Thursday, March 14, 2013
OK, have you ever had a MRI? They put head phones on you and ask what kind of music you want to listen to. They turn on the music (no 80s pop BTW) and then turn on the machine. The machine makes so much noise and clatter that you can't even hear the music, so why ask? I thought about other stuff while I laid there unmoving and listening to the terrific noise! I did cough one time and mess up my lovely indoor photos of my shoulder region! Anyhow, that is done and I'll get my results next week. I really had forgotten how noisy those things are! Wow.
On the way to the imaging center I had a very clear and very real flashback of the day my mom died. I figured it out later. When we were rushing up to the ER for my mom my hair was wet and it was cold out. Today was the same. I didn't bother drying or styling my hair and we were headed down the same road and the flashback hit so vividly. I had a hard time stopping crying.
Then, while awaiting to be called back we heard our ship was stranded in the Virgin Islands! That was the ship we were just on a week ago! We had all joked about being able to take the 2nd tour on the same ship, but glad we couldn't now! They had to fly passengers out of St. Martin only 10 at a time to Puerto Rico and then onto Florida! Carnival better do some investigating. They are really going to lose customers with more of this kind of stuff!
My shoulder really hurt after the MRI. I planned to go to curves anyhow, but Hubby had to get to work and I needed a new insulin pump, so couldn't call someone else to pick me up from Curves, so I skipped. As it turns out I skipped exercise altogether today. The flashbacks had me crying on and off all day, my shoulder hurt, my dog was crashing into things and falling over like he was drunk and it was all I could do just to stay awake and deal.
My poor Jack is not a puppy, but like anyone's child he will always be a baby to me. This Vestibular Disorder has him sort of falling around and leaning on me. I can't imagine how confused he is. We ended up taking a very nice snuggle nap today and I escaped my sadness in sleep and hopefully he escaped his dizziness. I sure hope the bed doesn't spin for him. My heart breaks for him. Every time he stumbles I pet him and tell him I love him. Funny thing with dogs though.... They don't need to be told you love them.
So, aside from pain and noise and drunken puppies, Jack & I are blessed:
*We have Hubby/Daddy who takes care of us both! He puts Jack's ear drops in even if Jack tries to run and hide which is hard while stumbling. He holds me and lets me know I'm not alone.
*A day off of exercise might be just what I needed. I'll be back earning air miles and points for my teams tomorrow! I needed some down time, some sad time, some grieving time.
*I have a warm house when it is cold, a cool house when it is warm, a comfy bed where Jack & I can escape!
*I have too much food and need to remember that when I feel gluttoness (gluttonous?) like today. Others are not as fortunate and I should curb my eating and learn moderation.
*Even though I feel so apart from God, there is a piece that knows that he is still in charge. Worry is a waste of my time. Life is not a place to show your pigs and cows.... In other words life is not fair. That is that and I needn't dwell on what I don't have and dwell on what I do have! But, I tell ya, it gets hard!
*I have my Spark Friends who keep me going day after day; loss after loss; triump after triumph; struggle after struggle! Aren't we the lucky ones?