It's not exactly been the best week so far. I had a pretty big blow yesterday when something I was hoping for (and I could not have been more qualified for) fell through. It would've made my life a lot easier for the next few years. I could have been at home more and would have finally had the funds to fix up my wreck of a house.
I had my 5 minutes of boo-hoo time, but at the moment where I would usually continue down the spiral of self-pity, something gave me a mental pep talk. I'd like to think it was God, but if that's not your particular flavor, I respect that as well.
Regardless, that little voice told me it would be fine. That if it didn't work out, there's a darn good reason why even if I can't see it right now. That something better will come my way and that was just not the direction I was supposed to go.
Now, I still had my moment of feeling overwhelmed, and my best friend helped talk me through that as she's always able to. But it's a serious growth moment for me to realize I reacted far differently than I would have just a few years ago. And it's was the worst possible time for me to deal with emotional stuffs because of that womanly thing that's been going on this week too.
Before, I would've laid out on the couch for a few weeks sulking. All kinds of bad food would have entered my gaping maw. I'd have felt hopeless and worthless and my self-confidence would've been stomped to the ground. There would've been no exercise.
How old me would've reacted:
Yet, yesterday I ate all my planned meals. And I will do the same today. I got up and swam laps this morning and will get on the bike for a while tonight.
I'm continuing on. Life did not go as planned and I got some sand kicked in my face. But I can't control it. The only thing I can control is how I react to it.
Now, this probably means I will not have the funds to purchase the bike and equipment I need for the June triathlon. My parents will gladly fund the new running shoes, but I'm considering that an early birthday present. I know they are necessary for any running plans, triathlon or not, in the hopes that I can keep my knee from becoming a problem again.
I am disappointed in this. But, once again, I'm not letting that stop me. If I can't go to that triathlon, why can't I just have my own at the Y? Set up a Saturday where I can go bike, run, and swim all at once, with the same distances I would've had at the one I planned to attend?
I almost made it to half a mile today in swimming. 14 laps out of 16. If I hadn't been running late for work, I would've finished the half mile in 30 minutes. That means I've been able to do both a 15 mile bike and a half mile swim. Not consecutively, not yet, but that's still a huge milestone. I knew swimming wouldn't be an issue, so for the next month or so, I just need to focus on getting faster on the bike and in the pool. I skipped ST all last week and that is not acceptable. I'm implementing a planned ST routine starting this week that will include free weights and core exercises.
I can't quit now. I won't. I will not squander away 2 months of slow and steady work to get this far. But I need to also figure out how to brighten up my life a bit while still getting the exercise in. Because in all other areas of my life other than exercise, I am feeling drained. That is the hardest challenge for me right now.
But it's always good to keep this in mind (LOL):