Friday, March 15, 2013
Verse for this week is one of my favorite ones! Assurance of Victory!
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man; but he is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
Wow! What a verse. It offers so much hope for us in all aspects of our lives. I want to share a little story with you to show you Gods faithfulness!
When I graduated high school, I wanted to join the Navy. So I did and I chose to go into the psychiatry field and become a psych tech. And I enjoyed four years in that feild. I remember many a times I would sit with a patient, held his or her hand and offered the words of what I felt were comfort. You know those words "It will be OK. I know it looks bad right know, but it will get better, I promise." And I knew my position well, was good at what I did. And I understood the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. At least I thought I did!
I left active duty and joined the Naval Reserve force as an active duty corpsman. Continues in that area of duties until 1992. That was the rough time of my life. Major depression was taking a hold of me and rattling my world.
I had it all! I was married to a wonderful man. We had four wonderful children. I was up for promotion to E7. I was told that I would be a shoe-in all I had to do is take the test and pass. Once I was before the board I had it made and I would be selected for E-7. My Commanding Officer (CO) was putting together a package for me to get the Navy Achievement Medal for outstanding performance as Quality Assurance Coordinator for the clinic I was working at. I was taking college courses on base and so far maintained a 3.9 average.
Yet, I wasn't feeling it. I didn't know what was going on. I began to shut down and shut out my world. I kept having ruminating thoughts of fatal accidents, night mares of my children being stripped out of my hands and my husband leaving me because I didn't protect my kids. It is still such a blur. Most of what I know is from what my husband has told me. Then one day, and I can't tell you what day that was, but one day I was escorted to a small plane (I worked on an airbase). My CO was in the plane with me. I vaguely remember asking him if there was a meeting we were going to, I had no idea he was taking me to the psychiatric ward of our parent commands hospital. You see I was found taking a bunch of pills while my kids were at school and my husband was working. I couldn't begin to tell you what all was there but I know they were over the counter and prescription meds. And I don't know how many I actually took. I don't even remember collecting them. I just don't know. AND to make things worse in my mind, the psych ward I was taken to had several psych techs that I had once worked with working on that ward. They were techs I had trained when they first came to my units in the beginning of my career.
Well, the point of all of this was to tell you how hopeless and helpless I had become. I had never felt like that before and to be honest, If I had to tell just what that felt like, I couldn't. I now feel that the only way you could ever understand is if you had gone though that yourself.
Upon my admission to the unit, I was placed on strict suicide precautions. I pretty much cried and slept for the first two days. All that kept going through my mind is "GOD! Where are you GOD?" I felt so alone. Abandoned. My husband and kids were over 200 miles away. "Oh, God, Where have you gone? Why have you left me? God, I need you, please?" So went the first 48 hours.
After the 48 hours of one-to-one suicide prevention, I was allowed to joined the rest of the patients in my first group session. Around the circle I saw three technician I had worked with before and get this, two patients I had taken care of when I worked as a psych tech. How humiliating to have previous patients of mine staring at me remembering how much I had helped them and yet I couldn't help myself. To look into the eyes of the techs I had trained and all I could think of is that I have to somehow help them to understand how it really felt to be depressed.
I wasn't thinking of me. Just, how I would teach them from this new perspective that just came to my mind from out of the blue! And as we all sat there. They were waiting to hear from me. To hear my story. I started to chuckled. I almost started laughing out loud. And I said to them very profoundly; "Never take a patients hand , rub or pat it gently and say "It will be all right", because you have to be here in this position to fully understand and your words will sound hollow and empty."
And then I got up from the group and returned to my little safe room. I sat on the bed and and began to PRAISE GOD! I just began to pray to My Awesome God who came to me like a warm embrace letting me know He WAS there and He had never left! HE HAD NEVER LEFT! Praise God He was there!
I very intimately continued to pray to God and now I was listening to His voice telling me what I needed to do. It was hard. I had a lot of history that had been so deeply hidden with in me that God knew I couldn't have dealt with alone. So He put me in that hospital, at that time so that I was in the caring arms of friends. Together we worked through it all and clearing out all the garbage that I had collected over the years. He gave me the way out! He had given me the victory!
He never told me that I would have another problem develop. I went into the hospital at 5'7" and 165 lbs in February 1992. In November 1992 I was at 230 lbs! (thanks to medicines) But that is another story!
----Thank you, Father, that no temptation has over taken me but such as is common to all people. You are faithful and will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I am able. Open my eyes to see the way of escape that You have provided. -----amen
I have just let my thoughts flow and I pray that this has touched you in a very special way and told you that even in the darkest hours, God is there. We are never alone. Lean on Him and Believe in Him. He is faithful and will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. No matter how big or how small our "crisis" is, He will help us through it. No matter what the nature of the issue is, He has the answer. And He will provide us a means of escape.