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it's been long enuf; might as well write somethin'

Saturday, March 16, 2013

I am at that point in my journey where I feel like I am watching all the action from the sidelines and I am a little distracted by everything else happening around me. I have logged into Spark every day in the past month, even if it is for just a few minutes to check a friend's blog or check my page. But I haven't been inspired. I have no desire to go back to the person I was, but I just want a semi-normal life. I understand that I will never be the girl who can eat whatever I want. I also know that exercise must be a regular part of my life. I am finding it difficult to do them both simultaneously on most days. Somedays I am ashamed at how I have either eaten or that I have skipped a workout especially when I know that I have Sparklers out there that are working so hard and are not taking their loss for granted. When you know better, you should do better. Right now my best isn't good enough.

I feel "fluffier" than usual. I look heavy (in my eyes). But despite all of that, I am pegging along. Yesterday it was a nice 58 degrees in Omaha. I got off the plane, relaxed a bit at home and then I went on a walk/run. After being in California, the temp was a bit chilly for me. I started off walking. I then told myself, "the only way to deal with this cold is to make your body hot - start running." So I began jogging. I jog past the lake, down the street and then I turn the corner to see my first hill. I don't take a break, I run up it. I feel my lungs want to burn and I tell myself, "You know how to breathe, so do it!" I got on top of my breathing, turn the corner and there was an even greater hill than the last. I tell myself not to look at how big the hill is, concentrate on the ten feet in front of you. As I am doing this A man walking his dog passes me and he says, "This hill is hard work! Good job!" I gave a quick nod and kept breathing and running. I got to the top of that hill and began the jog down. I kept going until I got to the end of the block and I took a walk break. I typically have a saying: Keep running because it is harder if you stop. Sure enough, picking up the run again was a little difficult. There I was starting and stopping every several blocks or so. Finally, I get to jogging again and I tell myself, "Try a faster pace - it may be easier." So I RUN. Not jog, but RUN. I only make it about three blocks at that pace but I was proud. After that run, I decide to walk the last 7 blocks at a quick pace. When it was all said and done, I did three miles in 40 minutes. I was shocked when I got back to the car and seen that only 40 minutes had passed! That moment made me realize that as hard as I have been on myself, I am still on track to reach my goals. I CHOSE to walk those last 7 blocks and I could have jogged some of it. I chose to walk several times. And I wasn't TRYING to reach any special time stamp. I was just exercising. Proud moment.

Also, yesterday, I registered for THREE races - one in April and two in May. The first one is an 80's themed 5k, the next a 7k trail run with beer and the last one is another Color Run. So while I may not feel my best right now with where I am at, I am convinced that I will outlast this rut that I am in. I wish you all the best of luck and encourage you to just keep pushing. Keep at it until you find your inspiration again. Being SLIGHTLY on track is much better than being lost in the woods.
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