In a rut and also without realizing it...
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I can totally relate to a member blog I just read by ALESHAWALKER where she said she felt unattractive to her husband.
I don't feel like that, thank goodness. I just feel like that here lately whatever I do to help mom is not good enough.
I have tried without success to feed her while she has been undergoing chemo and also dealing with nausea and she has eaten food, but, nothing mainly healthy.
The food she wants all the time is stuff that I know contributes to the nausea.
I mean foods like cheeseburgers and french fries (grease), chilli (fat and grease). Things like that, and that is not good for her I know.
She has not eaten anything AT ALL this week and just today was able to hold down a bottle of water.
That is the first solid thing she has had on her stomach all week...that has not made her throw up.
And then when I say anything about my eating or even when I make myself dinner, I do so with a guilt complex as I know that by my still eating healthy and the things I fix (smart ones grilled chicken and vegetables comes to mind, the one with teriyaki sauce)...it makes her sick she says to smell it.
I don't know what to do or say around her, or even how to act anymore.
Also I received a phone message from my friend who has been taking me to my weight watchers meetings regarding us moving out of state as this man works with me through the state of Ohio...and after I hear the message...mom says...with a really hurtful and hateful tone...you aren't still considering staying in Mason, are you?.
What a way to make me feel bad, mom.
Thanks for letting me vent.