The probability of failure is OK too.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
This morning I woke up with an extremely high level of anxiety that seemed to be mostly a result of not obsessing over what I was eating two days in a row. Not the entire day, but two dinners that weren't even "bad" foods, but that I had no control over the nutritional information and yet still enjoyed the meal. Long blog short, I processed my irrational anxiety this morning before my Sunday reset moment and realized how silly I was being.
So I kept my Sunday promise, even after my browser closed before I posted my blog. I didn't freak; I let it go. Granted my passive aggressive blog prior to this slipped in there. Anyway I threw on my gym clothes and headed out. I began with 45 minutes of high intensity elliptical work - it felt pretty awesome and was the most mileage I've ever completed in 45 minutes - and then I faced my apprehension in weight lifting. I've been putting it off for about a month. I know it's necessary for a healthy body and I'm not new to the idea; I lifted quite seriously for 4 years when I swam in college. I know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it; though this time around my social anxiety has been getting the best of me. These ridiculous notions of whether or not I'll look silly or screw it up or need help were preventing me from just getting on a machine. I started to head for the locker room and stopped myself.
My first day of strength training is complete. I only worked legs, but maintained consistent reps and weights, paying attention to my breathing, control, and tightening my abs. It felt good and feels even better having accomplished something I have been avoiding.
In the spirit of converting my irrational anxiety to a productive healthy day, I experimented with lunch too. I tried a rice-less sushi of my own design - smoked salmon, goat cheese, spinach, and red peppers - it wasn't perfect and I needed to resort to using a fork as it fell apart, but is nevertheless enjoyable to take a chance on something, content with probable failure.