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Head Noise

Friday, March 15, 2013

"Dear Diary" would be the way I would start this, but I DON'T have a diary. My head is really chattering with so many thoughts this afternoon, that I need to get some of them down in written form.

I am looking forward to weighing-in tomorrow morning because I think I have lost a bit more. But I am also afraid that I may be kidding myself and maybe I will actually gain! No, my food and exercise have been exemplary but that doesn't stop me from worrying that a freakish gain might show up. Well, I will see what happens tomorrow, but for right now, I am not going to eat, although my brain is telling me to do so in order to feel more calm.

So I had another glass of water. And then I decided to write down my thoughts here.

The beginning of a new way of eating, actually a resumption of my better eating during the times of my life when I have done so, is a high-spirited time, full of hopes and dreams, ups and downs. One big success so far is that I have not been eating after dinner. This is a major plus for me, as some days I probably took in half of my total calories after my husband had gone to sleep. Of course, I had to sneak around a little, in case he woke up, but we've been married 35 years, so I know HE wouldn't be upset. But I would have felt a lot of shame. Ugh, the lives we lead, the tangled webs we weave....

Feeling free of all that, is a great blessing, and I really feel proud of myself that I have managed to go for 16 days without eating in the evening. It's been a long time since I could do that, and the habit was firmly entrenched. I still think of it every evening, but so far I have been able to remind myself that I don't want to break my winning streak. I know that if I were to give in to my cravings at night, there is a chance that I will not be able to push myself back on the wagon. Not eating at night, is a much better plan.

I am also doing fairly well with "front-loading" my meals, trying to make breakfast the largest meal of the day in terms of healthy calories. This will require constant vigilance, as it is second-nature for me to have the calories arranged in the opposite fashion.

I have also hardly snacked at all, because I haven't enough calories left, after most of my meals! I always thought I could probably lose if I just stuck with my 3 healthy meals and not had any snacks, especially in the evening. However, it seemed impossible to get a handle on that snacking. Of course, I would allow myself to have a healthy very low calorie snack, but why would I want to! That has no appeal for me right now!

This is enough stream of consciousness for today. I am looking forward to tomorrow morning and hoping for the best.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KA_JUN
    We're all pulling for you, Susan. Fight the good fight!

    1710 days ago
    I have not left SP. Still get points every day and read, but quit tracking and trying. emoticon
    1711 days ago
    I love the stream of consciousness - it was lovely. Thank you for sharing and continued success - Susie
    1711 days ago
    You are an example, that I wish to follow. Thank you for such a great blog. I too struggle with evening snacks. I do have one, but I now keep it at either a 4.4 oz. container of yogurt, or some fresh fruit or fresh veggies. I feel like I'm still cheating, but actually, I'm not. I list it at the beginning of the day, as snacks, that way I know that If I wish to snack, I've got to keep my calories wisely. Keep up the good work, I am so very proud of you. Thanks again for a great blog, and have a blessed weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed for your weight in tomorrow!
    1711 days ago
    I can relate to the shame. You commented on my page recently, and it made me feel so guilty! I have regained all but 3 lbs of the 70 I lost. Broke my wrist badly last spring, people started bringing real food, I went completely off the wagon! Still have not had the spark to get back.

    Sounds like you have a plan going! I am proud of you! Vista emoticon
    1711 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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