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    ZERO2HERO   18,177
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

The Fog Smothers the Glow

Saturday, March 09, 2013

The fog is lifting today. This week has been a rough one for me emotionally. I didn't eat those emotions, but I didn't exactly transfer that negative energy into a positive light. There was some failing on the stress front and obligatory exercising, not to mention some silent treatment for everyone. Basically, I shut down.

I'm a solver and so not being able to identify the trigger for this week is extremely frustrating - it's not PMS, there weren't any set backs, I didn't receive bad news, I'm not sick... and the list goes on. Life is good on paper, but I was a miserable person this week. As a result I'm trying to refocus my energy and restore balance as well as perspective.

With that resolve I've decided to put my ambitions in a public space - in this case my spark page - to ensure accountability. I always make commitments to myself, but the fear of failure silences my goals to the people around me. And while I don't know any of you personally, you're my support system right now, so get used to it. I've started by beginning a list of my consistency goals - water, veggies, etc... - to help define the healthy parts of my life that are important, permanent life changes; to that end, I have also embarked on a rewards system. I never think of myself as "worthy" of items (a whole other self-esteem issue) or treats because of my weight. So the idea of benchmark rewards didn't seem worth it. I realize this is extremely nonconstructive to my well being and self worth. And so I have decided on two things:

1.) I will not use my weight as reason to deny myself something, especially when it assists in my goal to be healthier (i.e. running shoes, music, water bottle).

2.) I will set benchmarks to celebrate. My first focus is dipping below 200, where I will buy the tote I have been eyeing for a few months. It can replace what is becoming a very smelly gym bag. I am also publicizing those benchmarks for accountability and pride.

I realize life won't "solve" itself with just weight loss, but it certainly aids in my ability to live life more fully. Acquiring the tools to take care of myself and the people I love is important - I just need to remind myself in those foggy weeks that is what I'm doing.


* * * * *

Now to center my day. You can stop reading, I just need to write this stuff out to figure out what I need to do to release the rest of my funk this weekend.

1.) Clean the house & finish laundry
2.) Finish summer job paperwork and send it out
3.) Address the emails I'm avoiding
4.) Hit up the grocery store & farmer's market
5.) Plan my lessons for the week
6.) Workout one of the two days


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