The mind is a powerful thing, and it almost caused me to not show up to my first 5k which is something I had been excited about for a LONG time. The self sabotage started last night and worked on me up until this morning right as I was getting dressed. I had all kinds of excuses, all kinds of reasons why I shouldn't get up and go. The fear overcame me and my poor BRITT831 had to talk to me through it. I still don't know why I was so nervous, so afraid. It's not like I hadn't done one before, I had, but didn't ever consider doing one by myself. My parents and I used to do them a lot when I was younger, but we never took them very seriously and mostly did them for the causes that they supported. But this 5k was going to be the first one I did alone and for some reason, that scared the living daylights out of me. Heck, I don't get that scared to go on stage in front of people I don't know! As I went to bed, I tossed and turned psyching myself out and telling myself that I was a failure, a loser. Don't ask me why, I just did.
But something clicked.
I woke up before my alarm, laid there a bit and just started getting ready. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, got in 1 liter of water and got dressed without acknowledging my fear. Sure, I dropped things, was breathing hard and my hands were shaking but I wasn't going to let it stop me. My cat Sebastian supported me as I stretched, rubbed his body against my leg as I sat on the floor and even gave me a kiss on the nose. He's such a lover boy! HA! My Dad was getting ready for work and said, "You go girl!" Was really nice of him.
As soon as I headed out the door, I knew I had already beaten my self sabotage and was beyond proud of myself. My BRITT831 continued to encourage me the entire way and it felt wonderful. No one was going to stop this diva, especially the diva herself!
It. was. FREEZING. I checked in, grabbed a bagel, a small cup of decaf coffee and went to sit in my car because my hands were going numb. I was early and that was okay with me as it gave me a chance to breathe and relax. We got grab bags and a t-shirt!
The sun was shining brightly and I was SO glad I brought gloves!
There were a couple of women who invited me to stretch with them and we had a great time laughing about how cold it was. SparkBuddies, I tell you, I was shaking in my boots when we started walking towards the start line.
At first, I was doing okay, but all of those weeks of not doing consistent exercise caught up with me. There were two bigger women who were in front of me and man, were they fast! By the time we got to the 1 mile marker, I couldn't see them anymore. They were so inspiring and as I was on my way back one of them cheered me on. Awesome right? The scenery was gorgeous and I was more than happy to be there jogging/walking for a good cause.
I finished in 47:14 and was beyond happy! WOOHOO!
If you would have asked me 2 years ago if I would be participating in a 5k ALONE, I would have laughed in your face. I am so happy to be wrong and am walkng on air right now. I beat my own self sabotage, beat my own negativity and saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Romans 8: 7 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
Truer words have never been said.