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    THERIN52   4,615
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Food Addict.. no more annoymous..

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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I’m really starting to think I am obsessed with food.. Seriously is there such a disorder?
I was actually at the doctors the other day and going through some quick standard questions (do you smoke, drink, exercise? Ect.) she asked me if I have an eating disorder…. I was a little shocked because honestly when I hear the phrase “eating disorder” I think of super skinny people, I also thought “umm look at me do I look like I starve myself?!?!” so I smiled and said yes! I’m a food addict, I over eat and abuse food technically, I quickly threw in that I’m in recovery ;0) As funny as a thought that is to me it is very true I notice that I sit here working away and all I can think of is what I will have for lunch, snack and dinner… when I am not even hungry! I seriously have such a love obsession with food and honestly I hate it. It’s like being in love/obsessed with someone who doesn’t care about you. I think it has been weird to me because lately I have been so stressed and going through so many changes that honestly nothing sounds good which is a weird feeling for me but I still can’t stop thinking about food and it boggles my mind that nothing sounds good! I’m hoping that this is a shift in my thinking and mental behaviors because it has been easier to stay away and say no to bad foods lately but I do still think/obsess over food..

I can think back to pre-teen age when I would wait until my parents would leave so I could binge which should have told me there was something completely wrong with my relationship with food, I remember my dad had a very close friend from Germany he was very honest/frank about what he said and one time he walked into my parents’ home, looked at me and said “you are always eating, every time I see you, you are eating something” I was about 14 and mortified by that statement, he didn’t say anything about my weight or make any kind of weight related comments but I knew I was overweight and his comment brought to light what I thought no one else knew. Obviously I have never forgotten that and even later when he would show up even if it was dinner time I would stop and leave the room I was ultra-careful to make sure anytime he saw me I was not eating a thing! Looking back if I am trying to eat something is secret then I probably shouldn’t be eating it… I’ve also learned we humans can justify the heck out of anything, if I want something bad enough I can make excuses “I did so good this week I deserve a burger” something like that or I am just not feeling well today so counting my calories is too hard and oh how my co-workers will jump on my justifying pity party with me saying things like “surely it wouldn’t hurt you to eat that just today” don’t get me wrong they mean well but my inner fat-girl/bad judgment needs no help in this department. What makes me think that I am changing mentally is I am able to step back and think “yes I am not feeling well today but that food isn’t going to make me feel better and maybe make me feel even worse” I’m now able to realize I am just using an excuse and justifying my poor choices (this isn’t a complete change yet I still have my not so great days) but I am getting better at it.

This is a very shameful blog for me to write/admit and it feels a bit like sharing my dark secrets but I think the best approach to help this part of me is facing her (my inner excuse making binger), admitting I have created a problem and now am correcting it.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CSHULLCSHELLS 3/21/2013 2:15PM

    If we were all talking about drugs or alcohol and not food, this could be an AA meeting transcript. During the weight loss part of my journey, I had a very close friend struggling with a drug addiction. I went to a few meetings with him to show support and they were amazing. Spark people really is the 12 step program, right down to helping others with their addiction once you have made it through the other steps. Though I don't believe a food addiction is harder, it is hard, and people are right in that you can't give up food altogether. However, you can give up SOME foods. For me, I had to give up all sweets for a while. I really did experience withdrawals. But I know that those are my "trigger" foods. After about 6 months I safely added them back in with moderation, but if my weight ever creeps back up, that is the first thing I do - cut out sweets.

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EREADER50 3/18/2013 5:43PM

    I'm also realizing that weight loss is not only physical, but also mental. And that's normally where it starts; in the mind. emoticon

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1DERLAND14 3/18/2013 2:42AM

    This blog definitely deserves to be featured. I am SO proud of you and what you have shared. I have felt the same way for most of my life. I cannot eat out in public alone because I feel insecure that everyone is looking at the "fat girl" who doesn't need to be eating at all. With time it has gotten better, but I would always feel like people would stare. I can relate to the binging and being a food addict. I am SO proud of you for recognizing this so early in your journey!!! This is what will help keep the weight OFF. I have lost weight only to put it on because I didn't deal with my MENTAL battle. This is so much more than pound on the scale. Thank yo so much for this blog & being so brave. I really loved it. xoxo

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CHANCEDOG1126 3/16/2013 2:39PM

    You definitely aren't alone! I totally struggle with the same thing. I obsessively think about food, to the point where sometimes my next meal is the biggest thing I look forward to. Thanks for sharing!

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SLIMMINGSHAY 3/15/2013 11:27PM

    I can admit that I too, struggle with this very same thing. the relationship we have with food these days is just completely unhealthy on so many levels. Great job for bringing your 'secret' to light and being willing to take on the embarrassment/shame you may have felt upon clicking 'post blog'.

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JOYFULGRATITUDE 3/15/2013 7:10PM

    I'll admit I like donuts and ice cream. What I do is I'll go to Dunkin' Donuts and buy precisely one doughnut. Whichever one I want, but I just buy that one. I don't buy a whole dozen. If I did, I'd eat the whole dozen. But if I buy just one, then that's the only one I get to eat. I still count the calories towards my daily total, but I really enjoy eating that one doughnut since I know it's the only one I'm going to have. I eat it with no distractions (like watching television, being on the computer or talking on the phone) and savor every bite. And I don't let myself feel guilty about it because I see it as a treat that I don't consume everyday. I acknowledge the calories, that I enjoyed my treat and that I can still stay healthy by eating one doughnut once a month. Same goes for the one scoop sundae from Baskin Robbins. I don't have to give up my treats completely and that keeps me motivated; everything in moderation.

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LUCIELEMONADE 3/15/2013 5:51PM

    Thank you for posting this. I'm right there with you!

And really, this weight loss journey is making it worse. I just think all day about what I'm eating, when and what I can eat next, etc.

I'm worried that tracking my food intake on here is making the situation worse.


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WORKNPROGRESS49 3/15/2013 4:24PM

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HANNAHSMAMA3 3/15/2013 3:58PM

    Thank you for sharing. I have recently come to terms with the fact that I have an eating disorder. It took me a long time because it is not a "typical" eating disorder to me. My case manager is trying to get me to go to Food Addicts Anonymous but I am just not ready yet. It is nice to know I am not alone.

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 3/15/2013 2:57PM

    Please don't be ashamed, cause here you are preaching to the CHOIR here! Almost everyone here is a food addict. I know I am. I obsess over food, worry about what's for dinner, sometimes before I've even finished breakfast, and the thought of breakfast actually gets me out of bed in the morning! I eat or think about eating even when I'm not hungry. That's why I realized Weight Loss Surgery would probably fail on me, cause I have no problem at all eating when I'm not hungry at all. Right now I just finished lunch and I'm wondering what I'm going to make for dinner!

I hate this disorder, it sucks. But it's manageable. And that is a Godsend. Some diseases are incurable, like my husband's cancer, so I'm appreciating the fact that I can control my own health problem simply by staying in control and making the right food choices. We really are the lucky ones!!!

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SUZLOOZ 3/15/2013 2:18PM

    So honest and so true. I think most of us can relate here.

I was talking to some coworkers recently about how I used to visit the vending machine constantly on some days. They were surprised because they never saw me buying or eating the stuff. That's because I hid it well. Not only buying it, but eating it at my desk, too. That's a sign of addiction, yes?

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JENSTRESS 3/15/2013 2:10PM

    I've been there. I have bought a box of doughnuts to work and eaten the whole thing. And no one knew but me (and now anyone who reads this.) I have such a hard time saying no to junk food, that I really just try to not have it. It isn't realistic for me. SO, what I will do now is practice moderation. If it doesn't work, then I will go without it all for even longer. One time I bought a box of oreos for lunch. And ate it. I don't want to be that person any more. So I am working on changing her views on food, and nutrion!

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WARDMIC78 3/15/2013 12:05PM

    thanks for sharing! it feels so good to get these things off your chest! I know I'm always embarrassed when I literally eat as much as fast as I can just in case someone catches me - how horrible it is!

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HOLLYBDR 3/15/2013 11:17AM

    I too understand what you are talking about. My family (mom's side) are all overweight. As a teen I was heavy my sister was not. I for sure used food as a crutch, hid eating etc... I agree with the person who said it is harder with food than say drugs because you need food every day.

I think your family friend was probably concerned about you and didn't know what to say or do. I myself feel like that with my nieces. They are young 7 and 10 but both are getting overweight for sure. It's hard because I do not want to see them with the problems I have had and yet don't want to say or do the wrong thing.


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LIFETIMER54 3/15/2013 6:16AM

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SISSIE21 3/15/2013 4:00AM

    As you can see by all the answers you are not alone in this at all! Food has been my comforter, companion, celebrator and punisher, depending on the situation and how I was feeling at the time. I have also hidden food and when I am eating my binge foods, to be honest I would rather be alone! The thing that has helped me is to plan 3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks and stick to that each day. It has brought a bit of routine and sanity back to my eating and my life. If I have a binge, I get right on SP and blog about it and ask my spark friends for help. I admire you for having the courage to post such an honest blog. Thank you for sharing. emoticon emoticon

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WITHNEWEYES 3/15/2013 3:41AM

    WOW, thank you for sharing. I can totally relate! And your not alone in your weakness we are all battling with you!

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SHARIKAYE 3/15/2013 12:56AM

    As you can tell from others posts you are not alone in being a food addict. My bad habits, as yours, started as a child. Pressures of the teen years and adult life didn't see any improvement. In fact, binging only got worse in times of stress. Now binging happens most often during times of boredom or just because something tastes so doggone good. Does anyone who's addicted to food need and excuse to binge? Thanks to SparkPeople and having to record everything I eat, my binges have become further and further apart. It's hard to log an entire bag of Snickers bites when you know your calorie count for the day is going to go off the chart. It also seems counterproductive to spend time getting my workout in and then blow it by eating too many calories. I'm starting to care too much. And that's a good thing. There is hope for any of us who are willing to admit that we have a problem. You just helped a lot of people be able to put into words what they are feeling.
Thanks for blogging. Keep at it. You're on your way.

Shari

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RAKRHYME 3/15/2013 12:34AM

    unfortunately so many of us have associated food with happiness. we tend to eat everytime we are sad, blue or lonely.
i have had pretty much similar experiences being an emotional eater myself.
however i am glad that i am recovering... if we dig deep we can actually find the reason why we eat at odd timings when we arent even actually hungry... just try to look into it and find what u r associating it to.it shall surely help you.
i did the same for me and i am much better today than yesterday... emoticon

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FRUITYSPARKLES 3/14/2013 11:53PM

    I don't think you should be ashamed! We are all here because we've made bad choices in the food department! But the point is that right now, we are making better choices. Thanks for sharing!

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DIVAMAMAOFTWO 3/14/2013 11:27PM

    Thank you for sharing your story... I have some similar tendencies.

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DARLENEW58 3/14/2013 10:07PM

  Wow!! I see myself in your words! Thanks for sharing,I know it couldn't have been easy.

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MIZZKINS 3/14/2013 9:55PM

    I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. Its actually liberating to put it out there - I'm obsessed with food. I can't have certain foods in my house or I will eat the whole bag/box/carton in a weak moment. 35 years ago as a teen, when I babysat, I raided the junk food and tried to hide it. Later I had a housecleaning business and grazed through my customer's food. I loved when the kids had holiday candy in their room and I took advantage of non-obsessed people not knowing EXACTLY how much of every junky food they had. It was easy and no one noticed. I've driven to multiple stores buying junk food so I'm not seen buying it all at once. Same thing with fast food.

On the positive side, we are so lucky we can do something about it. I'm in a good place now, I'm not obsessing over food, and I think its smart to remind myself I don't want to go back there. Thanks very much for your heartfelt blog. It helps a lot.
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KWEEKWEK 3/14/2013 9:33PM

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LIENDO2013 3/14/2013 9:25PM

  Omg i thought i was the only human around who felt like this... it really is a daily challenge for me. i think i fear the kitchen now because i am so tired of being fat...

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E1SPAG 3/14/2013 9:13PM

    Your blog entry is good and I see so much of myself there. Good for you for recognizing it and taking action!

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MADZI88 3/14/2013 7:38PM

    Thanks for your willingness to share your story. You've given me a lot to think about.

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ARTISTES 3/14/2013 6:55PM

    Starving myself not eating all day, and then bingeing on dinner, eating snickers bars in the bathroom, one crazy diet after another, thinking of nothing but food when i wake up and deciding that I can get thru another day of not eating..these are some of the things i went thru for many years. now I can't believe that i can eat three meals a day and lose weight, and not have all that guilt and hunger..it is wonderful!! Thanks, smartpeople!! emoticon

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BLUESKYMUM 3/14/2013 6:37PM

    Thank you so much for sharing- I loved your new way of thinking about your relationship with food, it quite inspired me! Keep on blogging and losing! emoticon

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AJB121299 3/14/2013 6:35PM

    thanks for sharing

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ADVENTURESEEKER 3/14/2013 5:24PM

    Thank you for sharing! I, too, don't have a healthy relationship with food, although I am taking steps to correct it.

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LZY0108 3/14/2013 3:49PM

    Thank you for sharing! I too believe my relationship to food isn't the healthiest. I have to keep myself on a schedule on times when I can eat. If I don't, I can eat all day. Hungry or not... Sadly I find myself constantly looking at the clock wondering if its time to eat or how long to go until I can eat.. I totally understand where you are coming from.
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AMYTHECRAFTER 3/14/2013 3:45PM

    I know how you feel I can say that your story is so much like mine. emoticon You are not alone!

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DHINDS2 3/14/2013 3:43PM

    This is true for many of us. I so know how you feel. I think about my breakfast at night and plan my lunch and snacks and dinner, but not because I want to be healthy but because I love food. I love watching food network and Guy of Tripple D eating even though I know I can never eat most of the things seen (I am GF) but I live through him. I have been known to ask friends how their food tastes. Thanks for sharing with us and putting it all out there.

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SORGIN 3/14/2013 3:35PM

    THanks for having the courage to share your story. I feel like I could have written it myself. You are so right, it's about making better choices when food has been such a source of comfort. Thank you!

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KDYLOSE 3/14/2013 3:17PM

    I always binged when my parents and siblings weren't at home. I also did it when babysitting or otherwise alone in other people's houses. I was an expert at taking just enough of different things that it wouldn't be too obvious.. I know what you're talking about, it was my shameful secret. But it's important to understand that a lot of the addiction is physical and has to do with eating sugar and carbs that put us on a rollercoaster of rising and falling blood sugar, causing strong physical cravings.

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LIFETIMER54 3/14/2013 2:49PM

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HEALTHYWAY101 3/14/2013 2:49PM

    What a great Blog! You said what many of us feel/know, but have never put down for others to see (or ourselves). Thank you. Also, your blog was very motivating for me. You Rock!

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JOANNHUNT 3/14/2013 2:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEETBRIT 3/14/2013 2:20PM

  Fascinating. Reading about others' relationships with food makes me more aware of my strange romance with food.

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VTRICIA 3/14/2013 2:07PM

    You made such an interesting statement: " It’s like being in love/obsessed with someone who doesn’t care about you." That is so true of many foods (except for quinoa, there it goes the other way.) I've been thinking a lot about the issue of food addiction the last day or so, wondering whether to go there with my blog. I actually attend an eating disorder 12 step group, but it's kind of a steep learning curve. I took me years of banging my head against the wall before I finally found the doorknob.

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VBA2009 3/14/2013 1:33PM

    Your blog was very motivating!

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CRYSSYC 3/14/2013 1:10PM

    Therin52

I can sympathize with you. growing up as a chid and teen, when my dad graced my family with his presence he made comments like to me, some times even worse ones. So even though i had that love of food, i would do all i could to hid it ono days he came over. after becoming an adult I confronted him one day about how he hurt my feels and how he made me ashamed to eat in front of anybody. I still love food and am now not ashamed to eat infront of people. If i may suggest confronting your uncle and letting him know how it hurt. maybe this will help.

And its not a sin to love food. we just need to remember to eat the food in moderation. loving food only shows that we are human .

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GLUECIPHER 3/14/2013 1:00PM

    Thanks for sharing. I know exactly how you feel.

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IMSUNSHINE 3/14/2013 12:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LAGRAJA 3/14/2013 12:28PM

    So much of this resonates with me! Thank you for posting.

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PJPACK 3/14/2013 12:19PM

    Hit home for me as I find myself hiding what I eat. I will definitely be working on changing that.

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JACKIE542 3/14/2013 12:12PM

    Thank you for sharing this, I surely do understand. emoticon emoticon

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SAMANTHA1965 3/14/2013 11:54AM

  thanks for sharing. i can relate to your blog.from the time i get up all i think about is food i can't enjoy a meal without thinking about what i'm going to eat next. i never feel full.

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FIRECOM 3/14/2013 11:45AM

    I am guilty of the "If no one saw me eat this, the calories don't count" syndrome. Now I tell myself when I see a really good looking morsel lying so alone in the fridge, "I can let it go to waste or I can let it go to waist." Then I just toss it in the garbage.

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