SparkPeople advertisers help keep the site free! Learn more
    WINDSONG25   81,761
SparkPoints 		80,000-99,999 SparkPoints
 
 
I Hate My Body Sometimes (Not for the Guys)

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Okay, so I said I wouldn't talk about it but here I am. I'm talking about it. I thought I was pregnant. I had a few signs and others said they thought I was, namely one of my bosses and my future mother in law, and so I go and waste the money on a couple of First Response pregnancy tests. I take one this morning and it of course comes back negative. I swear I'm going to stop thinking I'm pregnant permanently because I am so BEYOND sick and tired of my body giving me signs and it not happening. I want nothing more than to be a mother but it's probably never going to happen between the PCOS, endometriosis, and my blood condition. I need to accept that. But I don't want to. I want someone to call me mommy. I do. And to add insult to injury to a negative test, I'm already spotting and starting my next monthly. ALREADY! I'm just sick of it. I really hate my body sometimes. I really do. It betrays me far too often.
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISEMBREE 3/20/2013 12:12PM

    Aw sweetie, I will be praying for you. I've walked this journey with several friends and I can hear the hurt and longing in your post. If you ever need to just vent via private message, feel free. I've got big shoulders to cry on and listening ears to hear you. ((HUGS))

Report Inappropriate Comment
KENSHO 3/20/2013 11:30AM

    Just a hug.... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BECOMING_HOLLY 3/19/2013 3:48PM

    emoticon I hate being a girl sometimes too. I know that you can continue working hard and sometimes it helps with pregnancy!! You know I am here if you ever need to talk!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSLEO88 3/19/2013 2:40PM

    Hey friend, I know how you feel. Don't give up though, take care of you and everything will fall into place. God has a plan for you and he is still in control.

Report Inappropriate Comment
POPPISEED 3/18/2013 5:05AM

    hey, don't give up hope - you will have that cute bundle of love that calls you "mommy" - it may not happen right now but it will happen. sometimes things happen just so we are aware of what we truly desire - a positive test will come when you least expect it and you'll be happier than you've ever been. chin up and never ever give up... take a break from thinking about it and concentrate on something else (as hard as that may be) and all will be well. God is always giving us what we need, when we need it... you'll see this when it's time. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISTYRIOS 3/18/2013 2:58AM

    Don't give up hun...I also have PCOS and was told I wouldn't be able to have any more kids but I ended up having twins emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EVER-HOPEFUL 3/18/2013 2:44AM

    never give up hope.if it is meant to be it is meant tobe.i have a blood disorder as well as i use to have endiometrioses as well(know i spelt it wrong)i also thought i couldnīt have children as i never got pregnant when younger.i got pregnant the first time at 37 and boy were we surprized as we had given up hope.i ended up being pregnant 6 times but lost 3 of them due to my blood disorder.we nearly lost the three we have but luckily they survived .i had my last pregnancy at 44.so never give up hope.there are also lots of things that can be done now o if you haīvenīt gone to your gyno go again and see what options there are.maybe you can have an op for your endometiosis if it is that bad.also you can check if either you or your boyfriend might have a problem or an imcomplatability that can be helped some way.how long have you been trying?also stress can cause your body to delay periods etc so try not to stress so much.i know that is easier said than done but it is true.i will pray for you love and know i have been there and know what it is like.as i said when we had given up hope.that is when i got pregnant.i like to think because i was no longer stressing about it and putting undue presure on my self.also stop putting the blame on youeself as i know you will be and also feeling a failure as that is how i felt for so many years.take care .if you need to talk you can contact me .like i said i have been there but never give up hope. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BETHIEBOOPS 3/18/2013 2:14AM

    Oh sweetie! I get it. I so do. *hugs*

PCOS can be beaten though- but it will test your strength and character. Wasn't it eleanor roosevelt who said, "A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water."

So, girl, I know you are strong, do you?

Fight back!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSANBEAMON 3/18/2013 12:53AM

  we all hate our bodies sometimes, especially when they won't do what we want. When it's something like having a baby, our minds get in the way. our thoughts can make our bodies produce hormones that interfere with our bodies functioning. Which is why you hear so many stories of women having babies after they have accepted being told they won't or can't. they relaxed and stopped letting their minds get in he way of their bodies. true, it doesn't happen every time, but enough to make the suggestion that you relax and stop worrying valid.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LADYPYE 3/17/2013 9:14PM

    I had a DNC when I was 17. While on the table I woke up and the doctor knocked me back out. I later found out that I had hemorraged and had to have a blood transfusion. The doctor then proceeded to tell me I would never have any children. My body gave me signs that I was pregnant only to test and I was not. This happened several times. Then, I got pregnant. Was blessed with a girl. Lost weight, pregnant again. It seemed everytime I lost weight I got pregnant. I now have 4 children. (20, 17, 14 and 12)

I know it's frustrating but it will happen when your body is totally ready. Just keep on your healthy lifestyle changes and it will happen. Either by birth or the advantage of adoption. There are many children who need loving parents. Your time will come.

Just keep smiling.

Report Inappropriate Comment
123ELAINE456 3/17/2013 7:37PM

  God Loves You. He has Many Blessings in store for You. Weather it include a child of your own, or an adopted child or some other things only Gods knows. No one knows why we go through trials and tribulations here on earth. Put your Trust in God. He will Never Let You Down. Read Your Bible and go to Church. Praying that all goes Well for You and Your Family. God Blessings to You and Everyone. Have a Happy St. Patrick's Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SEATTLE58 3/17/2013 5:43PM

    Hi, I saw your blog and I had to check you out because I think that too, about hating my body so much of the time. I have never been diagnosed with PCOS, but have thought over the years that I had it because of so many symptoms. We tried and tried to have kids to no avail and adopted two beautiful babies who are all grown up now! My husband and I are in our 50's now and thinking back on those days and raising our wonderful family turned out to be one of life's greatest blessings. You never know where your life will take you. I'm wishing you the very best that life can give you!
emoticon
Karen

Report Inappropriate Comment
XANGELSTEARZX 3/17/2013 4:13PM

    emoticon PCOS makes it so hard. It's an emotionally painful thing to deal with. It's hard to find a happy medium to live with when it feels like you are let down month after month. Hang in there! If it is meant to happen then some way some how it will. I really believe that.

But, for now I cope by collecting small dogs like they are going out of style. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
OSDOWNS 3/17/2013 3:11PM

    I have been where you are. I know exactly how you feel. I have PCOS, etc. etc. you will have your own journey in this process. Mine lead me to realize that FOR ME it was more important to be a mom than it was to bear a child. My journey ended with adoption.

One thing I learned is that you need to give yourself some love and kindness. This is a stressful thing and you need to take care of yourself. It will be alright.

emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLITZ0825 3/17/2013 3:04PM

    I'm going to tell you a little about my best friend, and maybe it'll help.

She also has PCOS, endometriosis, etc.
For the longest, she wanted to be a mother more than anything.
She was told by several doctors that it would never happen.
She tended to get really down about it.
She had no less than eight miscarriages. Honestly, I lost count.

One day, she called me and asked me to come sit with her in the hospital. Her husband was at work and couldn't get off, so he'd had to drop her off and leave her in the ER. I didn't have to work that day, so I drove two hours to sit there with her in the ER. When we finally got back to a room, they did a bunch of tests and found out that her intestines were nearly blocked by endometrial tissue. They set her up for surgery and removed most of the endo tissue that was taking over her organs like kudzu. She applied a hormonal cream every day after her surgery to slow the growth of the tissue, and no less than a month later she was pregnant with her little girl.

Her child is now four. She hasn't ever had another child, but she was lucky enough to find the right doctor to help her achieve what she'd always wanted.

Sometimes things happen, and sometimes we have to make things happen. I hope you get what you wish for. I know it's hard, and my heart goes out to you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIRFA71 3/17/2013 3:03PM

    Hey, don't despair. Hang in there. You cannot give up so easily. That day will surely come when you will be holding a little bundle of joy. Take care of your health. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.
 


Other Entries by WINDSONG25