emoticon

You're progressing. The best present you can give yourself.

Lee emoticon


Need to meet new people with new ideas and perspectives?

***Sure, you do*** emoticon

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Life, nutrition, fitness, wellness, humor, culture ... gezortenplatz emoticon

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JJPOCAIGUE 3/18/2013 2:08AM

  You are not alone in feeling like many different people. No matter who you are feeling like everyday, just learn to love that person. You are a beautiful creature no matter who you are feeling like. :-)

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SPSPSP1 3/18/2013 1:47AM

    You don't need to be positive all the time. Just accept yourself for who you are...someone who is constantly evolving. Most importantly, practice being kind to yourself every day. This is as important as any exercise you could do...if not more. I wish you the best!

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