Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I'm feeling angry and extremely anxious and I'm trying with all my might to resist stuffing my face for that quick rush of serotonin. Rationally, I know it crashes so quickly and really leaves me more miserable than I was in the first place....but my irrational "self preservation" brain is screaming for relief.
My husband has it in his head that he is going to pack up and move halfway across the country as soon as our son gets out of school for the year. No discussion, he's just made the decision for himself and if I don't want to come, that's fine.
WTF?! Are you serious?! We have no friends, family, or support system in the area he wants to relocate to - not to mention jobs, housing, school for our two kids. I literally just registered our daughter for kindergarten last week. We are so far behind on the bills we have today that I can't see how he thinks we can afford to move, even if I wanted to. And I don't want to move. I'm comfortable where we are...Sure our house is too small, but we could get rid of stuff and make it better. And I like the school my son is at and my daughter will attend - it's not perfect but I do feel like he is getting a better education than some of my friend's kids.
I don't want to uproot our lives just because my husband has a bug up his rear end about wanting to be part of some voluntaryist community. I honestly don't know what I will do if he does move out. He's been a stay at home dad for the last 18 months - I can't afford daycare and I don't have anyone that will do it for free. I don't have anyone we could move in with to offset the cost of childcare.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and I don't want him to move out but I won't stop him if that's what he really wants to do. I just feel sick about it....I never wanted to be a single mom and I don't want to see my marriage end.