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    CHANGING4ME49   17,532
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My Apologies - Venting

Sunday, March 10, 2013

There is nothing like feeling completely left out to ruin one's mood. I seriously feel like a third wheel. I am both angry and depressed. Earlier in the week DH asked me to look up some concert information that involves some of our favorite music groups. He didn't mention ME going at the time but I thought he was just waiting until I told him the information. I checked out the concert info on line and relayed it to him the next day. He was all excited yet still made no mention of the "two of us" attending. Two days later our daughter called to tell us the details for our grandson's birthday party that is set to happen later this month. After we talked for awhile DH shouts out from the other room, "Hey, ask her if she wants to go to the concert with ME?". He still had yet to ask if I wanted to go so it is fair to say I immediately felt like I had been tossed to the curb. Nevertheless I conveyed the invitation to our daughter and she responded by saying that she, her boyfriend Dan and her BF were already planning to attend but "if dad wants to go too, they can all go together. The two of them than set out to plan the details such as when to buy tickets, where to sit, etc with ME being the go-between on the phone. I know I was subjecting myself to further heartache but I figure I was way too upset at that point to think logically and hand the phone to him to do his own dirty work so I just played along. After the call however I did let out my feelings on the matter and asked him why is it that the two of them always include each other on plans, have no problem doing so right in front of me but never once try and include me. Whether its concerts, football games, other activities, joining a team, and/ or even going on particular trips, the invitations never extend to ME. Even if I were to say no to an invitation of theirs, it would be nice to be asked but I never am. DH responded to my statement by saying he thought I would say something, thought I wouldn't want to go, thought I didn't like the groups playing (when he knows full well I do), than changed those excuses to he thought I would want to stay home to watch our grandson instead. There were two things I noticed right away about his excuses; he had many reasons why he didn't asked me to go and they all placed ME as the responsible party.

Needless to say we didn't talk much the rest of that day nor the next day. I eventually accepted however that it is what it is and reminded myself that I will never change how the two of them feel about me nor their hurtful ways. Yesterday our daughter called back up and asked me to get on the computer and check out the concerts seats she just bought for herself, her dad, Dan and her BF. "insert physical discomfort" She than hits me with her son will be going with them as well. My grandson's very first concert! Train (they sing one of my grandson's favorite songs Hey Soul Sister), The Script and solo artist Gavin Degraw will be playing. I immediately realized that I am the only one NOT GOING, I will miss sharing with my grandson his first concert experience and my husband and daughter will be having a great time together as usual and I will be once again left out. Neither one of them even bothered to ask what I would be doing while they are 3 hours away having fun? No surprise there for they already know the answer - no car (with my vision couldn't drive one anyway), no cab nor bus availabe and no friends nearby means NOTHING! That physical discomfort I mentioned just a minute ago, oh yeah, that was my heart breaking... again. Like I said earlier there is nothing like feeling completely left out to ruin one's mood! emoticon
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CAPECODLIGHT 3/11/2013 9:21AM

    I am so sorry that your husband would exclude you. This one lays at his feet, not your daughter's. It sounds to me that he never gave you the real reason he excluded you, as he kept coming up with different excuses. I am not in your shoes, but I would insist on marriage counseling; and if he won't go, insist on going alone and his driving you back and forth there. I don't think I could tolerate the continuation of this behavior.

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LKWQUILTER 3/10/2013 7:39PM

    I agree with some others--I would make my own plans with a friend and let dh pick up the tab on my activities. I think he would be worrying about his own meals, clothes, maybe his own bed too for a while. As you can tell, I can be not very nice when someone really hurts my feelings and treats me bad. (((HUGS)))

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BRENDABUNNY 3/10/2013 3:48PM

    So sorry Salie emoticon emoticon

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MRSHELENKITTY 3/10/2013 2:14PM

    I am so sorry that you feel left out. I feel that you did the right thing by communicating to your husband how you felt, he should also not assume you did not want to go. How about sitting down with your DH and daughter and telling them both that it hurts you when they plan things and not include you. It really isn't fair. You should not have to feel this way especially with your DH and daughter. I don't think they would purposefully not include you, but maybe they are so used to doing things this way, that they do not even notice or think about how much they are hurting you. I hope that you express your feelings more to them and it gets resolved. *hugs*

Comment edited on: 3/10/2013 2:14:45 PM

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RURAL3 3/10/2013 11:53AM

    I just can't imagine your pain but I have to say I would be furious with my DH. And I would certainly make plans to do something fun and expensive with a girlfriend who drives. The scenario they set up is totally unacceptable and extremely hurtful. emoticon
I hope venting helped. I am praying for you Sallie emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/10/2013 6:43:42 PM

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GOMAMA10 3/10/2013 11:11AM

  Heart hurts are difficult to see through at the time and rejection is something that is very personal. While they have plans you just keep on making yourself strong. When you get time with your grandson just ask him about his experience and not in a complaining way, but let him know how happy you are that he got to go. Talk of the good memories for him and how he is growing up so fast. Maybe next time ask your DH "Honey what time are we leaving?"I keep my feelings in and that's not good it will be in your thughts and fester ill feelings sooner or later. Stay strong.

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