Sunday, March 17, 2013
I am afraid I was rather blue there for a while. As in, my life is pointless and I have a large life insurance policy blue. My adult son has gotten himself into some legal trouble and although he is dealing with it as well as can be expected, it's not what I expected for him. My husband has health issues which cannot be resolved, just managed (although managed poorly right now) and my daughter is also not where she should be, as far as education goes. She has a new job now, left her boyfriend, and with the help of friends (she lives in another state) she's getting back on her feet. I'm frustrated with my job search and my dead-end job and I will be coming up on a year after graduation with my MBA and nothing to show for it.
To top it off, I feel like to complain about such things is whining. Oh, boo, you hate your job. Be grateful you have a job. Oh, boo, your children aren't in school. Be grateful they're not on drugs. Oh, boo, your husband can't work. Be grateful he doesn't beat you. Whiny whiny, first world problems.
The funny thing is, back in February I took a week off work and I got out of the habit of taking my vitamins, so I hadn't taken them for nearly a month. This past week I remembered them and started taking them again. Nothing bizarre, just vitamins my doctor recommended, like calcium and vitamin D and evening primrose oil.
So today, while I'm still somewhat discouraged at where I am (or to be precise, that I'm not where I want to be) I'm not feeling hopeless, which is rather a scary, bleak feeling. I met with my fellow Toastmasters officers today to go over club business and it was quite fun. I'm working on Speech #9, I'll be Toastmaster at tomorrow's meeting so I will work on that as well, and I suppose I'll take another whack at a job search, although I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It seems this networking thing isn't the magic bullet that I thought it would be. I've reached out to friends who work at companies that interest me, but nothing. I even had a gentleman write an absolutely lovely recommendation letter for me, and nothing. I'm not sure what more to do. I think I'll have to go back to reading What Color is Your Parachute and redoing the exercises in there.
On the fitness and food side, I've been doing Zumba and Body Pump at the gym. At first I was a bit intimidated at my lack of co-ordination and the low weights in the classes, until I realized that everyone is focused on the instructor and making sure THEY are following along to pay attention to whatever flailing I may be doing. It's a lot of fun and I enjoy it. I gave up peanut M&Ms for Lent (I'm not Catholic, but it's just a fun thing we're doing at work, tracking what each of us is doing for Lent) and so far, so good.
I have therefore learned that vitamins can help with moods and having something to work on for personal growth and development can be very empowering.