My Year 2 starting weigh in isn't until Mon, so I'm not sure what I am at after this hedonistic birthday/anniversary weekend. Let's just call it -70 and be done with it! (Well, no.. I can't do that really. I'm far too neurotic. So we'll stay with -69)
I had a lot of things I wanted to say about my trip, and about my journey. Most of it has totally been forgotten over the past few weeks. I think this says a lot, though:
1.5 years ago. Approximately 6 months before I finally buckled down with diet& exercise:
Same bar, 1.5 years, 69lbs, 3 pant categories, and 12.02 BMI points later:
So.. I'm lumpy bumpy forgot to suck in my tummy! But what? You can see my neck? You don't just see lots of back?? Well, the camera angle isn't 100% right, even though my husband took both photos :p But I see a pretty big difference! (Wearing a 2XL girly from Threadless there. That shirt is now in the quilt I'm working on, so wearing a XL girly with a different front design)
I will upload this or make a collage or something later and update my front page on Monday with photos. I would still like to take a current photo in just jeans and a T-shirt, too, but I keep forgetting. I also feel kind of vain, asking my husband to take random pictures of myself for the internet :X
There are a lot of emotions that come with a full year of weight loss, and not all of them have been positive. Those who have stuck it out with me have read plenty navel-gazing and emo posts about all the feels I am having all the times. It's ok, though. That's what my blog is for. ALL THE FEELS!
I really do appreciate the fact that you guys take time out of your lives to read about me, though. I know not everyone knows what to say. You don't always have to reply! It means so much to me that you DO read it, though, and that you guys are there for me when I really need it. Going into Year 2, I want to.. pretty much just not give up :P I'm going to maybe try being a little more active in teams. I have graduated from the "30-somethings with 50-99lbs to lose" team to the "30 somethings with 25-49 lbs to lose". Changing groups I suppose is a small thing. It's just a mouseclick.. but it felt big to me.
So, instead of wallowing in MOAR FEELS, I've decided to break things down by numbers, short facts, etc. I think it will help me better see my accomplishments, and hopefully help me focus.
Original Goal: Lost 100 lbs in 1 year. Possible if I lose 8lbs/month.
-Did not meet goal. Came in 30ish lbs short.
Original BMI:42.91 Classification: Morbid Obeisity
Current BMIL 30.89 ClassificationL Obese. HOWEVER! I would like to point out that anything over 30 is obese, and I am very very close to being "just" overweight! :X
Starting weight: 250
Current weight: Let's say 181, because I am not sure what the scale will say on Mon!
Height: 5 ft 4. This did not change, sadly. I keep telling my legs that an extra inch or two would make all the difference. That is why we wears heels on our feets, precious. Heels makes us looks taller, yes.
Um. I got sidetracked already.
Anyway, those are all quite vital statistics!
I've also gone from a very tight women's size 18 stretch denim pant to a very comfortable size 12 stretch denim pant. My shirts have gone from a 2XL to a L! I apparently no long have extra of me that must be accomodated by extra ammounts of fabric! How about that!
Some more TMI: Boobs have shrunk and now my boobigami looks wrinkly (That is when you perform many interesting origami-type moves with your boobs. Just kidding! It's what I call grabbing them and pushing them up to make them look more renfaire) I've gone from a TIGHT 38 band to a comfortable 36 band, and I can now shove righty into a DDD without her spilling over. Lefty is as roomy as ever. Too bad my nips look like something that was photographed in National Geograpic. IT'S OK. THEY ARE STILL BOOBS AND ALL MEN LOVE BOOBS AS LONG AS THEY ARE NOT HAIRY.
Why do I keep getting sidetracked?? XD
I've also (HAPPILY) gone from not being able to wear any boots at all... to being able to barely shove my hammy calves into wide-width shafts.... to having roomy wide-width boots! I still can't wear normal width shafted boots, but I am ok with that. A whole new world of fashion has opened up to me!
My original goal weight was 150. It actually left me 5lbs overweight, according to the BMI scale. When I began, I set goals based on various things I read on the internet, along with what I thought was the best I could ever possibly do in my life. I expected that no matter what I did, I couldn't possibly ever do better than 150, and I'd just be happy if I made it to like 165-170 thank you very much.
I'm still feeling like I could be very happy at 165-175, but I think I can do better, honestly! For Year 2, I am thinking I want to revise my goal weight to 145, just so I can be in the normal BMI range :P In highschool, I stayed about 130-135 through lots of activity, marching band, and a few months of swim club... (until it got cold. Then somehow swim club outside didn't seem like much fun anymore)
I don't really feel like I was ever "built" to be on the low end of my BMI. I have always had thick legs from the thigh all the way down to the calf. I feel pretty lucky to have a natural hourglass shape, though you can't really tell from those photos. My bust and hips have always been larger than my waist. It doesn't really bother me that I'm not or won't ever be some twiggy model. I can tell you this, though: (And yes, there will be TMI)
Since losing 69 lbs:
*Distances seem shorter now. I can clear small housepets in a single bound
*I do not get winded as easily
*It is much easier to shave front-door-to-back-door
*In a similar vein, I no longer wash tiny bits of wadded up paper from my nethers each shower
*Nor have I had a urinary tract infection requiring any sort of medical visit in the last 12 months. (History: I'd get a bad one 1-2 times a year, and I'd almost always have some inflammation and problems after travelling, since it involved so much walking)
The following things may seem normal to some of you, BUT:
*I am comfortable lounging around the house in jeans. I no longer feel the need to tear all my clothes off and find something with an elastic band as soon as I get home
*I have a much easier time eating around other people, because I am confident in my choices. I no longer insist that I only eat when others are eating. I used to skip meals sometimes when travelling if my freinds/ travel partner were not hungry. I had a moderate fear of people watching me eat. Now, I don't care. I know exactly what I am eating and why. I have no shame about that anymore.
But really, most of all:
I picked a system that worked for me, and STUCK WITH IT for an entire year! I plan to continue! Honestly, I couldn't imagine life without tracking now. Sometimes it's annoying, because I feel a little neurotic when I can't tell exactly what I'm eating.
You know what though? It almost ALWAYS 99% of the time means I shouldn't be eating it anyway. And 99% of the time, I DON'T eat like that. But the 1% is fun, and I let myself enjoy it.
For example, during our trip, I ate pretty badly :D But it was great! I did cut some corners where I could, but I heftily went over calories every day. For dinner one night, I subbed out the baked potato for an ear of corn and chose vinaigrette dressing instead of ranch. That was great! So I made up the calories with an ice cream dessert.. lol
I can honestly tell you two things, though:
1) It was delicious
2) I most likely will never order/eat that dish again in my life, and I am ok with all of that.
I think I've really turned my attitude around about food. I still have my candy demons to conquer, but as I list things out I see a fundimental change in the way I view food. I am hoping that these changes will carry me through another successful year. I'm desperately hoping I don't fall off the wagon :P
I do have about 45 lbs to lose. It seems like so much, but compared to the original 100, it's not that bad. I've lost damned near 70! I'm well over half way.
Sometimes it's hard, because I feel so weary and worn out and tired of it all. Honestly, there are times I feel like giving up. But I press on. I know that if I stop, I will feel worse when I try to start up again. There are times I think I'll never do any better than I've done right now. That I'll be spending the rest of my life struggling to get to 180 from 181. I'm coming to terms with those feelings. I think that even if I spent years maintaining this weight, it'll eventually go down again. I am still obese, after all. But, I like myself a lot more now than I did one year ago, and I am ok with where I am. I want to keep pushing, but even if nothing ever moved again, I think I could be happy here.
Again.. not giving up. I am going to have to spend some time next week thinking about goals. Realistic ones! I need to figure out what it will be possible for me to do. What I can do say.. when my brother goes back home to Austin :P
You know, as much as I've moaned about how I've gotten nothing done since he moved in here, guess what? He's been here almost six months now. And guess what? In the time he's been here, I've still lost nearly 20lbs! So that's not bad! I look at 20lbs in 6 months, and it seems so slow.. but I'm not going backwards, or even treading water here. It's still progress. I just need to hang in there. Even though things will seem tough, etcetc. It's much better to hang in there than give up.
I'm not sure what my weigh-in will be on Mon. I'm pretty sure I'll be frustrated with it and wish I'd done better or not eaten as much earlier in the week or whatever, but I'll just keep going. One day, I really wish to be able to show you guys my 100lbs before/after photos!