Tuesday, March 12, 2013
So it's been a week since I was last within my calorie range, and prior to that was definitely NOT a streak. I don't even know. Last week I was supposed to be good because I was going to NYC for the weekend and I knew it would be indulgent. I wasn't good. Then, while I did have an awesome time in NYC, all that walking made my knee(s) flare up. In a big bad way. I was/am SO frustrated.
You all may know I've had knee problems for a while now, and I've had athroscopic surgery on my right knee to clean up my tearing meniscus. Well, this weekend my LEFT knee was the one that flared up. We were walking around Central Park and it was starting to ache (in the same way my right one does) and then it got so bad that I started limping and wincing with every step. I wanted to cry. I had to go out and get a knee brace just so I could walk the 2 blocks from the hotel to dinner and to the Broadway show.
So yeah, I'm pretty frustrated with my body and my complete lack of will power. NYC was indulgent as expected but it didn't stop there, I binged on candy on the way back on the bus and didn't have a good day yesterday either. Sunday night when I got back I had some major personal problems, mama drama and boyfriend issues...which I don't want to discuss but they took a major toll on me. I was a complete wreck Sunday night and all of yesterday. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop crying, I woke up with a major headache and sore throat from crying. And I felt incredibly panicky and anxious all day; I couldn't focus, heart racing, I thought I was having a panic attack.
Today, I'm feeling a little better. For the most part I worked the bf issues out. I have an appointment on Friday to get my knee(s) checked out so I'm hoping this time around will have a better result because last time the surgery did not fix the problem, it just cleaned it up.
And lastly, this means light or no exercise this week. I didn't work out yesterday because my knee was still a little painful. I know there are exercises I can do that won't impact my knee, especially upper body and strength training things, but it doesn't burn as much as I'd like and I find myself getting into the bad mentality of if it doesn't do much don't bother so you might as well use that time to do other things I normally say no to because I workout instead (e.g., trivia night or something). With everything happening I can feel myself letting go. Telling myself a week off may even be a good thing. But then I look back on my recent eating habits and clearly letting myself go would be a bad idea. I haven't worked this hard to gain back those 10 lbs.
I need to find my Spark. I need to fix my knees. I need to just breathe.