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Being Honest & Politely Stern with Friends

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I have a number of friends who drink heavily. This makes sense since I met most of them at one point or another in my life when I was drinking heavily. Now that I’m trying to only drink moderately as part of a healthy lifestyle, I find myself becoming anxious instead of excited about hanging out with friends as most of our social activities seem to always revolve around drinking. My one friend and I tend to have “wine and *other activity* night”; “wine & Chinese night”, “wine & arts & crafts night”, etc. while another friend I have always asks me if I want to have a “wine night” with her. Never “Let’s go to a movie” or “Let’s hang out”, always “hey, when can we have another girlie wine night?”. Obviously, as much as I adore my friends, this sort of weekly wine-based activity isn’t helping my weight loss efforts. So in the past I’ve either cancelled plans, planning on just avoiding my friends until I lost the weight, or told some sort of white lie like “I’m on medication that I can’t drink on.” Or “I can’t stay too long, so I’d better not drink so close to when I have to drive.” These solutions, of course, never stick. emoticon

But in preparation for a couple of possible social weekends, I’ve decided to come out and be 100% honest. I fully intend on telling my friends “I’d love to hang out, but could we not center it around drinking? You can absolutely drink if you want to, but I’m really set on getting into ‘personal trainer’ shape & I just really can’t drink very much & do that.” Or something to that effect. I don’t want them to feel guilty or like I’m judging them, but this is really something I intend to make part of my life & I’ve got to start being honest about it. If my friendships with people weaken because our former joint interest in getting bombed isn’t as strong, then I suppose I should just accept that & understand that those friendships weren’t meant to last.

Also, as much as I appreciate all of my SparkFriends & their support, I need to work on finding some real live friends in my area who are health conscious & not as heavy a drinker as I used to be. It’s so much easier to live a healthy lifestyle when you’re not the only person who doesn’t want to go to the bar, the house party, or the club. I worry occasionally because my beaux is sometimes disappointed that I don’t want to go out late on weekends (it’s hard to change your 4:30am rise 8:00pm sleep schedule for just two days out of the week). ::sigh:: we’ll see. Either way, something’s got to change because what I’ve been doing isn’t working & as Albert Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting different results.”
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I wish you the best. Alcohol is a very sensitive subject for some people. Taking a stand about anything that's important to you isn't easy. Be strong and have faith that the more you spend time around like-minded people, the more of those people you'll attract into your life.
    1710 days ago
    You've got to choose your battles and your friends. If they are really your "friends" they will understand where you are coming from. It sounds as though with your change to a healthier lifestyle that you have matured as well. I think honesty is absolutely the best policy and hopefully they will accept you as the person you want to be. You can still be with them and be the "non-drinker" and hopefully they will join you in other activites that involve non-drinking. You have to see how it goes and then decide. If they choose to alienate you just because of your choices then maybe they weren't really your friends after all. Good luck emoticon
    1710 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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