Saturday, March 16, 2013
Well, here I am. Again. I see it has been over a year since my last blog post. Not a good thing. It has been a year of downward spiral. And it's not my weight that has spiraled downward, either! Fortunately, I am still "only" pre-diabetic, but my husband is quickly heading for insulin if something doesn't change. I am practically immobile. My back, hips, joints ache until I can barely get out of bed in the morning. The level of inflammation in my body is frightening. My blood sugars are borderline. I can barely reach my feet, which are chronically swollen. And I hate, hate, hate looking in the mirror. Not a pretty picture. Walking around my yard once puts me out of breath.
And summer is coming. I have a "chick trip" vacation planned in two months. At this point, I will not enoy it, and I am worried about being out in public. I look around, and I am usually the heaviest person in the room, no matter where I am. I just want to lock myself up oin my house and never come out. Ugh!
I have recently begun sewing again. I have some beautiful fabrics and patterns, but they keep coming out too small, no matter what size I cut from the pattern. In fact, the patterns don't come big enough.
Yesterday, I was helping a friend with intake paperwork for a bariatric surgical center. Reading the paperwork I realized that I am worse off than he is. However, I am really resistant to the idea of bypass surgery.
So here I am....again. I try to tell myself that weight is a number on the scale, not who I am, but I have a hard time buying it. I have the info for two nearby OA meetings sitting in front of me, in the hopes that I will get off my duff and get to one of those meetings. next week. And I am here, logging my food, reaching out, trying to get something to click in ME. Sometimes you've just got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try, try again. Whatever it takes....