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    MELLIELOU140   6,762
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Living with a TBI Patient

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

TBI stands for Traumatic Brain Injury. My Husband has one. Was injured last year. It's getting worse. This is an awful life for him. And since it happened at work, all expenses should be covered by workman's comp. Except... in the beginning we didn't understand how impaired he was. He was still driving to his own appts, still handling his own paperwork.

Now - it's clear how impaired he is. His comp claim is all screwed up because he didn't bother sending in referrals or even answering phone calls when folks called with questions. Now his lawyer and I are left trying to untangle the mess. And he's not getting treatment from some doctors b/c they are not getting paid.

But the really fun part is that he's mad at ME - yelling at ME because I'm not making the appointment he needs. He invariably says he told me "2 months ago" (it's never 2 months ago) that he needed this appointment. He still doesn't have the right paperwork. And have I mentioned that I work a stressful full time job? He's calling me at work to yell at me.

He started the day upset with me because I must have been spray painting. The smell was making him sick to his stomach. I assure you, as I did him, I have not spray painted anything. Not even in this decade. But there was nothing I could say or do to assure him that there was no spray painting being done, the smell was his brain playing tricks on him and he couldn't get really sick from it.

I'm just venting. I try to keep a sense of humor about it. But it's harder some days than others. And I know, truly know that I need this health care improvement for myself. I need to log in and vent. I need to eat healthy meals and exercise to have the strength to manage our lives. So thank you for listening - if anybody reads this...

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBGEO 1/2/2014 1:12PM

    Hi there,
I am also a brain injury survivor... I found your blog note when trying to find another group... Thank you for your insight. I can relate to SO much...
How is everything going for you? I hope well... time doesn't heal ALL wounds, but the brain can move forward given enough time and care... it is a fragile thing.

I started a group on here several years ago called Brain Buddies. I have slacked TERRIBLY for several months, and while we are a small group, we are strong of heart... my goal this year is to bring myself back to building this... I would welcome you there if you would be interested...

Wishing you a positive and healthy NEW YEAR!

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PURPLEJESSICA 5/24/2013 8:24PM

  Thank you for sharing. My husband also has a TBI and it's been a struggle for us to adapt, especially considering the delayed onset of some of his problems. The biggest problem for us has been his forgetfulness (doctors appointments, taking meds, doing chores) and the change in his personality in the form of frustration and anger.

I was having a tough day dealing with his anger that was directed toward me and I came across your blog. Seeing someone else go through a very similar situation makes the tough times seem not so bad. Thanks again. I wish you and your husband the best of luck with his recovery.

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MELLIELOU140 3/14/2013 8:42AM

    Oh my goodness! I just logged in to do my daily readings and didn't expect this response. Thank you ALL so much! It felt so good to read your words of comfort, support and advise. As always, today is a better day. We have an appointment today with his neurologist. I was going to try to go into work for a few hours today, but decided to take the day off. Well, not off - I'm going to focus on his paper work, the lawyer, and tracking down records he needs to see another specialist. He only yelled at me once today, so far (LOL) but I could see he recognized that it was inappropriate and he stopped and apologized. That means it could be a could day.

Thank you again. Some of you hit it on the head with understanding the loneliness that comes with losing my best friend to this injury. He's right here - but most of the time it's not him. We call it "alien" when it takes over my husbands body. I have some good friends, I do have a church that I fairly recently joined. There is an online support group that I'm in - but no local resources (I'm sorta in the boonies). But my time is almost exclusively his, as we have not been approved for any nursing care and there is literally no one that can come watch him for me. I leave him alone when I go to work and pray he doesn't do anything that will harm himself. Unfortunately that has lead to many a fall and further injuries...

But as I said - today is a good day. I am thankful for that and for all of you. I beg, really quite literally, for your continued support and friendship.
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STONECOT 3/13/2013 5:06PM

    Vent all you like! Unfortunately he's no longer the man you married. He no longer has the capacity, or ability to be that man. A lot if people end up divorcing, after violence or accusations of infidelity caused by the brain injury. Good luck in your troubles.

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PATTYCAKE17 3/13/2013 3:25PM

    I'm so sorry for the terrible stress you are going through. I don't know your spiritual condition, but I read and agreed in prayer for what Editor wrote. I do hope you will let Jesus help you carry your burdens. The load will be so much lighter in ways you can't imagine if you are not walking with him already. I have been through a lot of trials and tribulations in this life, and for me, I wouldn't have made it through without the Lord on my side, really good supportive friends, and whatever support groups I could find for my needs at those rough times. I could almost guarantee that there are TBI support groups for family members, as well as groups for caregivers, depending on the area where you live. In any case start ongoing counseling for yourself, even if it's Al-Anon, because the 12 steps really help. I'm pretty sure that some of the symptoms you describe are similar to my ex-husband's alchoholic outbursts. God bless you, dear friend emoticon

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EDITOR 3/13/2013 2:59PM

    Oh my goodness The worst thing I could tell you is my former brother-in-law had this too. I will spare you all details and concentrate on you.

Father, we cannot see the blessings. We can not see the good. We can see, however, you giving Going2B an avenue where she can get support, understanding and prayer. Be with her through this ordeal and let her not lose sight of Your love and care. Bless her and give her strength each day to face tomorrow. In Christ Jesus' name we pray. Amen

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INNERJETTIC 3/13/2013 2:27PM

    My goodness. Vent all you need to!

I didn't have your situation, but when my son was born, he had a plethora of life threatening health issues. At the time, I had a toddler daughter that I adopted at 2. She had ADHD and Reactive Attachment Disorder manifested when I started being gone a great deal at the hospital. If he wasn't in the hospital, we were driving to doctor appts DAILY! With a hyper toddler, 3 lb infant w cardiac issues on oxygen for hours. Every. Day.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to care for an adult. On top of that, he can't be reasoned with. On top of that, you get yelled at. On top of that, you work a full time job, maintain a home, and the bills. Then deal with an attorney and an insurance company. And then it's your husband. So you are doing this alone without the help of your best friend. I can only imagine you feel scared and alone. I know you know what I mean when I say that it probably FEELS like having another child. God bless and strengthen you and give you joy.

Please reach out anytime. I am here.

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JEWELLE217 3/13/2013 1:46PM

    Oh, honey, do I ever understand! My husband has a head injury resulting in short term memory loss, massive migraines, and inability to articulate his thoughts into words. But, he sure knows how to yell at me when I'm at work! emoticon I have to remind myself ALOT that the head injury is the reason for his anger and forgetfulness. It can be frustrating to say the least.

If you ever need to vent, feel free to send me a message if you want. We spouses need to stick together! emoticon

Hope you have a better day!
Deb

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MALAMI518 3/13/2013 1:44PM

    That must be so difficult to face. I'm so sorry! I wish that I had some help or advice.

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DAWN14163 3/13/2013 1:28PM

    I can't imagine how hard it must be for you both. Life is so unfair sometimes. Thinking of you and sending hugs xx

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 3/13/2013 12:57PM

    He is grateful for your love.

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PHOENIXMYST 3/13/2013 12:49PM

    Vent all you want this is a very hard time for you and it needs to come out before you talk to your husband later.

Keep your spirits up emoticon

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