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    SDLEE514   18,810
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

Letting go...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

So it's been a week since I was last within my calorie range, and prior to that was definitely NOT a streak. I don't even know. Last week I was supposed to be good because I was going to NYC for the weekend and I knew it would be indulgent. I wasn't good. Then, while I did have an awesome time in NYC, all that walking made my knee(s) flare up. In a big bad way. I was/am SO frustrated.

You all may know I've had knee problems for a while now, and I've had athroscopic surgery on my right knee to clean up my tearing meniscus. Well, this weekend my LEFT knee was the one that flared up. We were walking around Central Park and it was starting to ache (in the same way my right one does) and then it got so bad that I started limping and wincing with every step. I wanted to cry. I had to go out and get a knee brace just so I could walk the 2 blocks from the hotel to dinner and to the Broadway show.

So yeah, I'm pretty frustrated with my body and my complete lack of will power. NYC was indulgent as expected but it didn't stop there, I binged on candy on the way back on the bus and didn't have a good day yesterday either. Sunday night when I got back I had some major personal problems, mama drama and boyfriend issues...which I don't want to discuss but they took a major toll on me. I was a complete wreck Sunday night and all of yesterday. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop crying, I woke up with a major headache and sore throat from crying. And I felt incredibly panicky and anxious all day; I couldn't focus, heart racing, I thought I was having a panic attack.

Today, I'm feeling a little better. For the most part I worked the bf issues out. I have an appointment on Friday to get my knee(s) checked out so I'm hoping this time around will have a better result because last time the surgery did not fix the problem, it just cleaned it up.

And lastly, this means light or no exercise this week. I didn't work out yesterday because my knee was still a little painful. I know there are exercises I can do that won't impact my knee, especially upper body and strength training things, but it doesn't burn as much as I'd like and I find myself getting into the bad mentality of if it doesn't do much don't bother so you might as well use that time to do other things I normally say no to because I workout instead (e.g., trivia night or something). With everything happening I can feel myself letting go. Telling myself a week off may even be a good thing. But then I look back on my recent eating habits and clearly letting myself go would be a bad idea. I haven't worked this hard to gain back those 10 lbs.

I need to find my Spark. I need to fix my knees. I need to just breathe.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
STODD251 3/13/2013 8:19AM

    I'm so sorry to hesr that things are stessful in your life right now. Like you've acknowledged you need to breathe, relax a bit, and start changing the little things that you can control right now. Stress and health problems have a way of messing with your best intentions, but you are stronger than that. Like you said, you worked too hard to let it all go. Don't stress over the things you can't control, just try to make the best decision you can in every decision that comes your way. Every little decision can add up, for better or for worse. Make those decisions that make your life better.

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CLRWILLIAMS25 3/13/2013 7:50AM

    Don't beat yourself up over less-than-perfect eating habits lately. You can't control every aspect of your life all the time and harping on the past is just going to make you feel worse. Work on making better choices now and in the future. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, so just work on the small things that don't require as much effort (drinking water, eating well rounded meals etc). You'll get through this. just breathe and take everything one day at a time. emoticon

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ELISELOVE1 3/12/2013 7:23PM

    i hope everything gets better for you

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AUTUMNBRZ 3/12/2013 5:52PM

    I just want to give you a hug! :(

You WILL pull through this slump, you will! Hang in there hon

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IRP1114 3/12/2013 2:32PM

    Dealing with pain can be frustrating and depressing that is for sure. Resting and focusing on diet could be of benefit to you right now. It does not have to be both diet and exercise to keep moving forward. Focus on clean whole foods and not so much on low calorie or hitting an exact range. It can be very de motivating to not be able to hit a number you set your mind on. Don't let a number get in your way. If you feel satisfied and energized that is what matters. Even more so if your exceeding that number leads you to completely blow it for the day. Take care girl. Deep breaths and things will get better. Boy do I know how complicated mama drama can be lol. Not fun at all but we learn to deal with it. Good luck. Hope you can turn things around soon!
emoticon emoticon

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SQUIRRELLYONE 3/12/2013 2:08PM

Hope soup makes you feel better :) It always does for me!

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CHODGES83 3/12/2013 1:49PM

    Sounds like this was not your week/weekend!
There's always a new day!
Chin up!

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SQUIRRELLYONE 3/12/2013 1:38PM

    How do you feel about swimming? Even light effort for an hour burns quite a few calories, and it's much easier on the knees than most. I find there's something so peaceful about swimming under water. Also: Aqua-zumba and aquafit are sometimes done in the deep end on a pool noodle which will give your knees a rest without killing your exercise.

I wonder if I can go through that list you posted a while ago and come up with a soup recipe that won't kill you with extra potassium! *off to check!*

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LYNSEY723 3/12/2013 1:19PM

    Sorry to hear you are having such a rough week! I hope things get better!!!


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ALL-IS-AMAZING 3/12/2013 9:33AM

    Sounds like you have alot going on in your life right now. Hope you can get your knees fixed and get back on track emoticon emoticon

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