Monday, March 11, 2013
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's more than just weight loss. I feel myself slipping into a pretty heavy depression and I don't know what to do. My eating is TERRIBLE. And in turn, I feel terrible. I'm not exercising. I'm not caring. Life feels so overwhelming.
I'm not quite as happy at my job as I was. I love the family I nanny for. But money is getting tight. And she wants to cut a quarter of my pay. Offering to help me find more kids to add into my day so I don't actually lose money. But that's more responsibility. I've found another lady who I'd pick her kid up at daycare at 530 and be there until 7. Not bad. But it's a longer day. And I'll have two families to ask for time off for things.
I'm so lonely. I'm 26 and have yet to be in a mutually caring serious relationship. I don't even know how to find someone to date. I have an OKCupid....but I'd rather find someone off a computer. I don't know. I'm so lonely. My best friend getting married in three months doesn't help. I'm happy for her...but it makes me feel worse.
Saturday was a concert of one of my top bands. Jukebox the Ghost. Small little band who is starting to grow in status. I've been listening to them and going to concerts since before their second album came out. Now they have three. They put on a great show and it was fantastic. I got so emotional though. I cried through half the set. And during one song I full out bawled. In the front row. And I've felt so heavy and down since. All I did yesterday was cry.
I had a ton of friends come into town for the concert. We had four people staying with us. From southern Illinois, New York, Wisconsin, Iowa...it's my Ben Folds family but we all love other mutual bands too. I felt so sad when everyone left yesterday.
My boss is thinking of taking the kids to Florida for their spring break. I'm at the point of flat out begging her to go. Even if I lose a week's pay. Then I'll have a week to just get my head back on straight. And work out. And get my eating back in order. I need a week of no responsibility to just ... try and fix what is going on.
Thank you everyone for the encouraging words lately. I do really appreciate them. I've just seemed to have lost the Spark in all aspects of my life currently.