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WOLFKITTY
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Rebuilding, Redefining, Refocusing

Sunday, March 17, 2013



Despite resisting the blog assignment kick-off to a Sparkteam challenge last month to re-introduce myself to my team and SparkiLand, I can't seem to get away from the task.

I have been asked to introduce myself more than 3 times since then. This morning after doing an introductory KaiaFit class with NEWSGIRL2177, I fell back on my old, trusty weight loss accomplishment.

"I changed my life 5 years ago when I weighed almost 400 pounds and lost 125."

People applauded and I felt a twinge (not of guilt, but something..). Then NEWSGIRL2177 helped by including in her intro how we were workout partners, and friends, and challenge each other to stay active and do new things. It was perfect and a more accurate definition - one that I am proud of, despite my recent 2013 set backs. One that is not 4 years stale.

We are runners, we've done CrossFit, we know things and care, and can't be defined by whatever perception you might have of our appearance, or weight, or speed, or sweat.

--It's exactly what I fumbled with.
It's exactly why I balked inwardly when I felt like I was being lectured (even though I probably wasn't), and on a nearly cellular level my body was screaming out "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" (even though no one may have been judging me).

*I* felt out of place because of my size.. because I was forced to confront what I had been ignoring the past couple of months- that I'm not exercising. I'm not running, dancing, playing. I've done a bit of hiking, I've done weekends in sweeps of fitness minutes, but not in a way that helps me or my body. But I'm not fueling myself with healthy foods or water. I'm not as strong as I was before Christmas.

But that doesn't mean I can't be.
It doesn't mean that I "am not" permanently.



I railed so hard against being defined poorly because *I* am the one who is viewing my actions as a reflection of who I am.

I'm reminding myself that the beautiful thing about finding who you are is that for the most part YOU define it through your actions, and your mindset, and your own perception. We tell kids they can be whatever they want to be, but forget ourselves.

I am at a crossroads. I can choose to sink deeper into past poor habits of working too much, eating too little (then eating TOO MUCH in big chunks), and being sedentary, or I can be a vibrant, healthy person who chooses good nutrition and positive thoughts with increased energy.



I was born in Hawaii, but I'm not Hawaiian.
I can still have hula in my hips and a flower in my hair.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v RESTORED_ME
    You are on the right track

    1169 days ago
  • v DDOORN
    We're all here for you, giving that gentle "nudge" to tip the scales in favor of LIFE and LIVING! :-)

    Don
    1170 days ago
  • v MISSB8604
    You go girl! We're all rootin' for you!
    1170 days ago
  • v KNH771
    This blog resonated a lot with me. I have a good history with wellness, but I've been struggling lately. It's hard to face up to it. I have a tendency to look backward instead of forward... Gotta change that!
    1170 days ago
  • v GRAPLEIRIS
    This is exactly the kind of crossroads I've been dreading. Things have not been EASY for me, but I have been making progress. What happens when my motivation slips?

    This is a great reminder: you pick yourself up and move on in the right direction.


    Thanks!
    1170 days ago
  • v ADVENTURE-GIRL
    Lovely blog. This resonates with me, especially where I am at in life right now. Thank you.

    You can be what you want to be.
    emoticon
    1170 days ago
  • v SKINNYINMYHEAD
    I vote for Vibrant and Healthy! Yeah you!
    1171 days ago
  • v NEWSGIRL2177
    This is a really honest and well-written blog. We already kinda talked about it this morning. But I wanted to stop by and note how awesome you are.

    1171 days ago
  • v BLUEANGELLK
    Right on !
    1171 days ago
  • v HHB4181
    great blog! emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v MCJULIEO
    Hitting nail on head!
    1171 days ago
  • v JESPAH
    The ship has sails, and it has a rudder.

    The winds cannot be predicted or controlled. The tide cannot be harnessed. The waves will do as they will.

    But the sails can be trimmed, or even taken down entirely. And the rudder exists for steering.

    Control what you can; don't lament what you can't.

    Ever onward.
    1171 days ago
  • v HEALTHY-SPARK
    I love the bit about the crossroads -- isn't that the truth of it everyday really. I am at that point myself, and have been sort of stalled there with all sorts of various excused (or things that I at least used as excuses) to explain how I got to that point in the first place. Thanks for sharing! Great thoughts for me to ponder this morning.
    1171 days ago
  • v TIME2BLOOM4ME
    emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v FLDEEZ
    Very inspiring. Very insightful. I love this line "who you are is that for the most part YOU define it through your actions, and your mindset, and your own perception" Thanks so much for posting!

    (And I think you already ARE that person who chooses positive thoughts!)


    emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v 40PUDDLEJUMPER
    emoticon emoticon

    and nice to meet you at last!!!
    1171 days ago
  • v AWESOMECHELZ
    I know what you mean about thinking "you don't know me!" I go through the same thing throughout my days and it is difficult. I have MS and take the bus everywhere and as I struggle, I sometimes feel sad because I feel so disconnected. Thanks for sharing since I know others go through the same thing. Good luck this week with your goals. Chelsea, SP member emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v INSPIRATIONAL3
    Please dear Spark Friend Choose Life and not Spiritual Death
    You are definitely worth it.
    Just Listening to your story I saw a strong courageous women to have had obstacles and met the challenge and won
    Look back at what you did and inspire yourself let it come from within that you are a strong willed, successful lady who is entitled to sometimes fall into the pits of despair when you have made radical changes in your life through much work effort and strength and the territory your in now is not as familiar and is new terraine. That old you is calling for you to return.
    Say NO....BE ADVENTUROUS AND CONTINUE TO CARVE OUT NEW TERRAIN OF HEALTH AND HAPPINESS FOR YOURSELF...MAKE IT AD ADVENTURE NOT A JOB....OR WORK...BE EXCITED FOR EACH NEW DAY WITH THE NEW LIFE YOU CREATED EMBRACE THE REWARDS OF ALL YOUR HARD WORK AND REFUSE TO GO BACK TO THE BONDAGE YOU WERE IN.

    Don't beat yourself up just because this new existence of success does not seem familiar and comfortable since the old life haunts you still and is trying to pull you back to that place of burying yourself alive and not acknowledging all the unique wonderful gifts you possess and need to share with the world.

    Fight the good fight my wonderful beautiful Spark Friend. Don't give into the negative and sabotaging feeling that put you back there where you never want to be again. Recreate where you were why you can't go back there again and accept you are WONDERFUL, DESERVING, ENTITLED TO BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE AND YOU REFUSE TO LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE (INCLUDING YOUR NEGATIVE SELF) TAKE YOUR RIGHT TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY AWAY FROM YOU.

    LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM YOUR SPARK FRIEND YVONNE
    VISIT ANYTIME I NEED A STRONG PERSON LIKE YOU ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME SINCE I FALL INTO THE SAME PIT ALSO BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT DARK SIDE OF ME IS GOING TO WIN.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v SUSANBEAMON
    you are the only one who can judge what you do with any reality. whatever we, the people outside your skin may say we think, only what you want or think matters. emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v PRETTYPITHY
    I know which option sounds better to me! emoticon
    1171 days ago
  • v UMBILICAL
    RRRRRRRRRR
    1171 days ago
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