Today my new jeans arrived. The larger of the two pair will have to be sent back, why? BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BIG! The smaller of the two fit me perfectly now, so I will exchange the larger pair for one size smaller than the pair which fits me perfectly now, as I will be into them before the end of summer.
I ended another week feeling really great about my food plan. Really nailed it all the way across the week! I LIKE what I am doing, EXACTLY how I am doing it! Furthermore, it's working for me, just the way it is.
And I learned a few things this week. I had a really really rough personal situation come up late last night and again first thing this morning, but a strange thing happened. I didn't want to eat over it. In fact, at first, I didn't want to eat at all. But I knew if I didn't have breakfast, I would get overly hungry and shaky not too much later, so I did need to eat. I ate what I had planned for my breakfast, and nothing more.
And while I was sitting there trying to choke back the tears, I suddenly remembered a group meeting a few towns over that I needed to go to. I looked at the clock, and saw I had plenty of time to finish breakfast, change my clothes, and get there early. There was no insane urge to blow off the meeting and stay home and stuff my face with food because of the difficult and highly emotionally-charged situation I was in. Just a calmness that I needed to take care of my body by eating my healthy, planned breakfast, and then take care of my social health by going out for a bit.
While driving to the meeting, I had these thoughts:
I can be right, or I can be happy, but I can't be both in some situations. I really have to work on my need to be right. Even when I am, in fact, right. But, why let being right destroy my serenity? I can be right in my head but not have to say it out loud.
I can eat anything and everything I want anytime I want, or I can be calm and serene around food, but I can't have both.
I can have it easy (by letting my ego drive my life), or I can have it simple (by following a simple program which gets ego out of the way), but I can't have both. I have found a simple program, but it's not an easy one. My ego wants me do things the easy way, but it's not simple (my ego can over-complicate everything!) and it's certainly not serene.
So I need to remember in all situations, even the really tough, deeply emotional ones, that I can be right or I can be serene; I can be face down in the food, or I can be serene; I can let my ego take the easy way, or I can be serene. And for today, I choose serenity. God help me with that!
So, things work themselves out. Taking a step back, taking it easy, letting go of the results are all powerful reminders that this simple plan of action isn't simply about being serene around food, but about having serenity in my whole life, including interactions with others as well.
Even if another person feels the need to judge me or be demeaning and non-supportive, or wants to "fix" me with their food plan advice (because perhaps they wrongly assume I haven't already tried every dieting technique out there!), I will not let someone else pull me off my course of action which leads me to serenity. How often have I judged wrongly? Been demeaning or non-supportive? Tried to "fix" everyone around me with my oh-so-great wisdom while not even taking my own advice?
Clearly, this plan is not "just" about food and weight. It's about how I live my whole life. And for today, I choose life. I choose to have serenity. I choose to get ego out of the way as much as possible.
It's simple, really, but not easy. I have a plan in place, a plan which addresses all of me.
I'll let the scale take care of itself while I take care of my body and mind and soul via my food plan and my study plan and my spiritual practices! No more over complicating things....