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Another day...

Monday, March 11, 2013

...and I had a terrible fight with that cake my daughter mad...she ate about half of it during the day and the rest was left for me to put away in a box and it did it smell nice? The voices in my head...

emoticon This is impossible, can you feel the crunch when your teethchew that crust and then the gooey chocolate inside...
emoticon I don´t have to eat it, I can go to bed instead.
emoticon Who are you fooling? You know that you will overeat sooner or later so why not do it now and get it done?
emoticon I have made it all day and I also know that eating a piece will result in me eating it all.
emoticon It does not have to be like that - you have managed some times before just to eat one bite...
emoticon I am aiming for a life where I can move and tie my shoelaces easily
emoticon That will take forever to reach and there is absolutely no way you will be able to do it!
emoticon I can´t do it if I don´t try, and I also know that I feel much better every day that I manage. And I remember when I got sober, I never thought that I would make that either and look at me now - close to eight years!
emoticon You were never really addicted to alcohol so it is cheating to say that it was any accomplishment.
emoticon It is NOT – I struggled on an off for maybe ten years before I made it. emoticon Food is different, you have struggled for more than forty years without making it, give up!
emoticon I do not have to worry about how terrible the odds are, I just have to stay away today.
emoticon And I did call my OA-friend and told her about you and the stupid things yu whisper all the time. She knows about you too! She knows and I can call her again if I need to.

..and then I went to bed without any cake gobbling and today is another day to keep clean of unplanned food. I am hungry – I will be for a while before my stomach settles and maybe I will think too much about food and see the meals as my only valuable time ofday – but that is okay as long as I don´t overeat one day at the time.

Daughter and me did musik and tried to record some stuff, found the "Loops" I can put into garage band and maybe make something off but I can´t figure out how to combine voice and instrument when recording.

Tred to dye my hair, did not come out weill, tried to take a picture but it does not show in it, it is pinkish here and there, really weird...daughter played with make up and made herself look like this:

It took her a long time to clean that off....

And today I will stay with my plan (that is not really done yet...) no matter what. One day at the time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 1SALMON1
    Yaay for you, oh resister of cake! And thanks for this blog. This inner debate is SO familiar! I had almost the same argument with myself today when they brought us pizza at work. And 6 kinds of cookies. And soda pop.
    1803 days ago
    Yes, the cake was demonic. And you were a super-hero!
    1807 days ago
    emoticon I have that demon in my head too. It's amazing to me how similiar they are! Sometimes I win, and sometimes I still lose. My only protection is to not have the demon food in the house. Hmmmmm . . . suppose that's why it's called "devil's food" cake? My downfall is ice cream because I will still buy it occasionally, but in small containers. Sadly, if I buy a package of small containers; I end up eating all in a day. Lesson learned until next time. Most treats I have to enjoy out; automatic portion control. Things that I have for company go home with them, to a neighbor, or right into the trash.
    I don't think emoticon will ever go away; just sleeps. Best I can do is not wake it up. emoticon (it's asking; Where's the rest of the cake? emoticon
    1808 days ago
    Another day, but a full day, Meddy - with ups and downs, struggles and laughs, spending some time doing nothing but being in each other's company. Even with the demon cake calling to you, it's a pretty good day, thinks me...
    1808 days ago
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