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SOFT_VAL67
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right this way....and pics.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Today, I reset my goals. So to speak. I went in and changed my weight. As according to the scale, I have gained a few pounds.
This isnt a shock to me, but still disturbing on so many levels.
I finally woke up to the fact that I have been in self destruct mode for weeks now.
It has been 8 weeks since I broke my foot and slowly, I allowed it to creep into my psyche that I can slack...and use the foot as an excuse.
"Well, I cant walk afterall, and that is the only thing that worked for me"....this was my daily mantra....or....
"I have lost 70 lbs, eating this one snack cake/cheeseburger/beer/ice cream/so on and so on...cant hurt me that much"
I used phrases like this to justify my actions.
But that all stops today.

Gone are the nights going out for A BEER....that leads to six. and A BITE to eat, that leads to a loaded cheeseburger and waffle fries....Gone are the nights sitting on the couch thinking, ok, I can ride the bike and lift weights, etc, in a little while....and then it never happens.
These days are gone and I am thankful for the break thru.
I worked out two nights in a row and rode my bike for the first time, in awhile.
And it wasnt so bad....I had set it in my mind that walking was the only way for me to lose or maintain my weight loss...but I know that isnt true.
I can find other ways to lose....not just maintain, because apparently that is no longer working as I have gained.

So, today, as so many have been, is a new day...and its really a new start for me.
I have revamped my food, calories, etc...and I am going to start journaling again, daily.
These things I have allowed to slip away from me.
I cannot tell you how much I look forward to just water, protein, working out and staying home, to really reconnect with myself and YESSSSS I am going back to therapy.
I do need a good counselor, I just hope I can find one.
But this is something I have allowed to go for too long.
I have had so many bad days in the last 2 months....and really, even from September things have slowly been sliding in my life, walking really was the only thing that I could turn to...and when that was ripped away from me so abruptly, it was like what is left....?
Downward spiral.......
But, I am climbing back up....
I am looking for positive affirmations and positive people in my life.
But mostly I am just looking forward.....
and I added some pics, in purple is one year ago and in pink was taken yesterday

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