I've been in a funk so far this March for a couple of reasons...

One - as much as I like my job, there are alot of reasons why I would happily leave at the moment. Since last October I've been in a new department with a new manager. It's a woman...I hate to say it but I really don't like reporting to a woman. Don't get me wrong, I believe and support women in management and I think more boards need us but we are not always the easiest to report to. In general I like and respect my boss but I've discovered that she is controlling and a micro manager. It's been challenging especially with my experience and education level to be treated as someone needs every move monitored. Also, the company as a whole is struggling and we did not receive merit increases this year. With the increase in taxes at the first of the year I am actually bringing home less money. If the right position with the right company at the right salary presented itself, I would happily jump ship at the moment. What I'm finding though is my compensation is usually at the top end of the scale...some days it feels as if I have worked so hard to be the best at my job, worked hard to get an advanced degree and yet, I can't seem to get anywhere. This economy sucks!

Two - my youngest son has epilepsy and has had two seizures in less than three months. He's 17 so this causes some anger and disappointment from him regarding not being able to drive. If he can go seizure-free it'll be September 7 before he can drive. It's frustrating not knowing exactly why he has this condition but we think we have targeted his trigger...fatigue. The problem is as a 17 year old boy, a growth spurt can cause fatigue. The last two episodes though involved him taking out of the ordinary naps within 12 hours of the seizure so we are definitely on high alert for that trigger. We are also being more aggressive in his overall health. He is about 20 pounds overweight so we are really working on helping him to drop the weight. He seems to be on board (he's fought us in the past) and has lost 6 pounds already! I keep a pretty clean cupboard but his dad is now getting with the program. No soda, no processed foods and more organic meats. There is so much junk in our food and we hope by eliminating these nasty chemicals that will help him. I'm also going to have his sugar checked and we are getting a referral for a nutrionist from his neurologist. He's feeling better already and I pray the ladder of healthy living will help us keep his condition under control. Healthy eating+exercise=increased energy=better rest=fatigue management=less seizures. Of course his medicine as been adjusted as well. We're keeping our fingers crossed.

I can't begin to tell anyone who hasn't witnessed a seizure how frightening it is. There is an unmistakable noise he makes which is what my nightmares are made of. Seeing him go through them is just awful and we are fortunate he has always had them at home. The last one was in the dining room and he fell on the dog food bowls but I'm grateful he didn't fall into the water. I have to learn to manage my panic of when and where they could happen and what if I can't be there to somehow protect him. I'm working through it and trying to not let it totally control my thoughts but I feel like I can't let my guard down for a minute.

Hence, my March funk...