Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I think I am loseing all my determination and a lot faster then I thought I would.....
So my children and I just started our night walks again because it is starting to be a little better weather. We walk up to the school so they can play, I can walk and I can still keep an eye on them and we all are doing this together so every one can be more active. Well today as I am walking around the school playgound I notice some other people staring at me and I start feeling very uncomfertable and all of sudden all these feelings came up and I GAVE UP, I decied to just sit down my daughter came over and asked why I wasnt walking I told her that I was just tired and to go and play. As I sit there feeling bad, upset, and disgusted with my self I noticed this mom playing with her son chaseing him, going up and down the slide with him and haveing a good time with her son. That made me feel even worse because that is what I want so bad and yet I am sitting on the out side just watching my kids play.
To make everything worse today after we get home I sat here and ate my feelings, Honestly I some of it I didn't really notice and some at the time I just didn't care I temperally had givin up. Now sitting here I just feel like crap...... Sorry for the self lothing blog just had to get it out to someone even just typing it makes me feel better lol bye