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victory and defeat - this is a long one

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

so I think it is great to celebrate victories - I totally enjoy it. I almost find greater enjoyment in understanding defeat. Why did I fail - was it something I had control over ... usually is. How did I react to this failure - by bucking up and taking control and making better choices or by going "well, I already screwed up, may as well jump in and screw up royal.

Today I realized that I have a pattern of excuses. If I go over my calorie intake by trying to do the right thing I am like oh well and enjoy what I want. I reason myself out of workouts by saying ya but I did (insert whatever) instead. I justify not participating in the SparkCommunity and when that does not work I blame it on slow internet.

My fix for each of these issues -
Nutrition: plan better so I am in range or under so if I want to indulge later in day I can.
Fitness: hold myself accountable by making it more visible in home.
SparkTime: schedule time to be on computer to visit group/individuals as described in my plan.

HOW to fix:
Nutrition: I already picked up cook books with meals under 400 calories, 300 calories and snacks under 100 calories. I also picked up a couple for veggies - I figure can't get enough of those.
- I will go through and select meals and go shopping and prepare and enjoy. I know most advise says to plan for one week but I have tried that before. Sometimes it works, other times I just seriously not in the mood for something and it messes it all up. At this time I want to plan for Wednesday and Thursday (gonna have to wing it Wed AM since that is in a few hours). I figure that is a good start and totally do-able. I can expand from there.

Fitness: make a calendar for fitness and post it ... not sure where but someplace I can't avoid it. Make kind of a to do list of fitness. I plan to put which DVD I will do and my walks on it. Not sure if this will help but need to find something.

Sparktime: schedule it - put it on the calendar - go to library instead of at home - I need to stop making excuses. This is a more difficult goal for me to figure out because of the variables. I have less control and actually am kinda proud of myself for not sitting in front of a screen a lot (I actually watched some TV tonight ... rarity)(I was reading a book on yoga while watching it though so at least I was thinking about fitness).

Anyway - I have a long way to go. I also have a couple health concerns but my doctor is not concerned. I have talked to people in real life and on line about them and what they were diagnosed with or how they changed their habits to help fix it. I am not sure what to do but I need to do something.

emoticon Going to keep typing - sorry if TMI - keeping it clean as possible.

knee and hip and foot pain:
- I have had bad knees pretty much all my life. When I was elementary/middle/high school the doctors said my thigh muscle was longer than my bone so it did not hold my knee cap in place. This allowed the cap to shift side to side causing rubbing and inflammation and pain. Couple that with a few sprains and strains (I never let it keep me from being active) and ow. Throw on a few car accidents (the most recent one really jacked it up) and mega grrrrr - I was actually running (something I wasn't able to do before) and then crunch and now pain just walking.
- My hip has been bothering my lately. I was told that during my daughters birth my leg was not held in a correct position and things pressed and shifted. Over the past 17 years it gets worse and worse.
- I broke the second meta tarsal 6 years ago. Did not know it was broken for 3 months and just kept doing what I do (which at the time was loading trailers in a warehouse and raising my daughter). I tell you what - they say it healed fine but man it still hurts sometimes. Boy does the colder wet weather make it ache.

I have been given advise on by fellow Sparkers to see a specialist but either haven't had the money or know which one to see for any/all of the listed. Not really sure what they can do for any of it. Been dealing with it all for so long seems kinda normal.

Going Poo - I have never been very regular. maybe once or twice a week ... even in high school. I have had several people say its IBS but I don't know. I wonder if it is my diet somehow. I know I don't drink enough water ... just not thirsty but that could be part of the problem. Maybe its not enough of the right kinds of fiber? One gal I work with said she was same way and it got worse to the point where she would end up in ER once a month so they could get poo out of her cuz she was doubled up in pain from not going. She cut out dairy and meat and bread and it cured her. I don't know what to do here but I gotta do something. I am pretty sure its obscuring my weight loss. I know others have mentioned always weighing after a poo before eating. Well last week I could not poo. It had been 7 days since my last one. The scale says I put on 6 lbs - how much is me or stuff I need to flush. I did not update SparkPeople with that measurement cuz I did not believe it... although I suppose I could have put on weight but I was on track that week.

Anyway - in addition to watching calories I may adjust what I eat (dairy, bread, water, etc) as well to try and fix this issue with out anything else - I don't want to rely on any sort of pill, suppository, herbal remedy or whatever else is out there if I don't have to.

SLEEP! I need to get on a schedule or something and not allow excuses to interrupt it more often than not. Should I get a pass for the Bon Jovi concert - YES! how often does one get to go for free? To visit with friend I see/talk to regularly? Probably not a good idea - they should understand my goals and need to meet them... and they probably need their sleep too.

Splurging - this morning I splurged on a caramel latte from Panera ... 400calories for a drink I enjoyed over the morning but for what nutritional value??? it tasted sooooo good though. I think the guy made it regular instead of decaf which is why I can't sleep now. I always do decaf - have for years. I sometimes like a glass of wine and some fruit and cheese for a later night snack. Do you know how many calories cheese and wine have!!?? I need to plan for it and eat accordingly during the day.

I sometimes wonder if I am trying to change too many things at once but I can't figure another way to do it. I mean, what do you choose? I know on an episode of Dr Oz someone asked him of the three things you need to loose weight and be healthy (food, exercise and sleep) which is most important? He said sleep but can't you try to get the other two as well? I mean just because I get sleep shouldn't mean I get a pass to not walk or do a DVD or eat freggies or whatever. Wouldn't exercise and food help me get the sleep I need? (just like the stuff I didn't need is keeping me awake?)

Sorry for carrying on like this but I am just blogging the mental battle I have regularly. Any way I think I have a few good ideas to get started on. The most difficult one I see is Sparking around to groups and friends. I suppose I could be visiting instead of typing out this mess but really wanted to get it all out.

Well, I am going to make a cup of commomile tea and flip through a cook book or two for some ideas. Maybe I have what I need to get started later in morning for breakfast - although I do like my steal cut oats with blackstrap molasses and honey. MMMMMmmm so good and I guess its good for you. the mosasses has a ton of calcium and for someone who doesn't like to drink milk that is great!

well anyway enough carrying on. maybe I will make the tea and visit a few before the cook books - we will see.

hope the poo didn't offend anyone. nature happens ... or in my case it doesn't.
well hope you have a great day/night emoticon

emoticon can't wait to plant a garden in my kitchen - ahh one more thing for me to do. saw this emoticon and remembered it is on my to do list as well. I love fresh from the garden freggies! YUMMMY!

ok, g'night y'all .. officially
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like you are on the road to success!!
    1772 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    sounds like you have some great ideas

    as far as the TMI I think alot of it has to do with eating, dairy is a big one. I would recomend Eat to Live by Joel Furhman and The McDougall Program by John A McDougall (there are other books to)

    Just keep up the great work emoticon
    1773 days ago
    This is a great analysis of the seems like you have looked at it from every possible angle. Now just DO it!! Just exercise, then think about how you don't want to do it from a position of "its already done". Just eat the veggies first and your calories will go down. If you aim for 12 veggies a day, I guarantee you will go poo every day. Plus you won't EVER go over your calories because you just won't have the room in your tummy for a lot more food. Just do what you have to do to lose weight and don't allow yourself to make any excuses. You really can do this!!
    1773 days ago
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