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    BEINGGUIDED   12,428
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Time to stop hating yourself the war is over.

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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

This weight loss journey has been long. Too long actually; this could have been much shorter if I were more disciplined, but hindsights 20/20, right? Every time I turn around another week, month, or year has passed. When did time start flying by? Oh right, around the time I turned 30. The last few months for me with weightloss have been excruciatingly painful; looping around the same mountain, pleading with God to set me free of the bondage of which is my weight, food addiction, and the seemingly never ending cycle of success followed by failure. I've grown tired... exhausted actually. I just want answers. I want results. I want freedom. I want out of the hell I feel I am. The hell of my obesity.
The other day a very clear revelation entered my thought process. "What if you never lose the weight? What then? Are you just going to keep hating yourself forever?"
I never really thought about it that way because I always thought one day, one day hopefully in the not too distant future, I would finally arrive. I would be thinner and healthier and content in myself. These questions stuck in my mind as I thought more deeply about the what ifs. What if I am always this weight, always in this body? What if I never change? What then?
After some thought, things became very clear. "Deborah, no matter what happens, right this minute, you are going to stop hating yourself. The war has ended." The 20 year battle with my body. I refuse to spend another minute of my time planning the war against my weight. Fat has been a distraction for too long. How much life have I missed out on? How many days have I spent depressed and tortured about my weight? How many hours, days, years has my weight consumed my every breath?

Now don't get me wrong. This is not a surrender. Ending the war is not a free pass to become complacent. I have decided to just be. I know what it takes to be healthy; you eat healthy the majority of the time and you be active. What has stopped is my obsessive compulsive food behavior. With me it is either I obsess about what I am eating or I obsess about what I am not eating or I am wallowing in my misery of doing neither. This is not healthy and it is wearing me down. I am exhausted and worn out.

So instead of obsessing about food and making a bazillion plans I break, I am just going to be me. If I lose weight, AWESOME. If I don't, I'll keep trying to be healthy, one day at a time, but what I won't do is hate myself in the process. I am done failing. Its time to spend my life living. It is time to be content in myself and do all the things my future smaller self will do. There is no better time than now. Stop waiting for some day. Some day is today!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEACEHOPE1 4/22/2013 2:59PM

    Great blog! You asked yourself some tough questions, and there is nothing wrong with adapting your ways as you go along. I also find the obsession with food, calories, fat grams, pounds, etc to be tedious and exhausting.Great job figuring out what works for you, and is also a way of life you can sustain for the long term. Wishing you tons of success and good health!

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CLCIPS 4/21/2013 10:00AM

    So well said!! I can relate to so much of what you wrote. Cheering you on!

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TINAJANE76 4/20/2013 3:00AM

    Girl, BELIEVE me, I have been where you are! You're doing well to focus on putting being healthy first and working to become less obsessive about food. Your weight probably won't come off as quickly by living moderately, but once it does, you'll actually be able to keep it off much more easily and that's the end goal for all of us, isn't it? Best of luck with this new leg of your journey and know that you are not alone.

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TERRYT55 4/19/2013 4:49PM

    Excellent......you said it SO well.

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EFFRAYECHILDE 4/3/2013 12:54PM

    emoticon

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SOFT_VAL67 3/16/2013 10:41PM

    i always heard the older you get the harder it is to lose....but, i am 45 and didnt start to really lose until last year.
so far im down 70 pounds
but ive been stuck in limbo since breaking my foot in january
i just know that i havent given up
and just like you, i will continue to exercise and eat healthy....and the weight loss will come
maybe not overnight
maybe not in the record numbers we see in magazines
but it will, and with each pound i lose and each pound you lose...we will be that much closer to seeing our goals met and realizing it isnt just a lost battle.... emoticon

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CINDYWAGNER1 3/16/2013 9:03PM

    emoticon Have you read and tried The 17 Day Diet? I have and we are going to start this month. Just trying to get some things out of the house first. Don't want them to spoil and waste them. AWESOME, attitude! YOU CAN DO IT and YOU ARE!!

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MARYJEANSL 3/16/2013 6:13PM

  Amen, amen, and amen!

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GRGAP86 3/16/2013 1:40PM

  Welcome to the rest of your life!!

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AMANDACOETZER 3/16/2013 3:09AM

    emoticon

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NEWMOM20121 3/14/2013 10:57PM

    Keep it up.

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JIBBIE49 3/14/2013 4:15PM

    Wonderful to see your blog featured in the Spark mail, where the Spark Guy says it is read by one and one half million readers. You have inspired many today.

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GRAMPIAN 3/14/2013 6:38AM

  You have the right idea. emoticon

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CORNERKICK 3/14/2013 1:09AM

  You're not alone :)

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CLAYARTIST 3/13/2013 9:59PM

  emoticon mm emoticon

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 3/13/2013 9:40PM

    Woohoo!

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SUSIEMT 3/13/2013 7:24PM

    When I found Spark People I said I know nothing they are the experts. I was so afraid of failing! Guess what! I haven't failed! You can do this! If you need any help feel free to call on me! We want you to succeed! Keep up the good work!

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ROBB1N 3/13/2013 5:13PM

    emoticon

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JOANNHUNT 3/13/2013 5:02PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALIDOSHA 3/13/2013 4:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHRISBEM 3/13/2013 4:15PM

    trying to be healthy is a start in the right direction!

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TUTUNAN 3/13/2013 3:57PM

    Right on!!!

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TERMITEMOM 3/13/2013 3:15PM

    You have the right attitude! You go girl!

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PATRICIAANN46 3/13/2013 2:39PM

  emoticon You have to do what is emoticon for YOU!!!

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ROCKYCPA 3/13/2013 2:10PM

    Great blog!

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HEARTS116 3/13/2013 2:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JUDYAASH 3/13/2013 1:31PM

    Great! emoticon emoticon

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SIMONEKP 3/13/2013 1:30PM

    emoticon

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LAINYC 3/13/2013 1:29PM

    emoticon

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WINNIE-POOH 3/13/2013 12:51PM

    Great testimony. Who loves you more than the creator whom we are made in HIS image. May God bless you. emoticon

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CEEMAY 3/13/2013 12:50PM

    emoticon Great insights!

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RENATARUNS 3/13/2013 11:06AM

    Thumbs up. You have to love yourself first (and during). You have to. When you're ready to treat yourself right, then success will come in whatever you decide to attempt. Not before. Best wishes.

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AKATHLEEN54 3/13/2013 11:02AM

    Excellent perspective. As someone just reminded me this morning..... this is a marathon not a sprint. The finish line is there eventhough it may seem very, very far away! Baby steps, one challenge at a time one day at a time. You will get there!! Love yourself , be true to yourself, and believe in yourself and the rest will come!! emoticon

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SHOAPIE 3/13/2013 10:52AM

    emoticon

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DJSHIP46 3/13/2013 10:51AM

    Great way to change direction and improve your focus!!!

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NEPTUNE1939 3/13/2013 10:48AM

    emoticon

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SORLANDO21 3/13/2013 10:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JACKIE542 3/13/2013 10:14AM

    Great advice, be active and healthy and stop stressing. emoticon emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 3/13/2013 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRIZ1GIRL 3/13/2013 9:57AM

    Woo hoo! YAY YOU! Awesome!

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TURNINGTABLES21 3/13/2013 9:50AM

  good blog!

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JEANNEBUM2 3/13/2013 9:16AM

  I can so relate to the part about obsessing about food - whether I'm having it, or denying it to myself. Life is not food, or finances, or clothing size. I need to take a lesson from you and just let go. Eat healthy more often than not, and healthy is what I'll become. I'm overweight, not hideous. I need to love myself as I love my friends and family - unconditionally. What a relief it would be to be loved by me...

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SJKENT1 3/13/2013 8:56AM

    Thank you for your thoughts. It spoke to me too!

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DIANNEMT 3/13/2013 8:44AM

    You've got it now!! YOU are special RIGHT NOW.

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JENNIFERWEIDEN 3/13/2013 8:18AM

  This is exactly what I started thinking about a couple days ago. Wouldn't I just be more at peace in general and with myself if I did/ate/acted in ways that I knew were right and just let God do the rest? If I really put in into His hands, doesn't that mean I can stop obssessing about it and wasting all this time with negative feelings? Then I "accidentally" came across this. Let's just chill and do our part and let the rest go.

http://breakingmuscle.co
m/sports-psychology/missing-lin
k-your-health-accepting-yourself

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RODYANNE 3/13/2013 7:31AM

  Finally loving yourself no matter is so important.


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CHERYLHURT 3/13/2013 7:30AM

  Love yourself! You are a child of the KING!

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SANDYCRANE 3/13/2013 7:23AM

   

emoticon emoticon

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JANEMARIE77 3/13/2013 7:18AM

    You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens. Louise Hay

this to will take time but you are worth it

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BESSHAILE 3/13/2013 7:01AM

    Amen, sister. You are not your weight. That's just an outfit you're wearing. You can take that off.

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