Saturday, March 09, 2013
Roughly 2 years ago I started losing weight with the help of SP. I learned to eat right and exercise. It was great. I went from 267 lbs to 215 between January and May - then leaped off the bandwagon chasing cheeseburgers due to burn out. It's horrible to realize how close I was to being under 200 lbs and just giving it all up like that, but I know exactly why it happened. One of my biggest energizers was a Biggest Loser context at work. $1,000 was on the line and with Zach in school and our debts piling up it was desperately needed. Toward the end of the contest I hit a very frustrating plateau and went on a straight liquid diet for two weeks, Nothing but water and V8. Yea - I know it was stupid. The shame of what I was doing kept me from confiding in my spark buddies or even Zach for that matter. In the end I god second place ($800) which was awesome - I was told I won by a tenth of a BMI point, thus confirming that my efforts were needed, but the money flew out the window to bills and a depression hit. I told myself I'd take 2 weeks off, eat what I wanted, not work out, and just relax. I knew I'd gain weight but never thought I'd just stop my healthy living altogether, which is what happened.
Between then and now there have been half-assed restart attempts but nothing with the kind of fire and determination of the first time. Yet here I am today, writing my (2nd) first blog at the beginning of a long and much needed journey. Thankfully my past experience makes it easier because I already know how to eat right, but (even better) I am tracking my foods through SP. It seems they've made some awesome adjustments over the last two years making it even easier to see what I've eaten and what I need to eat. Zach is (kinda) on board with me too since he's gained weight since graduating college and is out of shape as well. I don't think he's taking it as seriously as I am, which is frustrating, but I can't let that affect my journey. I have to take care of ME and not skip workouts just because he doesn't feel like going with me. I've semi banned him from the house durring one workout which I may continue to do. Otherwise he wanders around, or watches me and cracks little jokes. He doesn't mean harm but doesn't understand that it hurts and is distracting. Zach lost his job last December and has been home NON STOP every day since. It's driving me NUTS but also starting to worry me since money is finally running out. We have bills covered through april but after that? Nope. I can't let myself worry about it too much because i just get bummed to the point of tears and debilitating depression.
Anyway.... So here's to the new beginning. I will not put myself through crappy diets just to make that extra loss. I will not leap off the bandwagon and put crap into my body. I will allow breaks when my body needs them and give into sweets within reason. I will make this a LIFE change. I will do this FOR ME - not money, not family, not Zach - Me.