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CECE0330
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 33,359
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Second verse! Same as the First!

Friday, March 15, 2013

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Feeling goofy today for some reason.

Ok, so my goal weight was 145. I met it. My weight slowly crept back up, mostly because I just like to eat, and even if i don't OVEREAT, WHAT I'm putting in my mouth plays a crazy huge role in my weight.

I know last August I was still in the 40s, albeit on the higher end. Wasn't too worried. October I weighed myself and was in the 50s. Made a half-a$$ed effort to get things back in line, but meh, I LOVE holiday food. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Stupid thing: I have been so afraid of what the number crept up to that I have not gone in for my annual exam, which was due last November. Stupid because of the ovarian cancer history in my family. I know it's dumb to avoid the doctor because of the scale, but I kept telling myself I would get my act together, drop at least 10 lbs and THEN call. Ugh.

Anywho. Not sure what prompted me, but I finally got my butt on the scale 2 weeks ago, and saw 159. Not impressed. Even LESS impressed to see 161.4 2-3 days later. Now, i had my crazy gluten/grain bender last weekend, realized how ridiculous that was on Monday, and have been doing really good all week. Normal workout load, NO gluten, and really the only grains I've had are at moments when I am pressed for time, and have limited choices on hand so grab a gluten free option. Been drinking a lot of water. I honestly FEEL leaner (like I always do after ditching the grains) but of course the stupid scale hasn't budged. I hate the scale. I hate it like I can't even describe. I have been trying to focus on how I FEEL (honestly? It's about 50/50 these past months; when I'm staying on track I feel fine. When I veer off, I feel flabby & bloated & gross) but it's so hard to NOT immediately attach the number on the scale to my self-worth. I weigh 161? Gross, I am fat and unworthy. I weigh 155? I'm acceptable, but need a little work. 145? I'm desirable as a wife, mother, instructor, friend, bah.

*sigh*

Boy, have I been down THIS road before. The plan is to stay the course over the weekend. Have a 5K Shamrock Shuffle race Sunday. No biggie, but since I've only run 4 times this whole year I'm not going to be cocky about it. lol. Just working on finishing it with a 10 minute mile.

I'm hoping if I can keep drinking water, stay away from the grains, I can see the 50s again soon, and be kinda-sorta worthy again. emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v DISPATCHER04
    Haha. A 10 minute mile would be cocky for me! :D

    You can do this. Just hop back on the healthy wagon. ;)
    1225 days ago
  • v FITGIRL15
    You can do it!!
    1225 days ago
  • v MORTICIAADDAMS
    I'm working on avoiding the grains too. It seems that right now everything bloats me.
    1228 days ago
  • v LYNNEBO1
    Why is it that I find that whenever I read your blog posts, I'm eating/drinking something I ought not to? I was just drinking a beer. Sheesh!
    1228 days ago
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