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    FRANCES-AGAPE   198,794
150,000-199,999 SparkPoints


Sunday, March 17, 2013

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You all know that I do not blog regularly, not even to get the extra daily points. Most of the time I just do not take the time to put down my thoughts. Several times when I have begun blogging, it took so long midnight came and went. I either posted on the next day or not at all, copying and saving for another time (which usually doesn’t come to pass). Another good deal of the time, well, I am just plain boring with nothing worth wasting your time reading. There are so many EXCELLENT blogs on Spark ! It is really intimidating for me to write.


The last 2 weeks I have been in dire need of comfort and support!!!
No one knows except my dear Jack. I am even too ashamed to tell my best friend. In fact I waited 4 days to tell Jack.
Amazing, the stress eater that I am, the troubles have NOT negatively affected my eating. In fact, I have probably been eating LESS for a change! But sleep – forget about it.

You know they say to cheer yourself up, help someone less fortunate?
Well, I have been trying that since BEFORE my 3 years of unemployment.
Our house is paid off - She moves about every 18 months into cheaper but worse houses with exorbitant heating/cooling costs. One winter month her heating bill was $650.00!

Our car is paid off and reliable - She has had 3 cheap, old, used cars that need repair/maintenance every other month AND guzzle gas.

Besides Jack, I have 1 EXCELLENT best friend – She has only ME.

Jack and I both have college degrees – She quit school at 16, after her mom kept moving them around so that she went to 8 different schools. (I encouraged her to get her GED. Even she was surprised when they told her she went to so many schools!)

Before being laid off, I had a good-paying job which I LOVED – She has been a job hopper, always only making minimum wage. But several times her hours were cut and the companies changed her from full to part-time, so she would change jobs again trying to get more benefits

Jack also had a good-paying job which he LIKED – Her husband had a good job (well, over minimum wage) at a factory for 14 years. But like most factories, it closed 9 years ago and sent it’s production overseas. With only a high school education (and 4 years fighting in Vietnam!), he could not get anything except temporary and part-time work – when he was lucky.
Although you have to admire him in a way, he was foolish for being too proud and NEVER applying for unemployment or food stamps!

Jack and I have ALWAYS had life insurance just in case

Jack and I have ALWAYS had medical insurance through our jobs – 90% of the time she didn’t

Except for being overweight, Jack is pretty healthy. He has walked at least 5 days a week for over 6 years - . Her husband had cancer, hepatitis and cirrhosis. (He was sprayed with that Agent Orange in Vietnam, and was fighting for benefits when he passed)

I have Jack, for 32 ˝ years of wedded bliss – Her husband passed away last year
No insurance and she is only 43 – too young for SS benefits

We have our WONDERFUL son Matthew – She had many miscarriages and prayed for a child for years.
8 years ago an acquaintance asked her to look after her baby for a couple of hours.
A couple weeks later, again. Then again, for all day. Finally, one day she left him and NEVER CAME BACK! Through friends she learned that the mother had moved from Tenn to Texas! She got legal custody of him. But against my urging, she never adopted him. So now she can’t get SS benefits for the kid either!

Jack and I have ALWAYS had car insurance and never any problems - She never had any until right before I was laid off, when she was stopped and cited for delinquent tags and no insurance. Before then her car was burglarized and messed up

Jack and I have ALWAYS had homeowners insurance and never any problems - She has never had any and her house was struck by lightening. She said the water damage from the fire department was about was bad as the fire!

Jack and I have ALWAYS had sick days at work, a GREAT employee benefit.
2 years ago as soon as her medical insurance waiting period was up, she scheduled surgery for edometriosis. Well, I realized she needed it because she was anemic from bleeding 3 weeks a month. But with a 6 weeks recovery time, no sick days, no saved money while not being paid, I tried to talk her out of it.
Well, NO. She had it and WE had to pay ALL her bills for 2 months !
(Side note: last month she told me they had started again and she was going to have to have the surgery AGAIN!)


Enough boring you with that. (I probably left out some things too!)


So, all-in-all, I AM a pretty lucky gal !

Well, for the first 7 years, hardly a month went by when she didn’t have an emergency of one kind or another. Food, gas to get to work, medicine, clothes for the growing kid, car repair, dentist, doctor co-pay, rent, utilities. Never less than $50. Some months $75, some $600. Sometimes multiple times in the same month. The last 3 years, monthly rarely more than $150 – because I no longer have it!

ASIDE : I am NOT A SAINT ! I am NOT bragging!
I grew up very poor. I KNOW what it is like to have NEXT TO NOTHING!
When things kept going so well in my life, I decided the best way to show God my appreciation for all the blessings was to SHARE with others.
I gave you all the details to show how much time, effort and money I have put into this rescue relationship. It was like she just couldn't get a break.


What BEGAN as trying to get someone on their feet has turned into a NEVER-ENDING money pit which has wiped out almost all of my 30 years savings (except for retirement, which I can’t get to. Oh yeah, she and her husband had NO RETIREMENT money.) Along with money and sympathy, I always tried to give her books and advice on money, organization, life, etc. She has NEVER taken a lick of my advice. About ANYTHING.

It has been SO FRUSTRATING to TRY to HELP someone who keeps making the same FOOLISH choices over and over. All these YEARS and all this MONEY to no avail!

Well, the FINAL STRAW came 2 weeks ago. She called that she was out of gas and needed $$ for it. Then she added, “I need your phone. I’m out of minutes.” I asked, “For how long?” “Only today. One day. Maybe 2.” So she got my $200 cell phone.

That’s been it. No phone. No word. No contact.
I gave her a couple extra days, then began calling the phone several times a day.
Never answered. Kept ringing until they went to voice mail.

I checked on the account, in the first 9 days, she
** Used up all my minutes, send emails, downloaded from the Internet AND racked up almost $200 in overcharges and fees! **

Well, I had calmed down a little after typing all her misfortunes
Now I am MAD again !

I had the phone de-activated but have not reported stolen. I got the lists of phone numbers she has called and received.
Some are all over the country – from California to Florida !
I called most of the local ones.
Most no one answered.
Some denied knowing her.
Finally one number was a half-sister. That was Wednesday. I explained that SHE had borrowed my phone and I needed it back. Would she PLEASE tell her to get in touch with me!!! She said, “Yes. I will tell her. I am supposed to see her tomorrow.””


I am at my wits end !!!!!!!!!!

Jack is upset that I have been duped. He has always thought SHE was a worthless cause, but since it was MY extra money from MY salary, he said that I could do whatever I wanted with it.


PLEASE !!!!!!

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I want to do the right and correct thing.
But I am hesitant to get police involved. What would that help- she doesn’t have money to pay the bill ?
If you have ANY suggestions at all, they are welcome.


THANKS for letting me vent.
THANKS in advance for your prayers and good thoughts.

One important thing that I have learned:……
Spark Friends are REAL FRIENDS !

Hope you had a Super Sunday

Let’s Have a Wonderful Week !

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SKIRNIR 3/25/2013 11:33AM

    Sounds like she has been taking advantage of you trying to help her and it is time to stop helping her. Good thing you cut off the phone, but you may never see it again, unless of course she needs something and still thinks you will help her! I will keep you in my prayers. I have felt others have used my good intentions too and I hope that I can trust another person in need enough to help them, but I am just not sure I could fight my cynicalism enough to help them right now.

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FISHER011 3/22/2013 2:28AM

    Frances- you are a kind & caring person & I am sorry you had to go through this!
I'm sorry I was so blunt in my previous post. I sometimes get on my soapbox & want things right in the World & only the Lord can do this!
My humble apologies! Please be patient with me!
I wish the best !

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FISHER011 3/22/2013 1:06AM

    It's good to vent! You're in my thoughts & prayers!
As I read your blog, I thought back to people I use to know who did things like her.
Perhaps she is on drugs & only thinks of herself & she really has no use you like this.
I used to be on drugs & an alcoholic too, but I never did things like this person...instead, like you I was used & abused because I believed in helping others & my faith was tested. People on drugs see us coming & know that we will help them. I didn't start using until I was 30, & I fell into that life when I let a friend's husband stay at my home. Next thing I know, he was putting Meth into my tea. I was very naive. I also had my ID stolen & a car rented in my name & wrecked. I didn't find this out until I had been clean & sober for 5 years & went to rent a car. I am now 16 years clean & sober.
Report her & feel good that you are helping yourself to some Peace & helping her child, who may be another one of her victims.I hope you can bring yourself to report her before she finds some other way to use your good name & good credit!
Bless you for Welcoming me on the Team today! And for being my new Spark Friend!
See, even I shared a part of myself & circumstances that are rather embarrassing, but I felt the need to share with you that she may not have any morals & is perhaps on drugs & a danger to others. And I feel better too...God Bless You!
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FRANCES-AGAPE 3/21/2013 11:56PM

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Your sympathy, concern and encouragement is

for taking so long to look at posts and emails

You Dear Spark Friends have been here
for me when I haven't had anyone else
except my Honey Hubby Jack

After posting, I was afraid that I shouldn't have.
The embarrassment of it all
I have felt like such an IDIOT !

I just wanted to say this general post of
to each of you individually as time allows.

Hope you had a Terrific Thursday !
Have a Fabulous Friday !

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MISSILENE 3/21/2013 6:52AM

    Oh my. so sorry, I know her cousins, M^&&ya& &, Mar*^%, Ers##$, and several others...The best thing they can do for you is leave you. And thats what mine did. Hope that this is her way of saying goodbye to you. One of my ""Friends" even died, and a friend of hers was looking for money for her.

Again I am sorry but I learned my lesson. You are a wonderful person. Hugs.

I hope that you remember this friend and never get sucked into a friendship again like it. YOU are too good for this.....

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PEPPYPATTI 3/19/2013 7:03PM

    Oh Frances! You are too sweet of a person for this to be happening too! In my opinion, you have done everything you can for her, above & beyond. She obviously is not too concerned about helping herself or she never would have done this to you. I would definitely call the cops. If she is doing this to you, just imagine what else she may be doing. You are in my thoughts & prayers!

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ASOBFALLS 3/18/2013 9:29PM

    emoticon You need to vent... I am not going to give advice...
Writting it all down like this puts some order and 'frames' around this situation.
Perhaps the "picture" is changing and becoming simplier to see.

I have several children (we adopted) in this type of thing.
I am finishing with the book of Proverbs...verses kept popping out at me as I took in those chapters. emoticon

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67YKCEB 3/18/2013 11:09AM

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She sounds like my sister. ..... call the police and report it. she is a user and will always be one. And you being the kind soul that you are, took care of her. I grew up dirt poor, made a smart move, like you,when I married my hubby. My sister ????? I just shake my head and wonder what happened to her. I am so sorry that you got caught up in her mess. But you need to report your phone stolen ... by her.

If you still feel the need to help others ... some advice ...... help an organization - one that has to file taxes and report all of their donations.
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CRYSALLIS1 3/18/2013 9:21AM

    Yes, I would report it stolen so she hopefully is not able to reactivate it. Glad your feeling better.

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FRANCES-AGAPE 3/17/2013 11:52PM


While checking emails, I clicked on a link to a page, then clicked on another link, and another and ended up at this place which is EXACTLY what I need !


for your responses
I am emotionally MUCH better !

You know, sometimes "you can't
see the forest for the trees" thing


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DJ4HEALTH 3/17/2013 10:33PM

    It sounds like she stole your phone because she was only to use it for about 2 days at the most and now she racked up over $200 in charges on your bill,, report it stolen and get it cut off totally so that she can not rack up any more charges and make sure that you put a pass word on it so that she can not activate it again and put more charges on it. Make sure that it is something that she will not know.

PS she also sounds like a leach and you need to put salt on it and get rid of it.

Comment edited on: 3/17/2013 10:35:45 PM

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FRANCES-AGAPE 3/17/2013 10:17PM

    I think I left out that she has moved and I don't know where she is

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I probably should have put this in a private journal

WOW ! It really helped to at least get it out of my system

Tomorrow I will tell my best friend - they have never met

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for your concern, prayers, good thoughts
and suggestions

Live and Learn, isn't it ?

Jack says I was a bit slow learning !

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CRYSALLIS1 3/17/2013 10:12PM

    Im so sorry that this person has took obvious advantage of you. It might be a good idea to call the police. You may if your lucky get your phone back. At the least hopefully she will get the message that the fun and games are over.its time to cut any future losses. Some things seem to be possible Misfortune. Too many others seem to be willful negligence. You had faith in another human being she took advantage of that. That's very unfortunate. Your in my prayers. Hugs!

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