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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

"The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"Last week horse meat was discovered in IKEA's meat balls. Today it was discovered in IKEA's hot dogs. This is making me think twice about taking my family to dinner at a furniture store." -Conan O'Brien
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