Saturday, March 16, 2013
There is no such thing as Alaskan Money, we are part of the USA and use american currency.
The Aurora Borealis or "Northern Lights" is not a man-made laser light show.
Alaska has more hours of sunlight in the summer, and like everywhere else, there are still only twenty four hours in a day. ( I had cousins in Spokane convinced that we had rotating days here, with as few as 12 hours a day in winter and 36 in the summer).
Alaskans don't have to lie (but a few still do, usually fishermen), because everything here really is bigger. If Alaska divided itself in half, Texas would still only be the third largest state. Alaska would remain first and second in size.
No, "frost heaves" are not something Alaskans get when we're sick of winter. It's a freeze-thaw action that turns roads into roller coasters.
No, "termination dust" is not what's left of the bad guys once Arnold Schwarzenegger is through with them. It's what we call our first snowfall, as in the termination of summer.
nd no, "breakup" isn't what happens when a love affair turns ugly. It's an endearing term for that special time of year when the snow melts and Alaska is awash in slush and slop the color of cow pies. (that time is now, 'spring' in Alaska)
Or the animal-rights activist who called the headquarters of the Talkeetna Moose Dropping Festival, demanding to know just how far the moose were being dropped and onto what surface. Taken by surprise, the volunteer who answered the phone shot back, "Three thousand feet from a helicopter onto cement." (moose droppings = moose poop)
Actual questions from tourists-
"When is the longest day of the year here in Alaska?" asked a tourist from the lower 48.
"June 21st, the solstice" came the reply."Oh, here too?"
How long does it take for a deer to turn into a moose?
From an anonymous worker who answers tourist's questions at the Juneau Convention and Visitor's Bureau: "A man called the main office for JCVB from Eureka, CA and asked what kind of power sources did we have in Alaska or did we still use kerosene lamps?"
Tourist lady: "Ma'am, can you tell me what time they turn on the lights?"
Alaskan: "What lights are those?"
Tourist lady: "Well, the Northern Lights of course".
A couple of executive types from out of town had chartered a fishing boat. One of them asked the skipper, "How do you deal with all the extra hours of sunlight in Alaska?"
"We have 48-hour clocks." replied the skipper.
One of the executives said, "That makes sense."
I may not be there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday.