Friday, March 15, 2013
"Dear Diary" would be the way I would start this, but I DON'T have a diary. My head is really chattering with so many thoughts this afternoon, that I need to get some of them down in written form.
I am looking forward to weighing-in tomorrow morning because I think I have lost a bit more. But I am also afraid that I may be kidding myself and maybe I will actually gain! No, my food and exercise have been exemplary but that doesn't stop me from worrying that a freakish gain might show up. Well, I will see what happens tomorrow, but for right now, I am not going to eat, although my brain is telling me to do so in order to feel more calm.
So I had another glass of water. And then I decided to write down my thoughts here.
The beginning of a new way of eating, actually a resumption of my better eating during the times of my life when I have done so, is a high-spirited time, full of hopes and dreams, ups and downs. One big success so far is that I have not been eating after dinner. This is a major plus for me, as some days I probably took in half of my total calories after my husband had gone to sleep. Of course, I had to sneak around a little, in case he woke up, but we've been married 35 years, so I know HE wouldn't be upset. But I would have felt a lot of shame. Ugh, the lives we lead, the tangled webs we weave....
Feeling free of all that, is a great blessing, and I really feel proud of myself that I have managed to go for 16 days without eating in the evening. It's been a long time since I could do that, and the habit was firmly entrenched. I still think of it every evening, but so far I have been able to remind myself that I don't want to break my winning streak. I know that if I were to give in to my cravings at night, there is a chance that I will not be able to push myself back on the wagon. Not eating at night, is a much better plan.
I am also doing fairly well with "front-loading" my meals, trying to make breakfast the largest meal of the day in terms of healthy calories. This will require constant vigilance, as it is second-nature for me to have the calories arranged in the opposite fashion.
I have also hardly snacked at all, because I haven't enough calories left, after most of my meals! I always thought I could probably lose if I just stuck with my 3 healthy meals and not had any snacks, especially in the evening. However, it seemed impossible to get a handle on that snacking. Of course, I would allow myself to have a healthy very low calorie snack, but why would I want to! That has no appeal for me right now!
This is enough stream of consciousness for today. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning and hoping for the best.