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    KING_SLAYER   55,001
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50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Week 101 Weigh in 3/16/13

Saturday, March 16, 2013

So after a really good week 100, I rebounded to a sub par week 101 :( All my fault, my diet has been all over the place, been distracted by what seems to be a thousand other things and overall just not been happy. Truth be told, I haven't been happy for a very long time, I've just gotten real good at faking it so people won't constantly ask me "what's wrong?".

Please don't take what I've written here as me crying out for help, it's just a factual admission, I'm not a happy person. I am pleasant enough, I have friends and I can have a good time, I just don't remember the last time that I was filled with happiness, warmed with good feelings, etc.

Anyway. So yeah, this week pretty much sucked. On to the numbers.

Weight : 214.8
Gain : 1.6
Total : 102.4

Yep, up 1.6 lbs, almost entirely wiping out last weeks loss of 2 pounds. Such is life. No big meals planned for today either. Usually head out and have a big lunch with my son, but we had a funeral to go to at 11 am and I had a small sandwich afterward with some fruit. At least by not having the big lunch I may give myself a small head start for next week.

Ken Heaston
Since 1970
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1DERLAND14 3/26/2013 6:09AM

    I can really relate to what you're saying because too often I feel that way. I hope that you are able to search and find what truly makes you happy. You have done so well on your journey! I started out only working on the outside and got to where I was still miserable 80lbs down... I had to back up and figure out what it is that I want out of life. I still dont have the answers, but I closer than I was a few months ago. :) I have hope that if you spend some time on YOU that you will be able to find it. I am not sure if you are like me, but you fill your time up with so many other things that you don't spend a lot of time on you at the end of the day? You deserve every great thing life has to offer. Keep your head up :) emoticon

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NEWNIKKI50 3/22/2013 9:06AM

    The first step toward anything healthy is awareness.
You are honest and courageous enough to open up about your truth in a public forum. I applaud that.
Happiness is such a relative word. I prefer "peace".
When I was forced to face all the time I had wasted (20 years!!) making someone my priority that only saw me as his very last option it shook me to darkest core. I was angry, bitter and felt betrayed.
Slowly I started looking at small steps to feeling better, happiness was never my goal - just peace. I needed to have something in my life that I was in control of RIGHT NOW.
My first step was to get on SparkPeople, start working on my weight, make some new friends, even if I have never met them in person. You are one of those friends.
As I began to meet my goals to make my body healthy, my mind started clearing.
I could see how labeling myself as the victim of a bad man did not serve me well.
I had to take responsibility for standing in the gap and always being available to pick up the pieces for my EX whenever his life fell apart. I was such a fool and didn't love myself enough to do any better. Cutting him out of my life completely, make him dead to me was the only way I could move on.
Then I began to discover all the small things that give me peace.
Like getting back to my writing, taking time for myself alone.
Watching movies that I like, reading books, taking walks - being unpredictable once and a while, as long as doing so causes no harm.
So, one day last week, I decided to take a longer lunch break than I am entitled to (bad, bad girl that I am) - I went over to the museum that is near the White House, about a block from my office and toured the American Crafts exhibit. I got more authentic joy out of that impulsive excursion than I had felt in many years. I didn't wish that anyone else was there to see it with me. I did't regret not having a partner to share the experience with. I let it be enough that this was MY decision, my eyes seeing it and my life being enriched by my own actions. It doesn't take much to find peace, just the need to want to define it solely for yourself.
with understanding, and profound respect ~ Naazima



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KRAZYDEA 3/22/2013 8:49AM

    Sorry to hear that you haven't been fully happy Ken, Sad to hear that when the person is a good caring one. I really hope things get better for you and you can start enjoying life and be fulfilled in your heart aswell as your soul. Keep your head up and You've done really good so far with your weight loss, I wish you the best of luck on hitting your goal and hope your day's get better for you.... emoticon emoticon

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GODSCHILD2_2011 3/22/2013 8:30AM

    Ken ~ I know that you didn't express your unhappiness in this blog because you want someone to feel sorry for you but my heart really goes out to you. Life can be filled with so many ups and downs and to think that you haven't felt true happiness in a long time is really a bummer.

I hope and pray that you really find that happiness that you desire and that it start from the inside out and I look forward to the day that you can blog about true happiness that you're experiencing.

Thanks again for being open and honest and for sharing with us where you are in life right now. I'm sure as always this blog is really helping someone else who may be going through the same things.


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-DAVE- 3/20/2013 8:04AM

    it sounds like you have fun with your son. I wouldn't sweat this 1 week of gaining. In the scope of things within your life, there are many more things could be worse. Continue to be thankful for for the little things and, move on. You'll be back losing next week, I'm sure.

As for happiness, I can honestly say that I think many more people in the world are still searching for happiness. Myself included. But I am learning that happiness is not a final destination but rather something that must be experienced each day to help you reach your destination. Whatever that is...

You're doing great things here and with your family. Many times we don't give ourself credit we deserve. It takes others to make us recognize our greatness and that we are cherished and valuable in this world. I go along with many people here saying that although we do not know each other personally, you're doing great things for your family friends and spark. Keep on and realize that you are great and realize that there is 'no way to happiness - happiness is the way...' - Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Comment edited on: 3/20/2013 8:12:08 AM

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MARYDSAN 3/19/2013 8:41AM

    Sorry you had a rough week. You have been such an encouragement and role model and leader. I hope that you find the happiness that you deserve!

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CLPURNELL 3/18/2013 10:37PM

    Ken,

Try to really spend some time finding your happiness. I really think once you do that you will get to goal and beyond. You have done so much to be proud of! You have lost over 100 pounds. You have been a tremendous help to your family. You are raising a great kid! You have a ton to be proud of brother. Find what makes you happy. You deserve to be truly happy from the inside out. You have been such a huge inspiration to me and a ton of others here. You have made a difference for us here. Through your sweat and hard work you have changed your life. You have changed your physical body you also have the power to find that happiness. It isn't easy there may be emotions to fight through, baggage to let go. I know you brother you are no stranger to hard work!! Just like weight loss man it is worth and you can do it!!!!!

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KWING517 3/18/2013 9:08AM

    I hope this week is being a little nicer to you :)

Remember - 2 steps forward, 1 step back still gets you to your goal eventually!!

Have a good week!

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GRANDEFILLE 3/17/2013 2:12PM

    I guess life happened... If it didn't we'd have regular loss every week!

You are still my hero! at least you didn't wipe out completely last week's loss!

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DIETSAFARI 3/17/2013 1:25PM

    I wish that happiness will surprise you this week. You are a little spit away from goal!
You did good...

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 3/17/2013 8:43AM

    So sorry you had a not so good week. And you deserve some happy!! Hopefully it won't be so elusive!!!

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DOVESEYES 3/16/2013 10:31PM

    Feelings are fickle, strength and wisdom are tangible.

When my weight was up and up and up and not moving you were my rock, always encouraging me to keep on. Thanks for that.

Its a big thing that even though you feel down, you lift others.

Maybe you need a holiday just to chill out, or go back to a hobby you let go. The scale isn't everything.

Hope today is a great day for you. Onward to next week!!!

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FRANCIEVW 3/16/2013 10:00PM

    You got this. Look deep in your heart. Live what you find there.

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_BABE_ 3/16/2013 8:33PM

    I always thought I would be happy WHEN (fill in the blanks). The biggest condition for this would be slim...but not all slim people are happy so there goes that theory out the window. No one can tell you to count your blessings or take stock because it's just more complicated than that....

That being said...some say that "The secret to happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.".... which really means be glad someone else has it worse that you...JUST KIDDING!

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RKJONES1953 3/16/2013 7:54PM

    Okay Ken, life is not full of chuckles and you know that it was never intended to be easy. If it was, we would have remained single celled organisms. You have repeated treated many of us to you humor, encouragement, and kind words.

Kind of a cool thought that you made the difference in somebody's life and you are standing next to them at the checkout stand. SparkPeople brings anonymity as well as digital friendships.

Ken, I brew beer and if I had a current batch I'll invite you over for a sample. A wise man once asked me when I was down and kicking myself. "Have you ever killed anyone who did not deserve killing and or was I a pedophile? He then said. " if the answer is no what do you have to worry about and would still be proud to call me friend."

Get on the horse and RIDE!

Comment edited on: 3/16/2013 8:01:09 PM

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LKORNEGAY 3/16/2013 7:46PM

    Ken, I've sensed your feelings for awhile now and I don't even know you. I'd read your blogs and I could read between the lines. I could tell you were struggling and you're right, you were faking it until you could make it. Just know we're here for you. Like the song by Phillip Phillips, "Home". Home is the place we know we can be ourselves, without judgement, a place we know is a refuge from the world, a place we know we are safe. Think of Spark People as your "Home".

You have been on my mind for weeks now, I've been praying for you and for God to give you what you need in your life to meet your goals. You are worth it, remember that.

Your friend,

Lawanda

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ALWYS-LKN-UP 3/16/2013 6:35PM

    emoticon Sometimes not saying anything & letting someone else know they are not alone with a big hug speaks volumes! Big hug from WI & tail wags from Holly :)

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SAZZLERAZZLE 3/16/2013 6:31PM

    Hey Ken, sorry you're having a bad week of it, i hope you get through it ok! I'm very good at putting on a brave face and feel guilty about having a down day as i have so much to be grateful for, but hey, if we need a time where we say "life sucks" then we need it! Better to get it out there and get it over with than keep trying to hide it and let it bottle up inside of us. You seem like you have a lot of love in your life so i hope you have a good support system around you to help you through the bad days. And fingers crossed it doesn't last long enough and you can get back on track - you've proved your tough enough - you've lost over 100lbs! Good luck buddy, take care.

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100LBLIGHTER 3/16/2013 6:14PM

    Your name caught my eye...as I was scanning to find someone to post a comment for more points. Call if fate.

Truth is happiness is all on our focus.....the glass that is half empty is truly half full too.

I was on a bus going home...meaning my hometown where all my family lived...I think it took like three days to get there...I was tired of sitting, tired of that bus....everyone else was asleep but the driver and me. It was just starting to dawn ...light was creeping up over the horizon and just starting to light the sky and the drops of rain on that window I had spent hours resting my head against. It had been raining most of the night. I noticed without moving my eyes...but with just my mind...I could look at the rain drops or beyond the rain drops to the beautiful day unfolding before me. It was all in my choice, nothing more.

Later when I was going through a rough patch....the window with the rain drops came to mind. I can look at the dreary rain or the beauty that lies ahead. It changed my life.....

You have no idea the beauty that your life could be unfolding.....the possibilities are endless. Happiness gets a lot easier.....the pressure gets a little lighter as you look at things differently.

Now I will get off my soap box....and just tell you that as I read your pages....you have got a lot going for you. I hope we can be spark friends. Grace emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/16/2013 6:22:25 PM

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