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You Are Not DAmaged Goods! Listen Up Linda

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Our destination is the United Kingdom. Which I thought would be fun to revisit the old stomping ground - but in fact is bring up some fond memories as well as some painful ones. I have been out of sorts the pass few days and I do realize why after some soul searching. Old tape recordings which I thought I erased but apparently I haven't completely erased.

This now Brings me to yesterday challenge question that I skipped. "Anything else you would like to share with your Team" Yes I have a lot of demons that have haunted me for years. As a person who has to deal with PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) on a daily basis life can be difficult and just a little thing like this weeks challenge destination can put in in a downward spiral.

For many years I thought I was damaged / defected goods where no one would want or have any love for me what so every. Looked for love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong ones etc. So at his minute my PTSD is kicking butt. But I will not fall for the old tape recording its an untruth that I must not allow to take root in me ever again.

I was Stationed at RAF Mildenhal Suffolk England back in the early 80's this was my home for awhile:

A view from my dorm window

This was me being brave and happy on the outside but inside terrified, depressed and very lonely

Will not go into the details of all that happened but that experience changed my life for ever We hear everything happens for a reason I will never understand why but it is part of life and it is in the past at the same token I am thankful for the good bad and yes the ugly that has happened ot me In many ways has made me a much stronger determined person. Once again I live in the light I refuse ot let that dark place take root. I am drained from revisiting the past and need ot unwind and rest Tomorrow is a new day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TERESA159
    Sorry the UK triggered such bad feelings for you. You've only hinted at what you went through but it sounds serious and I hope you have help available should you think you need it. ( I am also a veteran of looking for love in the wrong places and I am still haunted by a husband, or two! Not bad enough to be PTSD but boy do I start when I see a man a certain height with certain hair color.)
    Throw out those tapes! Be glad the past is the past and it's good to remember the bad times too because that means you KNOW they were bad times and you won't make the same mistakes again and I hope you're doing much better now.
    1836 days ago
    Even though difficult to deal with the past. It is awesome that you are able to recognize it is your past and you have moved forward. It takes more strength and courage to recognize that! emoticon emoticon
    1837 days ago
    It takes so much strength to even post as much as you did. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    I can't begin to imagine what you might have gone through, but I'm so sorry to hear you were scarred so deeply. I hope you can kick the butt of that PTSD sooner rather than later.

    You are a strong, beautiful woman who doesn't deserve to be held hostage by the past.

    1838 days ago
    As the saying goes that what does not kill you makes you stronger, whatever experiences you went through have made you a strong and loveable person. You are loved for who you are. A very big emoticon to you.
    You are emoticon
    1838 days ago
  • JO28352
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1838 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon You are perfect and loved in every way More hugs xo
    1838 days ago
    Sorry that bad memories returned in the challenge. Some things are difficult to deal with, but you are a very strong caring women who has a lot of Spark friends who care deeply for you. Your strength is clear in your maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1838 days ago
    emoticon I agree with everyone here!! You have not only Survived, you have Become a Strong Woman and a Great Friend to many People here, and in "Real Life" too. Be sure that YOU are YOUR OWN BFF!!
    1838 days ago
    Sending hugs your way! I know PTSD is not easy to live with. There are quite a few of us out here that struggle with it, too. emoticon
    1839 days ago
    1839 days ago
    What you have been through makes what you have accomplished even more amazing! You are one strong survivor. Hoping this visit helps you come to terms with the past, so that it will stay the past and you can live the life you now deserve. You are absolutely 100% right. No way are you damaged goods - you are a beautiful, smart, and resilient woman! Wishing you all the best. HUGS. -Marsha
    1839 days ago
  • _LINDA
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    So very sorry to hear you suffered a traumatic experience in your youth :((
    Your past does not define you. No one even knows what happened except the people back then. Today, you are a different person. One who can set and acheive goals and do what ever you set your mind to. Maintaining your weight loss for two years -fantastic! Leading, helping and inspiring others in their weight loss journeys awesome! Being a great Spark friend wonderful!
    You should be able to write a great love letter to yourself on what an amazing person you are . See beautiful in yourself because you are!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1839 days ago
    I so wish I could take hurt and despair and fear away from my friends and those I love. We'll get to England and move on again. And all the while you are walking with us, so nothing can harm you. I will keep you in prayer emoticon
    1839 days ago
    Wow.... My prayer for you dear Linda, is that our Good Lord will continue to care for you during this healing time. You went through a terrible, dark and painful time, BUT you survived, by the Grace of God. And here you are, blessing others and enriching our lives. I thank God that you are a survivor otherwise we would be missing a wonderful blessing such as yourself. YOU have exchanged your stripes for stars, - make no mistake Linda, you are a shining star. YOU are a fighter, YOU are beautiful, YOU are perfectly, fearfully, and wonderfully made.
    1839 days ago
  • ROSE-100
    Those who injured you,did only given the conditions of there lives,if you don't forgive,then tho injuries will haunt you.

    1839 days ago
    Hugs, lovely lady. Sorry you had to re-live some unhappy memories. :(
    1839 days ago
    Lots of big emoticon to you, Linda! I wish I could give them in person.

    Let the words you wrote sink deep into your heart.

    I commented the following earlier this week on someone's blog, so if you've read this already forgive me. I went through a pretty dark time where lies kept playing in my head. I took a 3x5 card, wrote out all the truths and positive statements that should be playing in my head. I carried that card in my pocket for many weeks. Whenever the @#$%@#$ started playing, I pulled out the card and read the truth to myself out loud. It took a while, but I eventually replaced the lies with truth. Every once in awhile they try to creep back in, but they don't get far. Do whatever it takes to love yourself!

    1839 days ago
  • POPSY190
    Sorry you have these unhappy experiences brought back but I suspect that each time you allow them into the light of day, as via this blog, their long-term effect on the person you are now is slightly lessened. At least, I hope so. emoticon
    1839 days ago
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