My Broken Record
Friday, March 15, 2013
I know I seem like a broken record these days. For those of you too young to know what a record is, they were these black and sometimes different colored discs on which we would place on a thing called a turntable and the needle would cause the player to play music. Much like the now old fashioned CD. Haha! When the record got scratched or broken it would often get stuck and play the same piece of the song over and over and over.... So, that is me. I've been so down this week. I'm sure the pain in my shoulder, Jack's condition and missing my mom has alot to do with it, but also it is the dreaded TOM! Grrr!
The reason I growl is again I am still what it seems to be too young for menopause, but too old to have a "real" period. Mine are thankfully light, but it just seems unfair to have to experience all the symptoms with not much result. I know this sounds crazy, but, well you know me! I bloat. I mean I gain up to 3 pounds each time. I am tired and I mean extremely tired. I am grouchy, the least little thing irritates me. My face breaks out like a teenager. I crave salt and chocolate. All that and then maybe 1 day of the actual period. Plus my sugar goes crazy.Augh!
Jack is not showing any improvements yet. He is not bad. But, it is terrible nonetheless. I just feel so bad and know he doesn't quite understand what is going on. A few times when he has stumbled he has come to me as if to ask me to make it stop. Why wouldn't he? I'm his Mommy now and I want my mommy to make stuff stop. I just assure him it will pass and give him my love.
My mommy is dead. I still can't believe it. It was so sudden, so unexpected. The one person I know who could help me get thru my grief is her.
I was really quite sick today with my blood sugar. It was high due to a malfunction in my pump insert area. I felt so bad. I just wanted my mommy. I wanted to call her and cry and say I just don't feel good. She couldn't do anything to fix it, but she would tell me it was going to be ok and she would remind me of how many times I've been thru the same thing in my life and to remember I made it. She would also call and check on Jack each day. She wasn't always a perfect mom, but she was my mom.
I spent alot of today in bed too. I'm not going to make my exercise goal this week. But, I think that is OK. I've done what I could. I walked like crazy on my vacation plus swam and played with dolphins, so I think I'm still on target. I just feel sad and fat and whiny. And before you ask, yes I do want some cheese with my whine!
The plans are to go to Greensboro tomorrow (where the ACC championships are being played) and do some healthy grocery shopping. I need to get back on track and I need to eat better. I doubt the basketball fans will be in the grocery stores. But, traffic is liable to be heavy. My podunk grocery stores barely have anything healthy or organic. It is sad.
My shoulder isn't too bad today, but I havne't done Curves in 3 days, so haven't done any upper body except what I do in my leslie samsone videoes. I should know something this week about what my prognosis is and what the treatment will entail. I'm just so down this week I can hardly stand it. I guess when combined with the grief the normal sadness that accompanies my TOM is just heightened.
I'm thankful for my husband, my dog, my dad, my neighbors and my nice bed! I'll be back to me soon and singing a new song! Right now I think I might need to be a broken record.