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Tough situation

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Alright, I've got a doozy of a situation here. My son will soon be turning 13 and he wants to have a bunch of the guys sleep over for video games and movies. Here's the dilemma. In his group of home schooled kids, there are a few slightly older boys, 2 of the boys are delightful. Very polite and decent kids. However, there is one boy who is NOT at all what I'd call a good influence. My son does not feel comfortable around him, even though, as most home schoolers know, you are stuck seeing him at all activities.
This kid uses bad language, tells improper jokes and worst of all, makes vulgar references to my older daughter's body. Bob is horrified at the behavior displayed by this kid, and even after both Bob and my daughter have told him to knock it off, he persists.
I can't talk to the mom, because we really do not see eye to eye on anything. She's a very left-wing hippie chick, (seriously, I mean, the whole hippie thing) and I am a Reagan Conservative. She unschools, I use a curriculum, she is aggressive and I am pretty laid back.
I am concerned that it will become known that Bob is having a party and her son is not invited and it will cause drama for my kid. Drama, I can handle, I don't want it to harm him.
My friends say do not under any circumstances invite the kid. He could pose an actual threat to my girl. Also, they don't especially want their kids with him, but as this mom is outwardly quite friendly, no one wants to tell her either.
***sigh*** I thought I was through with this when I began home schooling.....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    no one says you have to invite the group ..... I'd steer clear of this kid ....your son will come up against a lot of not nice things growing up.... think of it as a teachable moment.
    1800 days ago
    Your daughter would not be safe if you had this kid over for the night and he also may be a danger to you all too. So just like they all said don't have him over for your son's sleep over.
    1803 days ago
    Thank you all! I know what I need to do, but I really needed to get affirmation. It is never easy, but I need to keep my kids safe and content in their own home.
    1803 days ago
    I know as a parent, you feel obligated to invite all of his classmates so that no one feels excluded. But if your son feels uncomfortable around this teen and this teen has exhibited poor social behavior, then I agree with your friends. you shouldn't invite him to the party.

    The last thing you want is a young teen in your house who's going to make lewd remarks about your daughter. It means she is either stuck in her room or staying over a friend's house for the evening. That's not fair to her.

    The fact is, this teen is not your son's friend. So, why invite him ? It sounds like your son as well as your daughter will both be miserable if he's invited. The grief isn't worth it. Your son should have FUN at his party instead of having to walk on egg shells making this older teen a part of the crowd.

    Don't worry about the mother's reaction. She'll get over it and so will her son.

    1803 days ago
    I agree with everyone's comments. This family is a powder keg waiting to blow. Unfortunately, you are in this situation. I don't think being warm and fuzzy and sensitive will help, however. If she learns about it and you find yourself having to address this directly with her, I would firmly state matter of factly why. It isn't meant to offend. If she says anything, I wonder if asking her why her son would want to come anyway since your rules are so different from hers.

    Bless you. I pray God gives you the words to say if it comes up. This lady has a victim mindset. She erroneously believes everyone dumps on her, when the truth is that she leaves more victims in her wake. Even worse, she is perpetuating this prickly, abrasive belief system to her son. What a disservice.
    1803 days ago
    Just say no, some things need not be explained! Period!
    1803 days ago
    I hate to say it, but I think she is part of the problem. She is known to let the kids watch shows that are not age appropriate. She had been informed of a problem previously when the boy flashed a knife at two other girls in the group. She didn't handle it well from that mom, whom she liked, she sure won't handle it well coming from me!
    1803 days ago
  • STEPHANIE302013
    I agree with PAL2010 - you've got to trust your gut and if it's telling you this kid is trouble - LISTEN!! maybe his mom needs to hear that her kid wasn't invited to a birthday party because no one is comfortable around him and you don't trust him in your house over night. I'm sure the mom sees the behaviour but is ignoring it right now under the whole "boys will be boys" deal - sharing with her what your concerns are - privately and with a great deal of sensitivity - but not omitting anything - could open her eyes to the handful she has.
    1803 days ago
    Yes, you are right and I know my daughter does not want him in her home!
    Tough as it is, I've got to go with what I know is right.
    1803 days ago
  • PAL2010
    That's a tough situation but you have to do what is right for your family. If having this boy at our home for the sleep over makes you that uneasy than don't do. It's better to be safe than sorry. And don't forget it is your home and you have the right to feel safe and secure in your own home!

    Who knows, maybe this will teach the boy something, After all, there is a lesson to be learned here.

    1803 days ago
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