Sunday, March 17, 2013
I didn't mean to imply that my sons bicker openly. they do have their moments, but basically our family times are wonderful, warm, with everyone enjoying each other's company. We had a wonderful lunch yesterday with everyone, celebrating daughter-in-law's birthday, after some initial disagreement over what time to meet. My boys all love sports, a love they got from their dad, so that is usually the main topic of conversation. I really look forward to our family dinners and companionship. It's just right now, I feel like any bickering at all is just petty and unnecessary. We all have to focus on bigger things, and stop the bickering. But then I've always been way too sensitive.
I was thinking about how to tell his family members about the cancer. As I have mentioned, my family knows. But that's just my niece and her family and my brother and sister-in-law. That's all I have left, other than my boys and dear hubby. Do you all think a generic e-mail sent to everyone would be too insensitive? It's really hard for me to talk about without dissolving in tears, especially when I describe the seriousness of our particular situation. And I want to be sure they know it's not the regular slow-growing non-serious kind of prostate cancer that hubby has! It's advanced and aggressive and life-threatening. I was thinking even about sending them copies of the graphs I put in my last blog. I would send the e-mail to his dad, his two sisters and perhaps his brother (the one we will be visiting in DC). They all live out of town. Although I might wait to tell his brother until after our trip there. It might be easier if they don't know, while we are there. It would be more NORMAL. Hubby is not close to his brother. We have probably seen him twice in the last 10 years. We don't correspond with him, other than Christmas cards, I don't even have their e-mail addresses. My sister-in-law is supposed to send me e-mail addresses however, so we can talk more about our trip before we arrive. I am friends with her on Facebook, that's how I found her cell phone number.
I feel like his family needs to know, but I would include a paragraph in the e-mail about how we need our privacy now and discourage visits and even phone calls, at least for a while. I'm just afraid his dad will want to make a trip to Lincoln immediately, and neither one of us needs the added stress of a parental visit right now. I don't want to offend them, but hopefully they will understand and be compassionate. I love them all and know they would be supportive, but I worry about intrusiveness. I know that will be their first impulse, and we just don't need that right now.
As far as telling hubby what I discovered on the Cancer Center website, I don't think I will. What purpose does it serve to let him know that his outlook is so bleak and so short? So far he has been pretty upbeat, but I know inside, he is as upset as I am. Who wouldn't be? I know in the past he has read my blog a time or two. Hopefully he won't read these latest ones... I probably shouldn't even write about all this, but it seems to help me, to get it all out. And as I have said before, I feel somewhat anonymous here, which allows me freedom to bare my soul.
Let me know what you think.