Thursday, March 14, 2013
Yesterday was a very random day for me. I was very productive at work, but was just feeling a little "off" have you ever had one of those days? I'm trying to get everything done so I can be away this weekend, which means prepping for the course I teach, doing homework for the class I'm taking and planning for healthy foods and travel arrangements. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. Then I get a call from a boss at work with some frustrating news. After that I get a call from my new trainer telling me to back off my workouts a little, but it came across as her doubting my ability to listen to my body and my back in particular. I can do more than people think I can do.
So, after deciding that I couldn't concentrate on my homework any longer, I went to the gym. What I really wanted to do was go home and have a good cry, which is how I normally handle being overwhelmed. I would normally shut down, hide in my apartment with a bag of dark chocolate and feel bad about everything. I know, not the best way to handle things! But I'm trying to change.
I went to the gym, even though I wanted to go home, and I got on the elliptical and just started "running" or whatever you call the activity when you are on the elliptical. I was so angry and frustrated and overwhelmed and I was just hoping that if I worked hard enough the feelings would all work themselves out too. I didn't watch tv, I turned on some "Me First and the Gimme Gimmes" and just ran. The first mile was in 14 minutes and I thought that if I can do the next one in 15 minutes that would be amazing and I could go home. I did the second mile in 14 minutes again and decided that I would stop after the third mile. The third mile was done in 15 minutes and then I decided I should just keep going for the full hour. I went 4.12 miles in an hour and was exhausted. A good exhausted, but exhausted. I was dripping sweat, my light grey shirt was dark grey and although I was still feeling upset about work stuff, I was feeling better, I can admit that.
I found myself thinking through things while working out last night, so that I didn't have to think about them later. I went home took a shower and made baked chicken and steamed broccoli for dinner. I didn't sleep well last night, but I don't think it was because of my work out, just me struggling to turn off my brain and relax.
Today I'm feeling a little better. I'm also a little sore from maybe over-doing it at the gym, although I will never admit that to my family (who worry about me) or my trainer (who is concerned that I can't do what I've been doing). This is not just something I'm doing for fun, this healthy lifestyle is permanent, and it's important to me. But I don't want to slow down or take it down a notch. I want to improve on what I've been doing, continue to lose weight and do strength training. I accept that losing a pound or two a week is what I should be aiming for, and I am doing my best to eat in my calorie ranges, but don't doubt that I can do this.
I think the reason Spark People has been working for me so well is that there is a competition side to this site, but mostly it is competing against myself. Can I earn more points this month than last month? Can I get more exercise minutes? These are the kinds of challenges that keep me motivated, while also being able to support and encourage everyone else who is going through the same thing. Healthy competition I think!
I guess I was pretty talkative today, and I have so many other thoughts in my brain today, but most aren't about weight loss or living a healthy lifestyle, so I should probably get back to work and start sorting out what needs to be done so that the feeling of being overwhelmed doesn't come back later today.
Have a great Thursday everyone! It's my Friday as I'm going to see a naturopathic doctor tomorrow and have the day off work. Yippee for me!